Girl I don't care about how good you look. Impress me, show me a pay stub

I can't express or show more compassion about my utter disgust in some of the beautiful women in my city.

I vowed not to blog for a while, but this here deserves to have a word or two. Follow me slow, because theres a LOT of rants, raves, and jumped topics.

Q: "Why you look uninterested when you be looking at females?"

A: The fuck I need to goose over them? I have that in my cup.

Males, I'm talking to you because we fall victim more. Watch these females moves at the club. Went to K Street last night, and a girl walked up on me like "Oh, you're Greg, the funny guy that be buying us drinks".... Shawty.. know this. ONLY women I've ever buyed drinks for are women I've known from OUTside of the club, or I've fucked PRIOR. You broke club bitches can't just take a rum and coke and run. Oh nah, you want the Goose, the Patron, the Henny. Bout to start callin y'all the "Gimme Henny Loosey Gooseys".

I take pride in knowing some of the city's most beautiful women. HOWEVER, some of these women...not to bash you, but you bitches need jobs. I've been unemployed before. Cool, wonderful. HOWEVER, theres temp agencies, Dollar Generals, even McDonalds hiring. For the LIFE of me explain how you manage to make it to the club FOUR out of seven nights, be drunk 3 out of those 4, yet living off a non-existent salary? Them unemployment checks only last 8 months. You better save and find your ass a car so you can get out to Vienna for a job fair with your broke ass.

Had a female practically EYE fuck me. I'm talking bout them "yeah..you, I'm looking, you should approach me cause I have the pussy, and you wanna hit it" looks. Won't front.. I would've fucked her, but I'm on the path of being a better man, so I've been taming my dick. So I approach her while we sitting on the couches. Conversation goes like so.

Her: So did you come alone? You not even drinking tonight?
Him: I'm quitting on Saturday. So I'll be drunk Friday. You should come out.
Her: I can do that. I should get my check Friday.
Him: Tru that. So where you work in the city?
Her: I'm currently in between jobs right now.
[at this point. I got the side eye. Peep the price tags...]

Prada Bag: EVERY bit of $3-5,000
Tiffany Bracelet and necklace $400 EASILY
Pegasus Stilettos [yeah, I'm HIP to you females fashions. Figure if I gotta fuck you, might as well know what you rock, right?]- $600
Dress: $2-300

So MAYBE she bought this outfit when she was working. This is what I thought myself. Then I thought bout it. It was $10.00 for females to get in here. Also, I've seen her BUY at least three drinks. Being a previous drinker.. I knew she had a lemonball, a Blue Motorcycle, Patron Margarita, and a Ciroc on the Rocks.

Needless to say.. That conversation aint last longer than a LITTLE bit.

So as I do from time to time, YES, I'll talk to females at the club. But before me and you even get down to exchanging contacts... I'm GOING to ask your ask FIVE.. yes...FIVE questions.

1. Is this phone pre-paid? Fuck all that shit you talkin bout your ex boyfriend turned the phone you DID have on. I've had a prepaid phone before, and ONE thing I know ain't cool is a female with no minutes. I refuse to develop carpetunel for your broke ass.


2. Job History: I aint concerned about how you like reggae. Lets talk about how many words you can type. Just in case your ass is out of a job.. I can recommend you to a few collegues of mine. What BAD can come out of that conversation?


3. Location: You'd be surprised how many woman live out in like NOVA, Richmond and beyond... yet are in the city NIGHTLY to party. Times is too hard trying to party like a rockstar with only $3.90 worth of gas.


4. Budget: Say I DO like you... I plan on going out. Sometime I'll pay, sometimes, your going to. Thats how I'm rocking. Ain't looking for a wife NO time soon, so don't promote that you don't want a man, but insist on going on dates. Your ass WILL have lint in your pockets fucking with me.


5. Aspirations: Soon as you tell me you're moving to Atlanta because you tired of DC.. I know you lying. Period. Just be straight up and say you want to party until you're 30. Cause aint NOTHING in Georgia for you. Not a job, not a career. And King stopped production of magazines.. you AINT going to get acknowledged.

With these rules, females.. realize niggas like me AINT playing in 2009 and beyond. Buzz Lightyear syndrome like shit. Waste my time, ass have a Chinese name...

Won Gon.