You know me, I just be Dancing and shit. Part I of IV.

Welp, Saturday I'm locking things down.

If you want to be on the subscribed list, email Glamont00@gmail.com and I'll put you on.
July 4th, meaning you have til Friday night to contact me to be on the readers list. If I don't have your email, you won't be reading it. Jie like simple.

This will be a long one, but I may break it down into parts according to how much there is.

Moving right along, I havent written a DECENT blog in a while. Let me go ahead and tell you where I've been with mine.

I been ducking and dodging having sex. Don't even know why. You ever just had a mindset where you're like "I have better shit to do then chase." Prime example. I get a text from a girl that I was laying down with a couple months ago. Basically she ended the fucking because she ain't want nothing else besides fun every now and again. Now, thats not a problem...within reason.

• I'm a scheduled man. Giving me pussy on one day, then have me wait weeks for it again, ain't my twist. I will go and fuck someone else. I don't cheat, but then again I aint got a woman. So I have no ties to you.


• She hit me up at 10 something with scheduled plans for the end of the night. Now I know she's iffy anyway, so pretty much I paid it no mind. I was out with my boys drinking, so if I aint get none, I would've been sleep soon as I hit a pillow anyway.

So long story short, she hits me up at a quarter to one with the "pussy denial text'. Yes, even I get them.

"Don't come through tonight, I'm tired"

Nothing wrong with that. Seeing as though her and I see each other rarely, I was like "next". And I commist to texting "moist bedsheets". She's drinking to be drunk. That's cool, but drunk pussy and drunk dick aint ALWAYS great. I had three Grey Goose straight, and 5 Vodka and Pineapples. On an empty stomach. And the last time I fucked in those conditions, I fucked through Finding Nemo, a "Girls Gone Wild" infomercial, and an hour segment of Fresh Prince. With no nut to smile about.

Needless to say I wasnt fucking with it.

So i get a text from her Sunday saying "I want to have sex with you, but the shit you say has me scared."

At this point I'm in my thoughts like "apparently the other nigger she fucking with fucking up, so she's texting me". This happens from time to time. I play second hand dick well. I reply "You denied that".

I really don't need to say the rest because well you can get the jist of the rest. But she said what every female has said to me at least once. "You be talking to too many girls. I hate that shit".

Maybe its just me.. but:

1. You will never have the one up on me. If we start a game of 1-on-1, you will not have a three point handicap to begin with. I used to think it was just the women I fucked with, then I concluded, not ALL, but SOME women just like to feel like they are the only women in your life...Even if they are publically fucking with other niggas.


2. ^ Yeah fucking right. I was born on a Sunday, it just wasnt necessarily yesterday.


3. Pussy is wonderful. Head is great also. But the measures you have to take in order to get it...Not at all. Fuck that shit.

Moving right along:

• I gotta get away from some of my circle. Most people are all about convienence. That's all I'ma say about that.


• Tostitos Salsa Con Queso Medium Cheese is fucking wonderful. I don't know exactly WHY yet, but if you've ever had an orgasm like I did when I started eating these things, you'd understand.


• The BET awards was some unadulterated shit. Like not only were the performances wck as shit, but yeah. If you aint seen it yet I'm sure you were on Twitter or Facebook reading about it. You get a consensus about it. No need to go on a tangent about it.

BUT... T.I.'s girl though... Tiny.. Slim ain't nothing to smile at. Attall. He need to Xscape.

RIP To the King of Pop! Michael Jackson Discography

Ben [1972]: http://ad25049d.linkbucks.com/


Got To Be There [1972]: http://47e51ae2.linkbucks.com/



Music & Me [1973]: http://282799df.linkbucks.com/



Forever Michael [1995]: http://eda322d9.linkbucks.com/




Off the Wall [Part One]: http://feae58d9.linkbucks.com/
Off The Wall [Part Two]: http://b88bf642.linkbucks.com/



Thriller [1982]: http://d29aac7a.linkbucks.com/

Bad Part One [1987]: http://fee7cc30.linkbucks.com/

Bad Part Two [1987]: http://50b018db.linkbucks.com/


Dangerous [Part One]: http://d1e041d8.linkbucks.com/

Dangerous [Part Two]: http://e5e03d2d.linkbucks.com/

Michael Jackson "History" Part One: http://cb79805c.linkbucks.com/

Michael Jackson "History" Part Two: http://ba3367ea.linkbucks.com/

Michael Jackson "History" Part Three: http://7f227cdd.linkbucks.com/

Blood On The Dance Floor Part One: http://d35259b7.linkbucks.com/

Blood On The Dance Floor Part Two: http://09f5f4aa.linkbucks.com/

Invincible: http://b8721c82.linkbucks.com/

Michael Jackson Thriller 25th Anniversary Edition Part One: http://5a6c0d06.linkbucks.com/

Michael Jackson Thriller 25th Anniversary Edition Part Two: http://48176e98.linkbucks.com/

Also, as a bonus, here are other songs he's done live, unreleased and whatnot. Enjoy.

CD 1

01 Ben (Live)
02 Shake Your Body (With The Jacksons- Live)
03 I'll Be There (With The Jacksons- Live)
04 Medley (With The Jacksons- Live)
05 I'll Be There (Alternative Closing)
06 You Can't Win (Disco Mix)
07 Upside Down (Live - Diana Ross & Michael Jackson)
08 Killing Me Softly (With The Jacksons)
09 On The Wall (Live)
10 Surprise Song (With The Jacksons)
11 Call On Me (Original Mix)
12 Cinderella Stay Awhile (Bonus Track from limited edition Forever Michael)
13 Girl Don't Take Your Love From Me (Bonus Track from limited edition Rockin' Robin)
14 I Like You The Way You Are - Don't Change Your Love On Me (Bonus Track from limited edition Rockin' Robin)
15 The Tracks Of My Tears (with Jackson 5 - Rehearsal Demo)
16 When We Grow Up (with Roberta Flack)
17 Can't Get Ready For Losing You (Jackson 5)

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CD 2

01 Carousel (Full Version)
02 Hot Street (Unreleased - Thriller Sessions)
03 The Girl Is Mine (Demo)
04 The Lady In My Life (Full Version)
05 Trouble (Unreleased - Thriller Sessions)
06 Nite Line (Unreleased - Thriller Sessions)
07 Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' (Demo)
08 Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' (Extended)
09 Beat It- Solo (Eddie Van Halen)
10 There Must Be More To Life Than This (Demo with Freddie Mercury on Piano)
11 There Must Be More To Life Than This (Complete Version with Freddie Mercury)
12 State Of Shock (with Freddie Mecury)
13 Baby Be Mine (Demo)
14 Billie Jean (Demo 2)
15 Billie Jean (Extended)
16 Billie Jean (Rare 1982- 12 Inch Instrumental)
17 Billie Jean (Acapella)

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CD 3

01 Got The Hots (Song From Thriller Sessions)
02 Eaten Alive (M.Jackson & Diana Ross) 12 inch mix
03 Love Never Felt So Good (Demo)
04 Bad (Pepsi Commercial)
05 Come Together (MoonWalker Version)
06 Groove Of Midnight (Demo)
07 Je Ne Veux Pas La Fin De Nous (M.Jackson & Siedah Garret)
08 Another Part Of Me (Extended Dance Mix)
09 Smooth Criminal (Acapella)
10 Smooth Criminal (Moonwalker Version)
11 Cheater (Radio Edit)
12 Dirty Diana (Live Bad Tour)
13 I Just Can't Stop Loving You (With Intro)
14 Off The Wall (Live Bad Tour)
15 The Way You Make Me Feel (Live At The Grammy's 1988)
16 Man In The Mirror (Live At The Grammy's 1988)

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CD 4

01 Rock With You (Live Bad Tour)
02 If You Don't Love Me (Unreleased Dangerous Sessions)
03 Serious Effect (Unreleased Dangerous Sessions)
04 Mind Is The Magic
05 Bumper Snippet (kid) (Instr. Dangerous Sessions)
06 What About Us (Earth Song demo)
07 Why You Wanna Trip On Me (Acapella)
08 Will You Be There (Demo)
09 I'll Be There (Pepsi Commercial)
10 Who Is It - Acapella 1992
11 Who Is It (Acapella on Oprah)
12 Man In The Mirror (Live Dangerous Tour)
13 Dirty Diana (feat. Slash - Live)
14 Elisabeth I Love You (Live 1996)
15 You Were There (Live At Sammy Davis Jr.'s 65th Anniversary)
16 For All Time (Demo)

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CD 5

01 Beat It (Live feat. Slash)
02 Dangerous (Acapella At Mexican Court)
03 Words From Michael From History
04 Ghosts (Demo 1)
05 Ghosts (Demo 2)
06 Scream-They Don't Care About Us-In the Closet (Live Munich '97)
07 Billie Jean (Live '98)
08 Escape (Unreleased)
09 Break Of Dawn (Demo)
10 Shout (B-Side)
11 Prayer For Peace (Instrumental)
12 You Rock My World (Remix) feat. Jay Z
13 We've Had Enough (extented version)
14 We Be Ballin (Master Mix) - Ice Cube, Shaquille O'Neal & Michael Jackson
15 Fall Again (Michael Jackson & Glenn Lewis)
16 Crush (Michael Jackson & Lenny Kravitz)
17 What More Can I Give
18 Todo Para Ti (What More Can I Give - Spanish version)

http://4eae188d.linkbucks.com/

CD 6

E.T. STORYBOOK (Narrated by Michael Jackson)

01. Someone In The Dark (Opening Version)
02. Landing
03. Alone
04. Discovery
05. School
06. Home
07. Intrusion
08. E.T. Phone Home
09. Chase
10. Saying Goodbye
11. Someone In The Dark (Closing Version)

http://07eb3a03.linkbucks.com/

CD 7

LIVE FROM YOKOHAMA '87

01 Wanna be Startin Something
02 Human Nature
03 Heartbreak Hotel
04 Off The Wall
05 I Want you Back
06 Rock with You
07 Lovely One
08 Workin Day and Night
09 Beat It
10 Billie Jean
11 Shake your Body
12 Thriller
13 I Just Can't Stop Loving You
14 Bad

http://091ad933.linkbucks.com/

Thanks to Newmusicblog for the links.

I know that we just met, I don't wanna leave you yet.

Been contemplating a lot of things. Secretly I've been making moves on my own, mainly to move out to L.A. Always said I would stay local forever, but I'm having this whole "safer than sorry" thing going, and since it seems like that statement: 'Its not where you're going but where you're at" is true. And in DC, I aint feeling it no more.

Could speak on the females for days, but quite frankly, ain't enough time for that. And this not where i'm going about mine.

My sister is getting older. Yesterday I seen her and she's just so grown. Had to have a conversation with my conscience like "I have to treat women better before Karma takes it out in the direction of her". I can't have that. I already am overprotective when it comes to terms of her and guys. I will be driving her to prom. If not, I'll be at the door at 12:13 waiting for her. I don't play that shit.

Moving right along. I'm on twitter today, and came to the terms, theres a lot of beautiful small ass icons out there. Granted, I dont know every female on there individually. But compared to the mass numbers of folks I know on Facebook, Twitter jie like shitting on them. Only thing I CAN vouch for is some girls having a pretty face that makes them look slinder, then when you see them in a FULL body photo, they look real.. ordinary. Thats not a problem.

Came to the conclusion I'm going to go to Atlanta for at least a week. My boy said he wants to make that move, so what I did was started mingling with the females on twitter. They know where the alcohol and the parties are. I reached 1,750 followers too. I would self sice, but I follow at least 1,900+. Mainly because if you dont.. Twitter is boring as shit without it. Think of high school superlatives with statuses...

Anyway I have work to do. Later.

If You Are Subscribed, or Want to continue to Follow this blog.

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July 4th, meaning you have 11 days to contact me to be on the readers list. If I don't have your email, you won't be reading it.

"So, tell me something about yourself."

"So, tell me something about you".





Men and woman can agree they hate those words. Trying to get a new person means:

• You have to reitterate the same statements over and over.


• Fish for ideas that make you sound unique.


• Try to be unbiased.

So I stayed up until 2AM trying to describe myself. I turned my phone off, ignored test messages, Twitter and Facebook. As a result, I'm going to continue to avoid them for a minute. No particular reason. Moving right along... the diplomatic description of me.

Im five foot eight, one hundred fifty pounds. I didn't pick my gene pool. An Aquarius, twenty two years old. My large black eyes are set against luminescent whites. Ebony face clean and body hair similarly maintained. I know my way around a dance floor but more comfortable on the outskirts or at the bar. For a wallet I prefer a cardholder; four cards and a folded-up twenty for emergencies. I don't cash carry.

Lately at the bar ill order a Grey Goose and tonic. Occasionally a Midori sour. I watch CNN and SPORTSCENTER every morning. Read USA Today three times a week, and the local paper every Sunday. At work I picked the most expensive health plan. I rather pay a little more for the best.

When I go out, it tends to be where I can milk my hookups. I've always been frugal, so ill continue to shop for deals and coupons. Sue me. Almost every weekend ill go and eat brunch, usually at Ulah Bistro. I eat out almost every night. Lately I've started appreciating wines in the middle of the palate...Chardonnay and pilot noirs.

Cardinals fan. I have no respect for the Bengals. Or the Eagles. I sprained my ankles three years ago bad playing ball. I like being well liked and am eager to please. Having a lot of friends and associates, wherever I seem to go, I run into one or more of them. Loyalty is the story of my life. Wouldn't die for the associates, but I digress.

My dream house has five bedrooms and four full baths. Brick Victorian. We can discuss square footage later.

I scoff at people who buy exact outfit off the mannequins. I'm always looking for ways to maximize my wardrobe, ways to recombine or recycle. On occasion some newer fashion ideas, with marriages of styles that I wouldn't normally consider. At work I wear Prada d'Homme. Outside of that either bottle Bianca picked out. Thanks you.

Marriage is down the line. I am however, a little tired of talking to multiple women at one time. I love women, and like to think its residual. (saying this matter-of-factly). I'm not God, I'm nowhere near perfection. I've done some dumb shit and I've hurt many that I've cared about, but for the most part I'm a good person, and I think people can sense it. I know how to make a woman feel safe, appreciated, and sexy. A woman who feels this way will do anything with you sexually because she is comfortable. Sometimes the women I've dated find themselves comfortable doing things they haven't done before or enjoying things that they hated doing with the previous dude.

Mom told me its never too late to do the right thing, so I am attempting to redeem myself. I'm determined to make the best out of every situation. When I go out with my folks, I'm going to have a good time. My philosophy has always been "money can buy you fashion, but it
can't buy you style.". As a result I ignore the ignorance in nightclubs.

I just like looking for myself. It helps when women notice too.

Still thing all I can talk about is sex?.. Bet you $ you aint even read all of this. It's cool though. It's off my chest now.

Wont You Wine For Me

The problem with champagne is that we celebrate it, but we wont drink it.

Now, I used to be an alcoholic. I'm lying, but my kidnies could've told you different. So I stopped. So I quit alcohol. I'll have a cup every now and again, but thats about it. Lately I've been on a champagne binge.

We've all been taught that champagne is for celebrations. It is. But a good French champagne is a complex beverage, and when you see dudes in nightclubs using it like it shows self pity for their own pride, its actually quite disgusting. Hence why I don't drink Rose'. The company notices the sales, and start massely producing garbage. Like to this day, Grey Goose [vodka], doesnt taste the same it did 6,7 years ago when I first tasted it. Same with Ciroc. But back to champagne.

I know some women that go and drink wine by their bedsides. And 9 times out of 10 it puts them in the "mood". No, this isn't a reason for dudes to keep two bottles on chill by theres, but it is sort of a good thing to have a couple bottles. So, I decided to step out and buy myself a couple bottles just to go ahead. I even asked a co-worker how he felt about them since he has a wine cellar, and he put me onto some bottles that are so great, that you HAVE to buy by bulk. You can't get them at stores.
------- Just wanted to share that about my wine.

Bad Vagina Blues

Just like some women have them, we men too have them. I havent written about sex for a while in a blog, thanks to some particular women feeling like this is all I talk about. I'm just afraid that I might scare most with the shit that REALLY goes through my mind. [I.E. the Rules of Engagement Mike Gorick has about referal fees, and how European democracies are doing more for human rights than the US. But like I said before.. y'all arent ready for substance. So... this is what I give you.]

Few things I spoke to with a female, and one of my boys. We sat on the phone, and compiled a list of things we all hated. She had some things, we had some things. Majority of hers stemmed from "little dicks, big dicks that didnt know their use, musty balls, pubic hairs too long", you know... shit of that nature. So I came to the realization... shit, we might as well have a "Bad Vagina Blues" segment. Few comments I got:

Dude: "I hate whenme and a girl are in missionary, and her pubic hairs are brushing up against me. A little hair is cool, but if that shit has a pull to it, its GOT to go."

Had me stunned, because I'm like.. "okay, I know I'm a guy, and I dont think any self respecting dude should go and go BARE. Meaning they should shave all their pubes. Some females prefer it naked, but that shit itches. Tried it once trying to impress a girl, NOT a good look. Especially since I play ball too... Imagine a game of full court basketball without hair. Not a LOT of it, but a shade. [if that makes sense]. With that said.. Dudes.. the going bald down there.. Let the females go get the brazilians. I was contemplating getting one with the old flame a few months back when she went to get hers, just off moral support. But nah.

Why do they have feminine spray for the pussy, but they don't have deodorant for the nuts?

Yes I asked it. Granted, no mans nuts should smell THAT bad, but from what one girl tells me on Twitter, a dudes nuts have a salty taste. Yeah, even I jolted back at the statement. But she wasnt finished. "A dudes nuts are salty, but if he's my man I'll go down there. Only problem is he needs to shave"

1. There is NO possible way to SAFELY trim, shave, or wax a sack of nuts. Period. The shit is not safe. Nicks and cuts are fierce. I've shed a tear before [same day I tried that shaving shit] trying to impress a female. Never again.

But... BACK to this Bad Vagina Blues because I got a little bit off topic.

One casualty of Bad Vagina Blues I can remember was Ms. Feminist. I'll call her that because she had this whole "Like me for who I am" type shit going on. So I did. We never got to truly "hang out" because majority of the time I partied once place, she partied another. So it just so happened either one of us would get a call from the other about quality time. The first time was cool. I went over, slept. The next time, she called me drunk, so I capitalized on the opportunity. Bad, but she got naked first. So after that, it because an instance of "we shouldve never happened because I care about you, [insert tangent here], and we should take our time.

Sweetheart, we fucked, we nutted, we smiled. Move on.

It wasnt a case of "blame it on the alcohol", however what you do while intoxicated is beyond my control. *Riley Voice from Boondocks* "I seen pussy I came. You seen pussy you ran". [ Not exactly the same words.. but hey.]

BVB #2- Women who must have sex to slow music ALL the time. Like the sex has to have a "Red Shoe Diaries" effect to it. I dont mind it. But if you aren't my girl, yet we do this from time to time because you know what you mean to me and vice versa...yeah. No Usher Raymond melodies. Its funny, I used to talk to this girl HEAVY, meaning like whereever I went, she did. Wholetime, it was like "oh we just friends", yet we fucked one night for so long we got in the house eating Mcdonalds Late Night Menu, and by time we finished, we stopped to get Steak Bagels.

Needless to say, she hit me with the "I want to do something different". So she goes and starts lighting candles, dimming lights, and putting Sade on shuffle on her ipod stereo. I'm looking around like "C'mon now.. this aint right". I got so used to ripping off her underwear, that the intimacy spectrum was void. So the sex felt different. Especially when people make slow jam playlists that are wack. I can keep a steady stroke through Gerald Levert and R. Kelly, but don't go making PLIES the next song. It will NOT go well.

These are just two of my Bad Vagina Blues. Bare with me.

Straight Fuckin [1 Night Stands & Single Folks Sex Music]

Now I made a playlist of SLOW JAMS for y'all. Those were strictly for those who are in love and want to please their partner, doing all the candlelight stuff. HOWEVER.. there are some of us who are single, but may or may not have a partner from time to time,t hat you are just knocking off with some good dick/pussy for the night. You CANNOT play songs like "K'Ci & JoJo's All My Life" with them. You must have some type of "intimacy without the passion" going with it. With that said... HERES the playlist. Enjoy. [Sorry, there is no Chris Brown on this playlist.] UPDATE: Neither is H-Town's "Knocking The Boots". That song will RUIN the mood. I have a replacement though.

1. Trey Songz- Sex Fo Yo' Stereo


2. The Dream- Put It Down


3. Boyz II Men- Ooh Ahh


4. Play N Skillz- Freaks


5. Janet Jackson- I Get So Lonely [Remix]


6. Changing Faces- Stroke You Up


7. Maxi Priest- Close To You


8. Ginuwine- Stingy


9. D' Angelo- Brown Sugar


10. Silk- Lose Control


11. J. Holiday- Bed


12. Jamie Foxx- Weekend Lover


13. Total- Kissing You


14. Twista- Get It Wet


15. Pretty Willie- Sex In The Daytime


16. Dream- Falsetto


17. Xscape- Who Can I Run To


18. Ne-yo- Say It


19. Jon B. They Don't Know


20. Trey Songz- In The Middle


21. Mario- Directions


22. Joe- Lets Stay Home Tonight


23. R. Kelly- Tempo Slow


24. Kelis- Goodbyes


25. Lauryn Hill- Nothing Even Matters


26. H- Town: They Like it Slow


27. Usher- That's What it's made for


28. Remy Shand- Take A Message


29. Beyonce- What is it Gonna Be


30. Anthony Hamilton- Pass Me Over


31. Chante Moore- Love's Taken Over


32. Fantasia- I nominate u


33. Jagged Edge- Remedy


34. Houston- Aint Nothing Wrong

Slow Jam Playlist Part One.

Just a Playlist I've put together of a few of my Favorite Slow Jams for them intimate nights. [For those of y'all that have somebody]. This SHOULDNT be used on a one night stand. It will NOT have the same effect. Trust me. NO particular order. Even if you shuffle it.. It'll be good.

Maxwell- A Womans Work
112- Sweet Love
Usher- Can You Help Me
BLuelight- Sex is On My Mind
Boyz II Men- Ill Make Love To You
R. Kelly- Imagine That
Prince- Adore
Sada- Cherish
Tyrese- On Top of Me
Keith Sweat- Im Not Ready
Alicia Keys- Butterflies
Scarface- Fuck Faces
504 Boyz- I Can Tell
LSG- My Body
Jodeci- Freek'n You
Jeremih- Birthday Sex
Ne-yo- Say it
R. Kelly- Greatest Sex
Maxwell- Til The Cops Come Knocking
Dream- Sweat it Out
Destiny's Child- T Shirt
Toni Braxton- Spanish Guitar
Luther Vandross- If This World Were Mine
BabyFace- This is For The Cool
Tony Toni Tone- It Never Rains [In Southern California]
Carl Thomas- Thought You Should Know
D'Angelo- Higher
Erykah Badu- Rimshot
Jill Scott- Crown Royal
TLC- Red Light Special
Amel Larrieux- For Real
T-Pain- Blow Ya Mind
Ludacris Feat. Rapheal Saadiq- Splash Waterfalls [Acoustic]
Maxwell- Submerge
Silk- Silktime
Dru Hill- Beauty
Kem- I Can't Stop Loving You

The Roots- You Got Me

Musiq- Love

SWV- Rain

R. Kelly- Baby, Baby, Baby

Zapp & Roger- I wanna Be Your Man
Hi-Five: I like The Way [The Kissing Game]
Kevon Edmonds- 24/7

Robin THicke- U Center Me

Lionel Richie- Hello [Old heads]

Playa- Cheers To You

Art Of Noise- Moments in Love
Jamie Foxx- Weekend Lover

Jamie Foxx- Can I Take You Home

Jamie Foxx- Do What it Do

Bobby Brown- Rock Wit'cha

Immature- Please Don't Go

Bobby Valentino- Boyshorts

Lloyd- Streetlove

Jahiem- Straight Fucking

Usher- Nice & Slow [The LIVE one]

Mary J. Blige- Slow Down

Xscape- My Little Secret

I Dont Care If They Gave it in NAVIGATION, DONT GO THERE

Okay, retrograde is over, so hopefully life is treating you good, because its treating me swell. How you been? How your mama treating you? Thats good, wonderful... Making a short story shorter.. Onto the blog.

In the Past 30 days, I lost a female I had strong feelings for, gained a stalker, woke up in a bed that wasn't mine, went to PARK [I know, I know], Laughed at Lebron, broke a computer, an ipod, AND a cell phone, and planned a trip. Sounds amusing right? Great, because I'm not going to talk about NONE of that. I have motivation for other things.

Dear women who wear animal print anything. especially cougar like elderly women. STOP, I repeat STOP wearing leopard print leggings if you have some extra pounds on you. Sweetheart, KANGAROOS have pouches. Cheetahs don't. With that said the National Zoo is open SIX days a week. I suggest you get familiar.

Cruisinggggg along. You ever had sex so good that you woke up the next day trying to find the condom? Well I haven't. But I thought about it, and I'd like to have that. Sex so great that fuck... you might just go head and leave the condom on AFTER fucking. Just lay in your essence, wake up the next day and all the spermicide dry. [Paints a vivid picture don't it? Kodak Greggie. Oww.]

• If I text you about what your doing tonight...Be clear, you aren't the only person I've texted saying this. It wasn't a MASS text.. I may have reworded it somehow.. But don't think I'm DEPENDENT on you getting back to me. Give a guppy a worm, and it'll bite. This is my world, you are in it. However, I'll launch your ass out into the galaxy in an instant. Be clear.



• Pussy is just that.. pussy. I talk about it, great..wonderful. Fellas, stop priding it. Had a dude call me and say "man, I love her so much." Dude.. shes another mans girl. Which means shes ENTITLED to give you great pussy. But don't try your hand at handcuffing. It wont work.

SO.....I'm walking down the street the other day, and it dawned on me... I never look up. SO I started walking with my head looking forward... and might I say.. the World is an ugly fucking place. Have you ever just stepped back and LOOKED at shit..? ESPECIALLY in DC? I love my town.. I truly do.. BUT this place has some ugly sights. Its intriguing that HALF of the tourist that come here get shown the monument, the memorials, and even the CAPITOL.. but little do they know.. the hood is RIGHT behind it, two blocks over. Slumdogs forreal.

Anyway... a couple things that grind my gears:

1. Fat women who insist on being skinny but refuse to use weight: Listen here lover, 2pac was a rapper. 2 stomachs wont help you go platinum. You dig?



2. Skinny women wearing even skinnier clothes: Boo, I love you, I really do. You skinny women are so appealing. But I went to an all white [well beige since MOST people cant find all white clothing], and I swear I seen a group of 10 women that looked like they wrapped their whole body in band aids, put on some heels and said "fuck it".



3. Dudes who brag about their dick: Now granted, I'm every bit of 5'8' and a smile, so I KNOW when I see a female out and about, if I approach her, she gives me the look like "Oh, he cant handle me". With that said.. I don't even go and say "girl, I'll break your back". That ain't my focus. It just kills me when dudes say one thing about they shit, then a female goes back and contracts it. I stand TRUE to my "Moist Satin Sheets" story though. Pictures don't lie.

Moving right along. I've been motivated to become a better man thanks to retrograde, so I've made some slight changes, a few mishaps, and have come to the decision on where I want to be in life. I was striving to be a OB/GYN, but I'm afraid that looking at pussy all day will stunt my sexual growth. So.. I'll stick with this law life for a while.

SIDENOTE: It was me that wrote in your honesty box. You know who you are. Now.. you have no reason to guess.

Oh.. Umm yeah.. Mcdonalds.. you and I arent friends. Let me explain without being graphic. I took the meanest shit ever thanks to a Honey Mustard Snack Wrap. So as a result, no more of that shit for me. FIVE GUYS too. You summsofbeeches food is so greasy, you can grease Cassies naked scalp with that shit. No fuego.

Fellas... This is OUR corner. Have a few tips and pointers for you.

1. Its the summer. LIE to women. They seem to like being lied to. If they tell you they dont, its because they are mad they aint get to lie to you first.

LETS break down the term SUMMERTIME.

S- Sex. A lot of it.

U- Ultrabar [obviously where I'll be on many a nights. Even on international nights. I'm getting diverse out chere. Oww.]

M- Mothers. If shes single with kids.. first question you should ask is "Do you have a reliable babysitter. Fuck all that "I gotta make some calls."

M- See above.

E- Ectasy Pills: Dude asked me if I wanted to buy a couple of them at 24 a couple weeks back. Verbatim : "Bitchs do E out here son, gets em loose"...Well allllllright.

R- Relationships: People come home from school, and [new news to me], get back with their "at home boo". My boy hit me with this. "Yeah, youngin home from school, I'll bun her up til August." <---VITAL.

T- Tolerance- This heat and rain on and off shit... = LOW tolerance for it.

I- Independent Male Bashing Songs- Epiphany... Love Chrisette, but she has some of you women saying words you couldn't pronounce a month ago. Don't DARE say "I've had an Epiphany", then try to say "conversate". Dumb bitch, "I'll shoot you in your chest I'll WET CHA" *Steve Harvey Voice*

ME: If it aint bout that... fuck you. I think that should be printed on an Iron-on T-Shirt.

Fin. BITCH.