You make my penis smile.

I have an ego. Not one of them Beyonce joints either. A sexual joint. When I meet a woman now, the inner man asks first off three questions:

• Can she support herself without a man?
• Can she fuck?
• Whats her flaw.

And it just so happens that the flaw could be...she's fucking everybody, to support herself. Now, I aint saying she's a golddigger, but she damn sure knows what she got is going to get her what she desires. Case in point. A pretty face will ask you "can you buy my a drink" at a bar, even though you just met her. Yeah, you're attractive, but that aint gfot shit to do with what you got going on.

Dont know what I meant by the last paragraph, so in order to not talk in circles, I'm going to attempt to write in moderation and stay on topic. Todays topic has to be sex. You know the best feeling in the world? Have on call sex. Like y'all don't necessarily have to be dating, y'all feeling each other, but the sex is that great that you get a text like "I miss the dick". Shit is wonderful. Now I remember when I used to talk to like 5, 6 females at a time, I would send out a text message every Friday, promptly at 5:15 like "What you doing tonight". I knew sending it round this time meant: All guestlist were close, so she wasnt going to be doing that; She'd cancel them plans she already had.

But I had to stop doing that. Mainly because females are the new niggas. Received a text message from a girl I aint seen since the Inaugeration. Text message simply read

Its been a while. I was bunned up, but its the summer. I'm single and fuckstrated. What's up.

Let me step back three steps and go back to when she was in a relationship.

Simply put....She had a man. She was in love like shit. SO me being a bastard, I was trying to get inside of her just for the sake of her being someones elses property. Vindictive yes, but when I was with my ex, she would blow up my phone with text and calls. Figured it was payback. Sue me.

Slim was one of those dickteasers. Like she was a flirt on the low low [especially Facebook..where I met her..*tisk*.] Basiclaly she'd put up nasty quotes and quizzes, make lil notions on your profile and shit.. But then an hour or so later, Facebook status with be "Can't wait to see my baby...etc etc"

And I got tired of getting her ready and geared up for that nigga. So I started throwing her shade. My thing is.. if it aint me you fucking, you wasting oxygen. She got mad, but fuck it, you got a man, fuck you in my face for?

Short story even shorter. Its almost August. And the following must commence by August 1st, 2010. [next year]

1. Fucking on the National Mall. Dont matter what time. I'll handle the indecent exposure charge.
2. Head in daytime in a mall parking lot. Shit just sounds good.
3. Fuck in a moonbounce. Shit sounds good.
4. And this:

Amy Smart Funny Crank 2 Sex Scene - Click here for funny video clips

And if you dont know, Now you know...Nigga.

No bullshit though, thats how I've been lately. This year alone I've heard "How about we be friends" entirely too many times. Its kind of hard to go and be fucking someone and maintain a stable friendship. So I've basically just been reluctant to fuck. Have you also noticed that once you havent had sex for an extended period of time, all these HIV/AIDS/STD commercials pop out of the woodworks? i'm protected and conscious, so I'm content. Plus I test. But I digress.

To make a short story shorter, girl I used to get it in with frequent is getting married. Now its funny because she's content that she's in love with me, ecetera, ecetera, however, its going in one ear, directly out the other. I havent blogged much in the past three, four months because I've been trying to condense the shit I say into one blog a week, but I have entirely too many thoughts up here, so I'm about to spill them all. Back to the marriage situation. Basically 4, maybe 5 months ago, she meets dude. He says he's going to the milltary, they get engaged. When people tell me this story, I hear it so much I think three things.

• Its lonely over there fighting an endless war. You want to feel like you have something else waiting marinating while you are over there.


• Your fiance' will get that check monthly. To pay for school, cars, save up, whatever.


• People really think that shit works out.

Now the one girl I talked to near the end of last year married her friend so she could get the check. So while I'm dating her and sleeping beside her, pretty much slim was married. So I asked her what she did with the check, she simply said that she payed off her books and car note. Must be nice. I'm about to search the US Army section of Facebook and get me a woman to wife up so I can get that summoned to me. But ol' girl who I'm talking about is scheduled to get married next year. I don't condone it, but I'm happy for her. I'll say this once so I can get it out of my brain. It was sex, and a little emotion there. She was around when I was with my ex but we never fucked. Her and I broke up.. and umm yeah, the sex commist. I had some great orgasmic moments as a result. I even contemplated continuing the sex while dude was overseas, seeing as he would never know, but I hate Karma, and I'm on this strive to be a better man, so I opted not to.

But umm yeah. So thats my situation with that. I've spoken/heard from Interim a lot lately. Don't know if thats necessarily a good, or a bad thing. Guess it is what it couldn't be before. But seems like one party wont let up. *slanted eye*.

Making a short story shorter, I'll try to blog more, but I be drawing blanks and shit. This what I have for now. I cant say all that I want to say because as @getyourhoneyon says on Twitter "You're so funny, it's hard to take you serious"

Touche'. Watch me work. Shit bout to get real, real soon.

Carpe diem, Goodbye soon as I greet em'

I came to the conclusion of quite a few things.

• I tend to keep entirely too many women around during the summer. This is the summer of saving. Females want to see all the summer blockbusters, Greg is trying to worry about Black Friday in November. I can't be doing on dates seeing the latest Will Smith flick. Just not in my budget.
• Bougie bitches love us dudes who quite frankly don't give a fuck about them.

Now I've dated and talked to them all. But upscale is fucking hilarious. Granted it started off as a conquest. Cute Spanish girl, nice figure, typical "Lounge" chick you wouldnt find at the club. Then last night... Seen her at the club. Totally lost her value. Contact is now in my phone as "DMV joint". Basically she put on this front talking about "I'm used to the finer things. I date men that have their own businesses, cars, houses"....Wholetime shes at L0VE walking around trying to get every hood nigga in DC's attention. We lock eyes a good two times. I ain't even speak, wasted talent.

Moral of that story is.. Bitches will lie. Niggas lie too, it's just females have a better script. They just can't stick to it.

Fucking. It's always fun, but lately the shit is just been like "okay.". Now granted, the pussy is wonderful, the sex is great. But the casual sex be having NO value at some points.


Sex Scene from the Movie Good Luck Chuck - The most amazing home videos are here


Like the motivation to fuck is there, the nut will happen, but when I get up, I'm ready for round two. Sure, most dudes have quick first rounds, but the first round be too extensive that I came, and midway through me nutting, my dick is still hard and I'm trying to get it ready for the return. I need to be checked out.

I actually miss Interim a little bit. I know her ass does too, just I have too much pride, and she..well I don't know. That shit ended strangely. And funny thing is... Day 90 would've been yesterday.

I decided to leave the blog open for now mainly because I came to terms like if you dont like the shit I say [that could be about you] then yeah, lose yourself. Its funny when I hear "I don't want to be a part of your blog".. Well, dont' do anything bad to be a casualty. And lately theres been a few of them. One that I aint heard from. Upscale. And some of the Twitter ones. whew... the twitter ones. lol. All talk, never any action. With me its like "put up or shut up".. everybody else is all gimmicks to gain followers. If I talk nasty, 9 times out of 10, I'm about it. This is what I've gained from Twitter in the 8+ months I've been on there.

• You will end up flirting with somebodys friend, or somebodys girl. I've received 9 DM's from dudes asking me if I was joking about the things I was talking about with their girls. I wasnt. I feel like this. If your single, by all means.. talk big shit. But it ain't fun knowing that your girl is out here flirting away in updates to "AlSharpTongue". Because I'm goin to go full fledged with it. Leash her.
  
• It's cool to be a celebrity. The pussy and penis you get thrown at you is endless. Before I joined Twitter, I had the UTMOST respect for most of them. Since I reached 2,000 followers, most of the celebrities are just someone I want attention from, and probably sex down. Like Cassie. I don't necessarily LIKE her, but since she's twitter accessible, I'd fuck her. Same with the joints from Danity Kane. NEVER watched an episode of the show, but they fuckable.
  
• Names get you far. If my name was "SimplyGreg"... I would'nt get as much attention. AlSharpTongue might quite possibly be up there in the top 25 twitter names. [gassing myself.]
• I got offered a three some. Fucked up part. One girl lives on the East. One lives on the other side of the map. And I'm not a frequent flyer minus on Ski season. So in order to compromise, I'll host the Trio Venue. Call me lame for accepting sex from Twitter. But I'm sure you've gone on a date or fucked someone off the internet. If you havent, you're a liar and I hope your mother gets dunked on by Patrick Chewing.

Song pretty much is the mood of the moment. No particular reason, but the joint just grooves.


Oh. The clubbing will be minimum. And I've developed a taste for alcohol again. I said I'd stop, but then I found $1.00 drinks. So.. I will be drinking. "Some girls are nice, some girls are whores.". Just watch out for the big girls.

If you aint got no money, take your broke ass home.

Just got home from an outting. Can't even call the shit a date. Shit was fucking wack. Started out cool. Conversation the WHOLE ride there was good. Like there was even a thought of a possible second date. But... you know theres always some type of fuckery going on.

So... She shows up. Granted the first "outting" we went on. So we driving, she mentions that her tank is on E. I aint tripping because I don't pay for nobody gas. Fuck that shit. You decided to swing past my house, you better be clear, you made the drive. I know right now she's like "oh, I got a free meal out of him".. but I got a ride to and from. And the money ain't an issue. You driving a brand new car on an empty tank IS bew bew. Fuck is wrong with your noodle.

So....we end up at TGI Fridays by George Washington. She gets out the car like "you ready for this date?".. Sweetheart.. I dont date.

• I Fuck
• I drink
• I party
• Ipod

But I don't date. And to make matters worse I started "talking" to a girl today, so I had to make it clear that it was an outting between two friends that needed to get out the house. She obliged.

Cool. Conversation cool. But the bill comes. She looking at me, I'm looking at her, she looking at me, I'm looking at her. So I'm like "okay, where the fuck your funds?" She has no wallet. So I'm looking at this bitch real Cyclops like. So I'm like "fuck it, I got the bill, you pay the tip." This bitch don't even have cash. So i'm like "okay, how about you go ahead and just pay the tip with your card?". She dont' have your bank card.



Feeling almost bad for this broke, strangely strange ass bitch, I say fuck it, swipe my card, add the tab, and continue drinking my drink. Now Usher is singing the song at the Michael Jackson memorial at this point, so I'm like "I'm going to watch, make her wait on me. I dont give a fuck if she drove. This broad going to wait. Fuck her."

• I continue to drink my Moquito. Fuck I look like. I fitted the bill. She went and downed her drink and was like "I may need one more drink". I kindly said "check please". Now me being the SMART drinker.. I want that buzz when I LEAVE that bitch. So I aint going to finish my cup til I'm bout to walk out the door. So needless to say.. she sat for 15 minutes while I took quiet sips of my drink.
• She's asking me dumb questions like "am I mad". So me, I'm like "Umm yeah, next time, how about you bring yourself some money when you come out. Grown ass broke bitch.

BACKTRACK> BACKTRACK. It gets better. Oh fuck yes it gets better.

So slim is a waitress. And a teacher. Cool. So we are driving down Georgia Ave, and she pulls over, pulls out a sheet of paper, and writes her info down. I'm looking like "Wtf"..? She walks into the strip club.. Penthouse, and gives the security guard her info so she can wait tables there. Now I should've seen this as a sign, but I can't knock a broke bitches hustle.



Needless to say, my night was salty as shit. I've called myself some sex. I ain't going to sleep without a nut. Good night.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY WEEKEND. *You put YOURSELF out there*

Told myself I wouldn’t do this... But yeah... I lied. Let me start off right. If you one of them shiesty motherfuckers that aint answer calls or text all weekends, but decided to call Sunday thinking shit was sweet... I’m telling you now... Get lost. Pretty much stamping this and making it clear. I made a few calls to some folks seeing their agendas and whatnot. Weren’t too busy to change that facebook status... But too busy to answer? Fuego. New news for old fools though. ESPECIALLY the jaints that came in from out of town. lol. All week. "Oh yeah, we definitely have to get up". Told you in Fridays post. Sunday is football, and relaxation. Don’t come at me talking about can we still get up. Nope.

Oh... I realized certain someone I know personally just up and deleted and blocked me off this jaint though. Serious much sweetheart? I thought it was quite childish. You got mad because of what you seen on me and a mutual friend’s wall, so you went, reading our wall conversation. THEN... to top that off... you seen another female name and got hot about it? Come on shawty. We can all do better than that. Make matters worse... you tried to KEEP the one mutual friend I talk to on the regular as a friend so you can keep tabs on what I'm saying. Type shit is THAT? Facebook got you tight knot in the brain sweety. Anyway, hope is all well on your side. Regardless of the shiesty shit you pulled, you’re my friend end of the day. You’re free to unblock me whenever you see fit. Only children play games, and it’s been years since I heard a recess bell. You comprehend? Thumbs up.

Jose. That was some true bitch ass shit you did too son. I'm hot bout that. You SITTING with two females at the bar... and you mad cause I aint bring MORE? Fuck type nigga is you slim? You already basically tried to force fuck Morgan. But now you acting like a skirt because the spot wasn’t up to your standards? THEN... make matters worse... you have us drive to UMD to Thirsty Turtle, thinking me and Jessica were sitting in a long ass line? Lol. Got me fucked up like sex on the ceiling. I can’t even fuck with you no more slim. You’re another nigga cut off like unpaid light bills.

(Adrienne... thanks for taking time to go to the game too. Glad to actually see you for once. lol)

SIGH... What else.

Oh... that bitch ass bartender that was working at the spot across from ESPN Zone. I hope everything negative that could happen in a 24 hour span happen to you. First off... you don’t disrespect no female by throwing money back at her. She helping your fuck ass out. Talking bout "I don’t want that". You were close to getting a glass to the temple. Calling the feds won’t get you saved all the time slim. You probably can’t even see this... But yeah... Amy & Dee know what the situation is.

So... about this weekend... Howard Homecoming. First let’s start with the Fur stories I've heard. Dude friend of mine ended up calling me telling me how he fucked some chick from Fur. Come to find out... homegirl BOYFRIEND was at the spot the same night. Followed them HOME. Sat outside... yes... sat OUTSIDE while his girl got knocked up. When she strolls out... the nigga goes at who? My boy. Slim... Your broad... at clubs... Not only getting drunk... But LEFT her homegirls, to go home with someone else. Pretty much stamped that she aint in the right mindframe when it comes to terms of you. Charge it to the game. if shes a cheater.... he beat her, but you wanna keep her. Mistake you made: Not strangling her ass.

Another Fur incident. Broad in a purple skin tight dress, and silver heels. I wasnt even there and got the text message. *shaking my head*. You THAT drunk, calling UP steps, ass hanging out your apparel? Where was your entourage when you needed them? I WISH I could send the video in. But with my luck... your on my friends list... *sigh*

Slumber Party @ Republic. Literally SIX people came in pajamas though? lol. No further discussion....

Nigga hanging out at the Mcdonalds @ Howard------Come on... I'm coming from WORK... and all I hear is "well fuck you then bitch". Or "You can have whatevaaaaaa youuuuu likeeeee girlllll". Despiration is at an all time high before 2009. First off. It was 53 degrees out that spot Friday night. Not only are you NOT pulling any females... But you're freezing... while stunting. What female you think is taking you seriously posted sitting on the Washington Post Newspaper stand trying to talk to them? How about you take the Job Section out while you sit there, and at least TRY to get on your job though? Bet you'd get taken seriously.

The half dressed females walking the Howard Strip--------- It was cute as shit walking about in them skimpy outfits wasn’t it? How your feet feel? Better yet, how’s that cold? You know you’re anemic. Fuck you outside without a jacket for? The logic babe. The logic. I have some cough drops and cold medicine for your baby. Class this week is going to be a bitch.

Personal "balling" friend of mine... You spent 100.00 to get in love? Son. I HAVE to be you in another life. Sorry I couldn’t be there though. I’m on a budget. Hard out here for a pimp man. Recession got my pockets on decline. Heard there was a surplus of loose booty at Love Saturday though. I was personally out at the Caps game. (Thanks Dee & Amy)


Anyway... won’t make this longer than it already is... But basically if you got brand new over the weekend... or in general. Fuck everything you stand for. That’s how I'm going. Don’t know WHAT it is about the weekend, THIS past one that has people feeling like they can walk on hot coal and not get scorched. I'll continue tomorrow more than likely. Figured people were winding down, so I'd post tonight.

Oh… To the female that called me (You know who you are).. Why the fuck did you EVEN bother calling me? You spent all your money all weekend, then thinking I was paying for a movie with your happy go lucky ass? HA! Somebody must’ve misinformed you. You cant get a MATINEE out of me at this point. Your lucky I aint call Verizon and tell them I aint accepting calls from you. Yeah, be mad that I wrote this too. I’m on some brand new shit. Calling me talking about can you borrow $30.00 cause you only have $10.00 and you wanna get a ticket for Love. Stop living out of your means.

---And dont park in front of Nini's damn house no more either!

--Tracey...You+me= butt naked mud wrestling. You know you wouldn’t fight me. Your heart is softer than Charmin. Let me stop before I start. Just know that yeah... You and Jessica are my favorite Howard personalities. Never met y'all, but it'll happen. (Tell Jessica stop tripping off whatever the situation is too. She has me. Owwww).

Oh My Lord what a weekend...

TODAY is a LONG post. Read slow. its a LOT.

I'mma start off fast. I'm sitting here just thinking about it in route to work. Why in the hell Sarah Palin daughter get pregnant, and it’s like they get PRAISED for it, meanwhile, a couple months back, when they found out that Brittney Spears sister was pregnant, seemed like everyone was catching feelings about the whole situation. Almost like she was convicted. I swear white people get away with more bullshit than a little bit. I love them to death, but some shit just don't fly. I'm sitting here reading the paper, and I find out that Miley Cirus (15) is dating some 20 year old dude. What?!? Man I was 18 and couldn't even date a 17 year old. That's statutory if you have brown skin. And I'm not to jail savvy so I had to 'let her gooooooo' (in Keyshia Cole voice)

So, bout this weekend. We STILL celebrating Dee's birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEE!!!!!!!!!

For the next three weeks, we are getting down .so Friday we hit up Hawk. Man... Joint was packed. Wasn't nothing like last Friday. This was the first time BOTH floors were packed. Shoutout to everybody who came out. Maria, Ashley, Tiara, Morgan, Morgan friend (still stuck right now, sorry), Jose, John, Amy, and Jackie! It was a nice little party. Even though I didn't get zooted, everybody else partied.

"Fuck that...I partays!' (Matt know, they know)



Dee outshined the white girls from GW by dancing on two tables. Picture that. She was zooted. Lol. Then after the party...off to IHOP we go. And man... Funny shit.

-IM NOT ETHIOPIAN @ Maria! Albino ass!

But basically all the ladies got hit on by these two Spanish cats. Offered to buy them drinks and all. So who am I to hate. I found the shit to be hilarious that they were trying to flirt in Spanish. I took four years of the shit in high school, so I have common knowledge of some conjugates. So they flirting, and Ashley (her ass), talking back with then (intro Spanish, how are you, Como estas, convo). So they get their drinks, yet we STILL waiting on our food.

Then...the niggers show up. Laughing and giggling and talking shit about each other. So one dude sees Dee has her shoes off while she's eating, and says the most random shit I heard the whole night. 'Ugh, roaches and rats crawl on these floors!'. GREAT nigger, make me question the cleanliness of my French toast fuckfart.

Random thought: I look damn good today. If I were a female with Lauren London potential, I'd fuck me on my desk, and then quit my job.

But anyway....Saturday. Whew, interesting night to say the least. So I won't say much about it. The people that were there know the whole situation, there's no need to ponder. Just a lot of miscommunications really. It was nice to see both of Dee's friends come out. I was surprised as shit when she said she was married. Lol. Whole time in my head was

'Cause you look so gooooooooodddd, tell me why you wanna work here'.
Lmao. Don't really match the thought, but you know I'm not all there anyway.

After we went to Galaxy (Shout out to Tyrone who never showed up at Galaxy, I called you back too man, no answer, Happy Birthday though), we went to Adams Morgan. Started off at Tom Toms, but between the abundance of white people who popped X Pills (exhibit A: Homeboy in the parking lot asking everybody to rub his back), or the roof leaking, I was ready to try another spot. So we went over to Heaven and Hell. Funny spot, because it reminds me of the dance spot in Fort Lauderdale. Hole in the wall, three floors, and particular bartenders. Ashley and Dee went and got their drink on. My voice was getting raspy as shit from drinking that Truth Serum from earlier. (Dee, I think that’s the drink that did it all. Because Im at work now sounding like Rick Ross. Bawwwwse!) Maria stayed in the cut, because both me and her were hungry as shit, and I was actually craving Ben’s Chilli Bowl just like she was.

Most of the rest of the weekend was exclusive, so if you weren’t there, no reason to explain.
Also, now situations have changed since I’ve been considered a “flirt” (thanks Dee and Ashley), so I gotta make some changes in that aspect. Obviously when you hear it from more than one person the shit must be true. But then again, Millions of people know R.Kelly is guilty, but he’s out here spray painting his hair gold, and walking around with some “good good lemonade.” Fag.

Winter 08 is coming sooner than later, which only means one thing. I get to shop for the summer. I already have my pea coat (last piece of the puzzle I needed). I know I gotta get myself a new pair of jet black jeans. That’s one thing I KNOW I’m missing. Also, I have to rack up on my “pattern pants”. The Valentino’s I saw were like $595, but it was a solid black and white plaid, so I won’t be getting. H&M got some for $60, so I might get with that.

Friend of mine this morning is mad as shit, asking for my advice (female). Basically she’s smart at the mouth, and she said something to her boyfriend along of the lines of “Well see, you keep fucking around, and I’mma be up under someone else”

WOW.

As a result, she had to pick herself up off the floor. I told her that’s exactly what she gets. You don’t go ahead and talk shit to no man like that. No your fucking place. I’m being devils advocate, I KNOW he was wrong for hitting her. But she has a habit of talking reckless, and she hits him as well. I personally don’t hit women after seeing my share of abusive relationships. But yeah... ATTENTION FELLAS: If you have a good female, treat her right. YET… If you have that bitch that don’t know when to shut her trapper... Jab her. ONE good time. It doesn’t even have to be hard. Just enough to let her know the severity of the next one. If you cant see yourself punching her. Push her out of a moving car or something. Sure, she might do some dumb shit like get her father, or brothers. But fuck that. Hit them too. If you are a good man, and you know it, clap your hands. Meanwhile, some women, regardless if the guy is good or bad… they have a hood rat complex (like my friend), where shes all finger snaps, and eye rolls. Calling you out your name, “fuck your mother, and fuck you” type bitches. THEM… Hit they ass. She should’ve been raised with more respect that that. It starts in the household, so since she wants to act like billy bad ass… hit her father while you’re at it.

So to the females that are like “Oh nah, you better not hit me”… Why not? You want to be petty, why cant he? That’s the main key factor in relationships. ONE person gets out of pocket and changes their character, showing their true colors. So when you get that bitch that wants to run her mouth, gossip, and whatnot… approach her about it. But once she starts doing that burning clothes, cheating and sneaking around... shake that bitch. Slap her with a swift closed fist. Now, ALL women aren’t like this... But ALL of you ladies have that ONE friend that needs that kick in the ass. If I were President... them birch canues could get slapped, and the man wouldn’t be locked up.

Now… you NIGGERS. Dudes. Wholetime if you got a good female... Stop going for these MIXED breed ass bitches. That’s like Jay-Z cheating on Beyonce with Fantasia. Shit just won’t happen. But niggas do this shit. I been there, done that. So dudes, when you get caught cheating… Expect the same courtesy. Ladies... jab that nigga. When he’s wrong, show him. Stop the boo-who tears, calling your girlfriends. Because 9 times out of 10… your girlfriends would fuck your man before he went to cheat with a random. Just like I know there’s some dudes that wouldn’t mind fucking their friends girl. Cause shit… If I was Reggie Bush’s brother... I’d get Reggie Bush drunk off his ass until he pass out, and then I’d go and insert myself in Kim Kardashian. Now THAT’S a bad bitch. Because wholetime, girl that I was talking to in Middle School got G’ed by my boys. And I was on the couch. I wasn’t tripping. I was stunned, but once I saw she couldn’t fuck worth a damn, I gave up hope. Scenario:

I was out on the couch over at Corey house, I wanna say Musonda was there with me (don’t remember). But I fell asleep watching The Box (was still out at the time), and that 112 song with Biggie had JUST came out. So they kept playing it. I dozed off and was on the couch while everybody else was playing N64 (Nintendo 64 for the slowpokes). I think Goldeneye was hot around this time. Therasak and Robbie know about it). So I wake up… I hear moaning. (Felt like T-Pain in the “My Girl got a girlfriend” song). So I go in the room... I see youngin sucking a dick while getting dogged from the back. She tried to jump up like “oh Greg, I aint even know you were woke”... Bitch is you on your meds?

So I gently said “get back to work, I’mma bout to roll”. Wholetime… fist balled up as shit. Feelings were hurt until I walked outside and she come to the door like “I know you aint mad! We aint dating.” Bitch. I wanna high five them for all running a train on your ass. “Get up; get out, aint thinking about you (neyo voice). So funny shit was I seen her a year ago… two kids, acne face, talking about “Hey! It’s been so long”. “Remember me from school? Hell no you get no love looking ass bitch”.
Anyway... that’s enough for the day… tomorrow... I’ll have more to say.

Adieu.


Off topic: This Bobby Valentino- Turn The Page song cranks something FIERCE

Greg, How was your weekend? Man.....

Well damn. Monday... yet again. Alright.. Lets get right into it. This weekend... A weekend of.. adventure to say the least. I think I possibly seen it all. I'll jump in and out of topics quick, so catch up. No mustard. Friday night. Got off work anxious as shit to catch a drink. Was like "fuck yes, im bound to get down!" So around like 530... I have my plans set. Ria' and Shawn said they were down to go out.. so thats two. Then I called Ho (Jose)...thats three. Me makes it even. Then VHS (inside name) shows as well. Five in the bag. Amy last, tell me shes coming. So we all are there partying. Actually a good thing. I guess its true that you can actually go head and have fun at white spots. (shows that even your white friends can make an evening out of anything, you hear me? So I get to party a little bit for the night, hit the soulja boy.. (killed it, as usual.. ask about me). Then I actually got my butt grabbed by some random ass white chick. She turned to me grinning.. I was like "umm, baby girl.. watch it". Im already irritated because someone got off work late *cough* and couldnt find the location of the spot we were in... *ahemmmm..*

When she did get there, my tab was already piling because I bought Morgan and Jose joints along with my own. (who says black people cant keep an open tab, right?). Had fun for the evening, so we left, and I rode with "loverfriend" (people apart of the situation know what it was) back to my house, and had VHS and Jose stay over as well since everybody was basically zooted for the evening.Get all the way to the house... this nigger forgets his credit card at the bar. Kind of funny because my night was blown like shit as a result of some bitchassness going on. I'll put it like this... Dont force your sex on people under the influence, understood? Fuego. Now... Everything was great, perfect. I'm laying there, relaxing, had great company in my presense, movies on, buzz is circulating in my brain.. So I look over to loverfriend, she look back, soon as something remotely close to sexytime happens.. whiplash. Jose done fucked up. I look over, VHS is whispering "GREG! Save me!". So i do, I tell Captain Loverboy to but the breaks on his drive for coochie for the evening. Especially since Its 4am, and I'm drinking my green tea, trying to relax.

But NO. He is persistent. as SHIT. Seemed like everytime I closed my eyes, I hear these two (or one, since he had the habit of doing majority of the freak shit) going smack at it. So i get a good THREE... 3.... TRES minutes of sleep in... before I hear.."SPLAT" (Him slapping VHS' ass). So im blown as SHIT because loverfriend was sitting there, enjoying all the fucking sleep, yeat I cant even get a snore in, because this motherfucker is trying to get some cutty on my basement floor, from one of MY friends that I introduced him to off jump street. Now... I wont knock him for trying, but wholetime, he was aggressive about the situation. I'm like "nigga.. come on man, cut it or be quiet". (This is also my SECOND warning to him). I cant tell you how many times SHE said no to him, because I dont have enough body limps to count them on myself for a tally. But basically he got mad a couple times because she wasnt trying to give him the ass. So hes going off some "well i'mma just go head and leave, I gotta work in the morning" shit. Nigger... come on man. Lay your clammy ass up. So he lay his ass next to her, I put on "Paper Soldiers", and lay the fuck on down.

So I finally muster up the ability to lay down and get some sleep. Its 5:20 last time I check. So I got a good two hours in...Then... the bullshit starts again. 7:15 on the DOT.... motherfucking phone alarm goes off. So me being the one to wake up angry.. I'm like.. "Arrrrrrrgh, who the fuck young!".. I'm going around looking for clock radios and shit to stomp on, didnt see any. I'm looking at me and loverfriend phones, they aint glowing. VHS joint is dead, so I knew it wasnt hers... So it HAD to be Ho-say joint. But i cant find his joint to turn it off. So i'm dropkicking & elbowing this nigga like "bitch nigga turn that shit off! Fuck is your malfunction?" So hes wake up, turn it off. Great. I return back to the bed and shit, close my eyes. A good 15 minutes later... the motherfucker goes off again! >>TURN THE MOTHERFUCKING SNOOZE OFF!<< Damn you dumb ass. So im falling in and out of sleep. Loverfriend had to get up go to work and shi.t (loverfriend is just a friend, we aint fucking) So I took her to the door, walk downstairs, and Ho-Say got VHS bundled up.. yet AGAIN. I go lay back down.. he's getting ready to go to work. Walk HIM to the door, dap him up and shit. He get in the car, pull off. I go take a piss since I know I cant sleep nomore now... I go downstairs... VHS woke now... Like "Greg! My purse and my shoes are in his CARRRRRRRRRR" (yes.. she was THAT zooted to leave her shoes and purse in the car.

So whole day im chilling with her until ho-say comes to bring her her stuff back, so she can be get dressed to be dropped back off. After I get back to an empty house, I rest for a good like two hours before I get a call like "Ay greg... tonight.. we getting FUCKED UP" from Jason. Umm.. nah, no we arent. Greg's tab last night was 47.00 and I only had two drinks. What that tell you? Basically I was looking to just chill for the night. So I get on facebook (typical shit).. and start looking at my 160+ online friends (its always above like 70 friends online somehow..)I dont think people get off the computer for facebook. Shit.. I at least have facebook on my blackberry for "on the go" shit. So i'm looking at statuses like "Im the baddest bitch, and me and my clique are the shit. LOVE tonight ladies!" I hate statuses like this. Its 3pm Eastern time. tell us at 930 when we care.

Basically I tell Ria off the strength of the BB Messenger that we need to hang out, so we do. Most fun I had in a while. Walked about in the city, just caught up and whatnot.. UNTIL... we drove past Gallery Place. I swear... Skinny leg jeans, and hoodrats galor. YOUNG hoodrats at that. Bad combination. So we at the light.. all of a sudden you see a good, what.... 300, 400 niggers.. yes... NIGGERS... RUNNING. Thought it was the LA Riots or something. Supposidly someone was fighting (probably them stunting ass kids), and obviously DC Police took the opportunity to beat on anybody running. (guess theres not enough crime int he city.. Copy that... 10:4) Now...I've seen a couple fights pop off down there... but last night... mannnn.. Swear look like a dread marathon in the city, no bullshit. We didnt stay down there so we drove around the city or what not, went to DNbusters... where she whipped up on me in Basketball. (fo course the game I was on was broken, but I'll take an L for the sake of letting her win). Then I get a text from Jackie saying they were hitting up the bar we had just left from, and were going back to after Dave N Busters. And me and Ria had a nice interesting conversation while they played pool. lol. Lot of inside things going on so I couldnt speak on it.

Sunday... pretty much nothing. My Cards lost to the Redskins. Congratulations, I cant really hate on them for winning. Nice way to use the clock to their advantage. If only they could do that all season, they'd win Super Bowls.... Guess they better prepare for Dallas and Philly...

Anyway.. I would have more to say.... But that sounds just about right for me for the day. Enjoy.

Young...I just had the laugh of my LIFE just a minute ago... This some random clip I just watched.. Its NOT safe for work.. so dont click it if you think you'll get in trouble.(TURN your volume DOWN!)

NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!
http://www.zshare.net/video/19156437c274dd50/

Can I Live?!? Weekend 9.12th-9.14th Blog

Damn, how was my weekend? Joint went by so quick it was like "okay... you here, now your gone". Felt like i bullshitted it through. First off, Sunday, went to the little work function, then went out to the bar. Someone.. *cough* was supposed to go with me, but instead went elsewhere. Cant knock that. So I went solo (as I do so often). I got invited to Fur.. of course, i laughed that off. So i get to the bar, and Matt (bartender) was like 'Greg, something aint right man, your swag aint even the same". I bought the cheapest drink possible, because honestly, didnt even feel like drinking. So i had something that was created, mixed. I need to start drinking straight liquor. But i dont have hangovers. I actually wake up EARLIER after getting shitfaced. Wholetime I'm at the bar, Justin is texting me about going to Georgetown, yet he never followed through. And I wasnt about to go out that way. So mind you... I already got to the bar at like what, 1115... By 1227 I was back up out the door.

Had to end up coming to the house to help my sister on a TV production assignment the next day. Picture that. Greg, HELPING somebody. Wholetime, I didnt heard much out the "liar". So I talked to one of my compadres, and they informed me that homegirl (a she obviously) was going to have someone go with her whereever she was going. I wasnt tripping. I cant hate on the next man for doing what he has to do. Thats bad business for a man of my stature to catch feelings, you know? Wholetime, a girl approaches me like... "Greg, you have too many women". I need to know exactly wats TOO many. I have a lot of people I speak to on the regular. Then I have a few people I may flirt with. Then.. I have zero that actually take the shit seriously. I charge it to the game, and accept the fact that it's still warm outside. But trust and believe, when the chill hits them... It'll pick up. I wouldnt mind going and devoting time to a worthwhile female. But aint nobody stepped up yet.

Okay... I guess its time for the jokes and the humor. Some of y'all might find this to be humor, I find it serious. I get a note in the mail from Kaiser saying "All your STD results came back negative." Man.. can you imagine the excitement on Greg's (yes, third person) face!?! Man I was so gitty it aint make no sense. I might just walk around with that shit taped to my chest. Now I know for a fact I dont act liek brett Favre, launching dick at recievers, wholetime, anything can happen. And i'm one of the most paranoid motherfuckers you'll meet in your life when it comes to shit that can alter your life. I knew a girl personally that was walking around with some shit that a dude gave her. I told her up front... Sweetheart, I cant chance it. I neglected even hugging her. Her cheeks may bleed, and rub on my skin,a nd an ingrowing hair can catch some of that shit. Anything. Fuck that.

Then... Im sitting here, having casual sex conversation (double negative, but fuck it) to a female about the most BASIC shit... and she lies. Are fibs the new truth? I know... I know "Greg, you've told lies before".. I have, and I'm tryingto be brutally honest.. But I have NO reason to lie about my body count, wholetime. Now I know for a fact a woman could be the ugliest bitch on the western hemisphere, and as long as her clit is functioning... shes getting some dick. And niggas cant fake, they've all had sex with a female that wasnt a model. You cant always get a winner. Matter of fact, girl in my high school years wasnt all that potent either. She was plump sized. Fuck that.. she was round. Nothing against big girls, because I love me thickums. She just did some dumb dumb dee dumb shit. Basically it was my last day at Summer School, and her and I fucked. I never nutted, and her mom was coming home soon, so I told her either flush the condom, or throw it out her bedroom window. Now... dont get me fucked up.. She lived in the hood... so a condom laying in an alley aint that farfatched. But back to the story... you think this girl did as instructed... NO.

So a couple weeks later we break up (was a summer thing I guess), and she catches feelings. She tells her mother that i took her virginity, and that she might be pregnant. (funny now, but definetly NOT then...) Im sitting there telling my family.. I DIDNT NUT INSIDE OF HER. SHE DIDNT MAKE ME NUT. Mind you, I wasnt even supposed to be at her house. but that day at Summer School, we just picked up our report cards and rolled out. Since her and I were serious at the time, she invited me over, we hunched and whatnot. Well see.. my pops didnt think I went to school that day.. So out of anger, I grab my backpack.. and guess what come flying out the side pocket...Yeah..

A safeway bag with the condom in it. Now I should be mad at the fact that I didnt check the backpack.. but wholetime im like "What type retard puts a fuck instrument in a plastic bag". That shit STUNK to all hell.

GOT to be more careful. They found out she was lying, and I got off. Thank God.

The moral of this story is.... Giving brain dont make you smart..

But I dont really have much else to say, as you can see.. thats my weekend, and my thoughts of it. So you have an idea of my thoughts and whatnot.Y'all have fun. Hopefully I'll have something to say tomorrow at work.

The hell? Monday Already? Fuck! Bitch. 09.08.

First off...let me start by saying...damn. My close friend Darsey is like leaving for Boot Camp next Monday. The shit is wigging me out because we been on bad terms the past month or so as a result of me NOT liking the decision of her going into the service. I told her it was a bad idea and that she had more going for herself than that, and she does. Like seriously, I don't like seeing ANY of my friends in the military. It’s me being selfish but fuck it. I didn't even make her farewell party because of my own grieving over it. Honestly...how can I see my friend off to some shit like that? As much as we complain and bicker about the war... I'll be damned if I have a clsoe friend of mine be in the mix. I promised to write her and try to keep contact, but it really aint hit me until this morning that I only have a week to even spend with her. And I'm sure most of that's going to be with her family. I'm just stuck off that, I need to change subjects before I get sensitive about it. I'm already hurting for her hating me.


I'm at work, another boring Monday, trying to maintain. Broke (of course) until payday. And even then...money gotta get shelled out. Cell phone bill, credit card bill. Starting to think I pay to be
broke. I gotta find a hustle, like trimming fat women legs or something. Because one job aint cutting it. I'm seeing everybody with apartments at 22, 23, living the lavish life. Is that shit for me?
I highly doubt it, but I gotta get off the tit and stand on my own two. Which I have been doing.

So I'm having a discussion with a girl off here about this she likes. And I get the most redundant statement I've ever heard in my life. 'My man gotta drive a charger, I won't settle for less'. Does she not know that 9 out of 10 chargers on the streets are NOT custom? Stock rims, dashboards, cloth seats and shit? Like bitch elevate your game. Is the Charger like the 2008 caddy or something? Just any car could suffice. Fuck you tripping off what a dude drive if you just a passenger? Exactly. Come on now.

Oh...figured I'd speak on this. Something Dee brought to my attention in the post from yesterday (the joint that got 280 comments..but I aint bragging...). But she basically labeled me as a flirt. Is there something with me flirting though? I never saw it as a problem. I'm not selling wolf tickets. Like right now I have a female that is made at me because she thinks Dana stepped on her toes. Knowing damn well that aint situation. So I called miss lady not one, but twice the whole weekend, no reply. Then spontaneously, she in a relationship. Lol. I'm telling you, facebook is a fake niggers paradise I swear. I just want to know if it’s that serious. Even people who are in legit relationships, I don't knock them. I think I have that much respect. I mean damn. I'm about to go back to being evil as shit like I used to be. Since I used to get them Omarion comparisons, I'm bout to have an icebox where my...you know the rest.

Alrighty...breaking news. What's up with this epidemic of dudes telling women 'it aint tricking if you got it'... Nigga... Yes it is. Whoever gave you that impression...stop buying that nigga cds. Point blank. How you listen to that nigga T.I. That man dating Tiny from Xscape. Now who's been tricked? Exactly. My partner talking about 'Greg, you know where there's a Ruth Chris in the city? So of course me... I don't, but I ask him why. He tells me 'I'm taking youngin to a bite to eat'. Who's youngin, your main squeeze or something?

Nah. Jasmin'. (Me confused at this point)... Fuck is that? "Oh...that's this girl I met Friday". What? Hahaha. Man fuck that. Everybody pause and laugh with me.

----regain composure...bring it down...sigh, woosah--- alright. Back at it.

You don't take a girl on the first date to no damn Ruth Chris man. You met her 72 hours ago. Take her ass to a library, see if she can read before you give her a menu with words like 'filet mignon'. Ruth Chris like what, 65, 70 a plate? So his excuse... 'It aint tricking if you got it'. So son... If it aint tricking....who you think you tricking? Nigga I invited you out Saturday night, and you talking about 'man, I'm broke as shit, all I got is 80 until Friday'. Now I'm no mathematician, but...

65 dollars a plate
80 dollars in pocket
2 people sharing forks.

So now he mad at me because I told him give her something to strive for. Start at applebees and work up. If you give them everything from the jump, what she have to strive for in the future dude? Exactly.

Damn...it’s like Monday. My weekends aint shit. And I did nothing productive for it. And I want three hours of my life back from watching that fucking MTV awards. Fuck that Britney Spears bitch. They are trying to revive her career in any way possible. Shows you what hanging with Paris Hilton and exposing your lob sided pussy could get you. I guess she's going to have a T-Pain song on her next album. Long as she doesn’t try using the voice synthesizer. Speaking of voice synthesizers...Lil Wayne. Parrotman. Predator...that nigga. You can't tell me that nigga aint look like Buckwheat with that small ass vest.


I know I been labeled as a hater by a couple Lil Wayne jock straddlers, but fuck that. I won't discredit this man for making hitting ass music. But Monroes, kissing men, skinny jeans? What part of the game is that? If so, I'm putting my controller down now. Watch...by Christmas...niggas going to have lip piercings. Thinking their swag meter going to get higher by imitating a man that admits to kissing grown ass men that aint give birth to him.

But Kanyes...come on man...that new song...stop. It already looked like the show was hosted in a lunch cafeteria.... Why your set slum so bad? Rihanna....bad bitch, but I'm already getting sick of her. Don't get me wrong....I'd fuck her with a fishnet condom, no problem.... But
yeah, she oversaturated. I guess that's why Beyonce been laying in the cut. I heard B went and got a haircut. I frankly don't care, but she need to tell that nigga Jay-z to act his age. You forty nigger. He should’ve hung it up after Black Album.

And who's that 'I kissed a bitch' bitch? Is she the new Madonna or something? I decided to take a listen to the song....and I'm hurt. I need four minutes of my life back. I rather watch R.Kelly fuck another under aged female than that shit. But I do admit...this year missed Chris Brown though. Then again he gotta take a break too.


Now before I end this joint so y'all can read and comment on it. Im just curious. Figured I'd ask about it. I've been told "not on women give head". Why not? Something y'all dont like about it or something? I dont want to hear that "oh he has to be special in order to get that treatment".. Say he is special. Hes your man. Please him. Go down there and go to town..

Question is though... Why arent y'all doing it?