When Keeping it REAL goes WRONG: Underage Fems & Alcohol= Doom

Friday, May 15, 2009

First off, I ain't even gon pumpfake like shawty was'nt jie bad. So if she reads this... yeah...you was jie bad for an under 21 jaint, but the liquor had you fucked up. Maybe you'd been better without the shit, but that jie turned me off. I'll run it down.

Went to Ultrabar last night. Jaint was packed. Like..packed. You KNOW the DJ rockin when white women crowd up around partying.

Teddy, you are gorgeous. I love me a light skinned woman, and you got it. Swear if you were a manequin, I'd undress you, put you in a window, and walk past you just to eye fuck you.

Paris & Alicia.. GOTS to be more careful. EASILY the nicest two women I've ever met. Alicia, aww yous so PURRRRDY!

Marcus.. drink nigga, you loafed. Got you on the next round.

[Speaking of white women..i booked one. So if your number ends *449...yeah, that was me. I'll have the Facebook photos up once my boy gets them off his camera] Oww.

Moving right along. EVERYBODY knows how I party. I will walk up on a fat woman, grab her, and get to work on her. But last night was jie different. [Paris, tell em]. I walked up on yet ANOTHER white joint, grabbed her waist.. and got to grinding. Then her friend wanted to join in. AYE.

White women, I love y'all ever so much for being so freaky and random. Big or small y'all could get it. Maybe.. let me think bout that.

But moving right along.. there was a BAD joint that I was dancing with. Don't know the name, dont know her age, but she had an X on her hand. And as my mans told me "easiest bait is the ones with the X's...". Cool. Went smack. Started dancing. Thats until she had one too many drinks.. [Pause for hell freezing over]

So.. Jaren tell me turn around, and SURELY enough, same girl is HOLSTERED in the air, getting freaked like a reggae groupie. So me, being the infamous person that I AM, I commist to pulling out the phone to snap one. But the fucking phone kept freezing [bitch]. So I'm slapping my phone trying to make it work, but blackberries have they own brains and shit, so I put the joint in my hand and kept rockin to the beat. HOWEVER... there was a white nigga going and pulling girls dresses up and snapping shots. He so happened to be standing next to me when he pulled up her jaints to expose her black booty shorts. She gets mad and goes HAM on me. Like real HAM. Grabs my phone, walks to the trash can and toss the joint in there.


You know you done fucked up right? So granted I was told to swing on her, but thats a woman, and I respect y'all. But THAT shit... nah. No passes. There was TWO feds standing right across the room... so I had three decisions.

  • Chris Breezy

  • Let it slide

It was one of them "Nigger Moments" from Boondocks. Like when Old Man Stinkminer stepped on dude shoes. I wouldve been WRONG to hit a female. I've done it before, but karmas a bitch, and I don't need Karma fucking up me getting pussy this summer. So I let shit ride. HOWEVER, Ashley did'nt. She wanted to go SMACK at shawty for bumping her. I couldnt let Ashley have that either. So I pretty much just saved myself and Ashley a court charge.

Otherwise, I walk up on her trying to get an aswer to the bitchassness. She points to the white dude and was like "wasn't it him taking the photos?".. At this point.. ME, Adrian, Darren, and E are looking at MY skin to see if I have Villiligo. Which I dont. So she mustve been fucked up. I will give her a pass.

So... Dear Under 21... Please, the next time you are drunk, know these things.

  • I am GOING to attempt to fuck you. Not because I need the pussy, but I figure beating your pussy up isn't a domestic abuse charge. I'll take that option, yes.

  • I will NOT dance with you all the way to the floor. Woke up to look at my Black shirt, not ONLY was the shirt NEW BALANCE GREY, but the joint smelt like elementary school erasers, and misfit hoodrat fumes. Basically saying WHOMEVER I danced with that night pussy smelt like a raccoon took a nap in her pubes, hibernated, had newborns, and left the nest. Dig? Dug.

When keeping it real goes wrong, this is all I have.

I'm going back home on lunch break to handle that *ahem* sexual matter I woke up with. Fuck a Chipotle. Have a good weekend.