Sleeping With The Enemy. She Was A Friend to Me..

Monday, November 30, 2009 3 comments
I know I know. I aint blogged in a while. Been living. Heres something for you to read, indulge in it.

You should let me lay you down in the bathtub that I just ran for you.
Warm water with massage salt and vanilla sugar aroma to make your body
smell good. Then I can wash your body starting with your feet. Me
kissing your feet, sucking on each toe. Then after that, I kiss between
your thighs, blow air slowly into your the back of your kneecaps.

Then I want to bite you gently on the asscheeks while I lick around your
lower back and kissing it as well. Rubbing your pussy from the front,
your cremin on my fingers, I can feel the thickness of your juices on my
fingers. I pick you up out of the bathtub like a newborn baby. Wrap you
in a warm towel, and carry you in my arms to the bedroom.

Still wet and dripping from the bathtub, I rip the bedsheets off the bed
and lay you down on them. Kissing your body up and down while you lay on
the satin shets covered with white and pink roses that I layed out. With
some Slow music playing on the playlist in the background...I lay you
flat on your stomach.

Pull out the warm sensation body oils and begin to rub down your
neck....then I progress to your upper back. I climb on top of you from
the back...and start kissing on your neck. You feel my dick pulsating
through my "I love you" boxers that I wore specially for this evening.
My dick gradually sliding up and around your ass, your fiending for me
to just take you. So I pull them down, and slide it in your pussy while
you lie on your stomach.

Then I slide it halfway in. You instantly creme for it. Slowly moaning,
I ask you if you enjoy the pre show that I am giving you. You say
yes...but this is the beginning of a very long night.

I push deeper inside of you. My dick greets your belly button is. That's
how far I'm inside of you. Sucking on your ears and kissing behind them
as I work my dick in 180 degree circles, full and right or your pusy walls.

You like that? Trust me...there's more.

Gone Til November?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009 3 comments

So, I’ve been making the attempt for a while now to write a blog. But honestly, I couldn’t mainly because of the lack of interest, and the lack of stories. I still have none, at least none that I would want to share. There was a girl… actually there were a few. And they all dwindled by the week. Seems like lucks only in my favor when I need to get one off. Which is cool. You’d say, “well damn Greg, you’re only 22, why not live life and have fun?” I’ve been doing that, but I feel I could do a better job. Majority of the natured shit I’ve done is to ease a females drawls off quicker. There was the bougie chick, the broke one, and the “I-just-got-out-of-a-relationship of X-amount of years” one. The last one holding the longest.

Basically my issue with her is we had a lot going, hell, we probably still do. She’slocal, we hang, spend time, blah blah, but yet, are not a couple. I can get with that. She’s no longer engaged to the ex-fiance, which is a plus, however, it seems like a two steps back after one forward thing is always the case in this scenario. We both admit feelings, then she retracts to the previous cat. I can’t fade it. So what I’ve learned to do is keep her at bay until I feel its right and necessary to see her. Probably the same way with her. #KanyeShrug [Yes, I used a Twitter hash, forgive me, It’s consumed my life]

Another note, I havent been partying recently, which has saved me a lot of money. However I’ve demoted myself to bars, which is practically the same thing, minus the half naked women, there are half naked bartenders. Oh, and the oh so typical drunk dude who sits by himself scoping on the couples, or man/woman on an outting. I refuse to be one of those, so, I’ve come up with the method of being drunk by 9PM. Basically its completely legit for me to go and get shit-faced drunk by myself during happy hour. But at 9:05, I should be leaving the vicinity. It’s a method. Trust me, I’ve studied.

I’m kind of stuck when it comes to words..first time in my life, but I just wanted y’all to know I’m still alive, I have things to say, but I just choose not to say them because I’m not in the position to, and I’m sure everyone will have an opinion. My sex life is fine for now as well. Could be a whole lot more raunchy. And it shall. When?.. Let’s aim for December.

Toodaloo motherfuckers.

Set off A Spark. Old blog from on my phone.

Thursday, September 17, 2009 1 comments

Update 9/17: This joint was originally dont back in July, but I never posted it. So for my lack of words off other situations and shit, this is what I'm giving you. Some thoughts have changed, but I didn't change the blog. Fuck it.

If you can see this, then that probably means your on the "guestlist" to read the blog. Basically I went private for a host of reasons. None of them really hold any weight, but I've come to terms with the fact that I'm getting older, and in order to protect the hearts of many, I have to tone down things I say in order to maintain my character.

My blog was never MADE to go and get attention, but more so to get out my thoughts. I tested it out a year ago, and sure, you get a few laughs, shits and giggles here and there, but the topics and discussions that did have substance were overlooked...often. Hence, we are private. I figured I'd go out of my way and ATTEMPT to blog at least once a week. But in May and June, well.. I've slacked. Just watching peoples moves and interactions with me. Trust me, I have a LOT to say but wont. Maybe I will.

  • The interim girlfriend and I broke up. She put it to me like this. "I care too much about myself to consider someone elses feelings. I dont want kids, marriage, or no drama." Basically she likes to party and bullshit. I can't knock her. At 25, what can you do? I on the other hand, can't see me waiting until 30 to "slow up". But to each his own cool.

  • Had a stalker. Left a four minute voicemail on my phone. I would post the audio but it has her address, name and all that in it. But there are some people who have heard it. Wasnt very pleasant. Basically she left for school in August in Georgia. NEVER called, text, courier, nada. Then came back in May acting like I was supposed to be stuck on her. Nah.

Fathers day. Basically, dude aint been right the past 22 years. He's always been on some on again, off again bullshit. Like prime example. His other family, dude goes, visits, chills, all that. Think dude came past here ONCE on Fathers Day? Nope. As a result dude got NO conversation from me. Now, maybe when I'm older, and he's old and grey, I'll write a blog like "oh Dad, I wish you'd forgive me"... But quite frankly, dude never cared anyway. Sure, he shells out a couple dollars. But he still holds the fact he payed $250.00 for summer school over my head. And that was the 11th grade.

I digress. I hate talking about family issues. He'll need me before I do.

Facebook/Twitter: I jie like been hesitant to really go and converse with people like I normally do. I've slacked on updates and statuses, and I've attempted to distance myself from a few folks. Mainly... they aint shit. I have women friends on both that have been drilled in the head that flirting must go all the way. it doesnt. So I had to put a buzz in one girls ear.

"Dear you, please be informed that even though you're cute, and your profile photo is sexy, you have no personality outside of this Facebook world. Sure, I've flirted with you, and yes, even went at you for sex. But trust me, 9 times out of 10, you were one of three females I did that to this week. Regards, Management."

Food for thought. Take a bite. Happy 4th. I'll be back.

Oyster grits and extra steak. Your wonderful

Monday, September 14, 2009 0 comments

So, I finally went on my first date. Let me explain. I'm twenty two. Most of the women I entertain my life with are worthless. Which makes the evening even more fitting that my first vibe being with a blogger. Let's give backdrop.

First I wasn't expecting her to answer. I was going through my phone.. Basically going through my phone...texting seeing what females were doing for the night. I had a date set with this one broad..but she aint worth the spitting in a drizzle. Fuck her. So I texted a few and decided I would go on about seeing other folks. Nola was that. We will call her that cause yeah...that's her. We hadn't really spoken in a while but seemed to not miss a beat. I appreciate her.

We set up plans to meet and hang out around six. To see a Tyler Perry movie. And I don't fuck with dude so this was a stretch. So it ended up a bonus because the movie was decent. Taraji P. Henson is my bread and butter. I want to meet her and make our privates touch.

Digress. We get to Gallery Place and the conversation of exes come up. Granted I don't do the ex. I don't talk about the ex. She's where she's at and I be where I'm at. So I told Nola both sides of the situation. Whatever. My thing is I don't get brownie points for telling facts. I didn't get to go into details about that time I fucked Karriane in 2006. But ill blog about that later.

We get into the spot. We eat. We talked and came to the agreement that we don't do people with kids. I love her for the statement. Its wild because ill gladly fuck someone who has kids. Committing is something I can't. Reason I say this is mainly because I have a problem with committing to the woman but not the child. I feel like when I can be all and do all for the child...I'm just "mommys man". And even though I don't speak family shit...that's how my stepfather was prior to him marrying her. And I don't think I can wait until I wed before I can get someones child fully involved in my life. This aint for yall to understand...just how I feel.

Moving off that, Kanye's real bitchmade for Sunday night, but it's not my place to talk ashit about dude. The media will slander his name, and I will watch. He'll be downplayed like they did Ol Dirty in 97'. Lets not forget that interview on MTV.

Random Thoughts:

  • Can't wait for Florida. Ain't take a vacation all year, so I have every intention of doing so.

  • I want some sex. Just like off the strength, like one night I'll regret and forget before I go ahead and take that venture into the dating world again.

  • Will New York happen twice? Helix..?

  • "That six thats, me. That chick, thats me. That boat, I had it on the Medeterrian sea, my nigga please."

  • How come I meet three, four beautiful, intellectuals all at the same time? Shit is wild. Makes selection fucked up.

  • Saturday joint [that aint happen] Why would you hit me up acting like I forgot. It's true, white women be forgetting shit. I don't though. Bitches and sisters I swear.

  • Friend who got kicked out of Park on her birthday: Yeah, you lame. You aint call to say thanks or nothing for us picking your drunk ass up. Should've left your ass stranded. Lose yourself. No bullshit.

I would've went on about my date, but yeah, you get the whole aspect of where it went. She's cool foks. We'll hang again. Due time. I'll holla.

Jay-Z at Madison Square Garden Sept 11, 2009

Saturday, September 12, 2009 0 comments


DMV is too small. I've talked to two friends before. Shit be happening.

Friday, September 11, 2009 0 comments
I'm going to let Greg write this blog. My alter-ego can't handle this type blog without it going into a tangent. So lets rock.

I've talked to a host fo females in my day. Me living in DC, I'm sure most of them know each other in reference to the third. They may not be best friends, but they've clubbed together, their friends with a friend of a friend, or shit, they may have actually been close. I'm not guilty for knowing. I don't go out of my way and say "you know I'm going to fuck with her, and her friend just to make an option for myself". I'm not that hardbody. As a result, I lost a female friend, and a girl I was going to get serious with, temporarily until we talked the situation out about this.

Apparently I was talking to her and her friend, whom I didnt know were friends. So she felt slighted because I was telling her the same things I was telling ol girl. This is how I function when I meet a person:

  • I dont tell them anything different. I don't instigate family into conversation for the first six weeks. Period. Some shit you need not know of.

  • I don't lie. You will know everything I tell the last girl, because 9 times out of 10, I'm fucking with you because you remind me of the characteristics I like...and...honestly, that last girl had that. It's how shit works.

  • My friend says I have "Pussy Madness". When I talk to women, I talk to them in threes. I have: The frequent, the freak, and the wanderer.

The frequent is the girl I want to be in the position as my girl, but she's just like me. She wants to play the odds in order to find Mr. Right. So I find myself competing with other niggas for her attention. I like the chase, until another man is in first place, and I'm in a position other than that. That's when the freak comes in. The freak is the girl that I talk to when the other broads bore me. We text freak shit to stimulate my interest and occupy my time. It happens. I'm to blame.. This is the Alter ego guy.. Sue me. Then you have the wanderer. She's the one who's the friend, that SHOULD be the lover. I have plenty of them.

Basically I WANT her, should HAVE her, but she's determined to keep me in the friend bracket because of what she sees me doing with the frequent and the freak. She is usually the one who I can go and talk to about everything, and she is cool with it THEN, but when I pour my heart about her being the one... She's quick to:

"I know how you do these females"

I hate that shit. With a passion. If 2009 had a motto, mine would be "I don't know exactly what to make out of you". Mainly due to the fact....women don't know me. They never will. On Twitter last night I put it out there I have an Alter Ego. Greg..and Al. Al is the raunchy dude that women want around after 8pm. The freak joint that keeps them laughing, entertained. All women want that "rush" that they can run to. My issue is I don't show "Greg" enough. Greg is the one they would date if Al wasnt around so much. And no I dont have Advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage, I'm just a very gente person. Me..and him.

SoI know she's reading this, so I apologize for fucking with you and her.. I was just playing the cards dealt to me. I promise you I'm a good dude and you won't meet two of me in your life. It should've worked, and I could've treated the situation with better tactics, but end of the day, I'm a man, I make excuses without a strategic thought process, but I mean well. That's one thing she can say I've never told her. Tell her that. Plus, you were the better party. You and I both know why.

This is Greg... And I wont finish last.

Nice guy my ass.

Least let me tell you WHY I'm this way..Hol on.

Thursday, September 10, 2009 2 comments

Came to the conclusion a lot of people going to fuck around until 30, so I'ma be one of them. Wont even go indo details, but at least it will keep my blogs rolling in right? Right.

This is probably the slowest year I've had in my blogging career. In a month I wrote one blog. SO I'm going to bang out 20 blogs in the next thirty days. But they all wont be posted. I'm aiming to have a whole lot of shit on my conscience, off of my conscience. So I'm going to do just that. My blackberry is about to get some heavy flex work in the memopad section beecause I have a host of things to say. Lets first start talking about these bitches.

Granted I'm going over a lot of bitches heads these days. I had a female tell me she couldnt fuck with me cause of what I say on Twitter. But we fucked. I just want to fuck again. Mainly because the shit is burning in my conscience. Its funny because she only comes around when no other niggas want to fuck with her, I get that Twitter update or a random text message like "How you been". I been here, been left you alone, fuck you want this month. Ever since she been single she's been needy, so I'm been giving it the benefit of the doubt of her being a nice person, but to be quiet honest, I want to fuck. She want to fuck, and aint nothing else about it.

[Water Break. Long Paragraph]....

I don't want her as a girl, just a couple nights of regrets, and a morning of excuses. You know? It's funny how down bitches are to fuck until their conscience gets to them when they realize "damn.. I really have to go through with this". It phases me none. I've fucked for the fuck of it for so long in my twenty-two years, I can honestly say I've only had "loving" sex once. And that was with my partner of three years. Everything else has been like "oh.. wonderful. A nut". Rude, but its a fact.

Moving south, I've been deleting bitches out my phone. I call them bitches once they are deleted mainly due to the fact if you get deleted out my phone, gotta be off some fuck shit. I don't even have the "Phonebook" as an icon on my phone because I rarely dial out. And I dont go through my contacts. I figure my recent 25 call log are the only people worthy of being called. And from the gist of it.. Thats:

Late Night Hike

That's pretty much what be mattering to me. Everybody else either got a pussy or just want to be entertained for a short period of time. Shit happens. I'm entertaining. I can't help but be used. My problem is I reply. So I've learned to go hard and not even answer some people after some text exchanges.

Her: Hey
Me: What's up. I'm trying to get up with you. [no need for cut cards.. get on the goodfoot]
Her: Lol
Mer: Fuck is you laughin at?
Her: lol, no, Its not, its just your always on joking status
Me: Man stop playing me for a fool.
Her: I can't do it though.

Conversation ceased there. You want to grab a nut when your pussy screams to your brain, but when I want it, I got to jump through hoops like my name Sonic. #GOTCHBITCH you done lose one. So I deleted slim out my phone. Conversations can and will go my way. I'm that rude about it. If I was rude about mine, I'd tell her to lose my number too, but I'll just wait until she text me again, or hit me up on one of these Internet joints and be like "Nah, I X'ed you.". You been demoted to keystrokes. Your communication minimal. Yep. She ain't the only one. There will be more. Most of them have boyfriends, and be texting "just to see whats up". Text that man. I have a day job.

Fuck yall

Checking Phonebook: Bam.. I see contacts I ain't hit up in 90 days. Gotta go, gotta go.

Lets hope I have more to run with until later. I feel better about myself at the expense of others. Shit happens. But I'm no longer to be fucked with.



Wednesday, September 9, 2009 0 comments
Just something for me to look back on. Pay this blog no mind. 

A little about the number 9:

Nine is a composite number, its proper divisors being 1 and 3. It is 3 times 3 and hence the third square number. It is the first composite lucky number.

Nine is the highest single-digit number in the decimal system. It is the second non-unitary square prime of the form (p2) and the first that is odd. All subsequent squares of this form are odd.

9 is an exponential factorial.

In base 10 a number is evenly divisible by nine if and only if its digital root is 9.[3] That is, if you multiply nine by any natural number, and repeatedly add the digits of the answer until it is just one digit, you will end up with nine:
2 × 9 = 18 (1 + 8 = 9)
3 × 9 = 27 (2 + 7 = 9)
9 × 9 = 81 (8 + 1 = 9)
121 × 9 = 1089 (1 + 0 + 8 + 9 = 18; 1 + 8 = 9)
234 × 9 = 2106 (2 + 1 + 0 + 6 = 9)
578329 × 9 = 5204961 (5 + 2 + 0 + 4 + 9 + 6 + 1 = 27 (2 + 7 = 9))
482729235601 × 9 = 4344563120409 (4 + 3 + 4 + 4 + 5 + 6 + 3 + 1 + 2 + 0 + 4 + 0 + 9 = 45 (4 + 5 = 9))

The sum of the digits of 41 is 5, and 41-5 = 36. The digital root of 36 is 3+6 = 9, which demonstrates that it is evenly divisible by nine.
The sum of the digits of 35967930 is 3+5+9+6+7+9+3+0 = 42, and 35967930-42 = 35967888. The digital root of 35967888 is 3+5+9+6+7+8+8+8 = 54, 5+4 = 9.

41-14 = 27. The digital root of 27 is 2+7 = 9.
36957930-35967930 = 990000, which is obviously a multiple of nine.

This works regardless of the number of digits that are transposed. For example, the largest transposition of 35967930 is 99765330 (all digits in descending order) and its smallest transposition is 03356799 (all digits in ascending order); subtracting pairs of these numbers produces:
99765330-35967930 = 63797400; 6+3+7+9+7+4+0+0 = 36, 3+6 = 9.
99765330-03356799 = 96408531; 9+6+4+0+8+5+3+1 = 36.
35967930-03356799 = 32611131; 3+2+6+1+1+1+3+1 = 18, 1+8 = 9.

Casting out nines is a quick way of testing the calculations of sums, differences, products, and quotients of integers, known as long ago as the 12th Century.[4]

The Spiritual Meaning of the #9:
Nine: The spiritual meaning of number Nine bring us to the very height of vibrational frequencies in this number sequence. Nine represents attainment, satisfaction, accomplishment, and our success to achieve an influence in our circumstances. The spiritual meaning of number Nine deals with intellectual power, inventiveness, influence over situations and things. Nine beseeches us to recognize our own internal attributes, and extend these abilities out into the world to make a positive, influential difference.

Let us, be out.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009 0 comments
Been doing a lot of interneting... Its cool, I'll be doing it periodically. But I have to get back to that little thing I like to call reality. I'm sure I'll have plenty to blog about upon my return. Hopefully a new layout. We'll see.

The Quarter-Life Crisis.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009 2 comments

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap

Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out


Tuesday, August 18, 2009 0 comments

Remember Them Days? That's what it used to be. But that there I promise aint me.

Lately thinks have been different to say the least. Like life is having its way. Hopefully things go in my favor. I've tried my hand at prayer and getting more spiritual, and I've been consistent about it, so hopefully it goes right. You know how we folks are. A little something goes bad in our lives and we turn to God to fix them. But I never said I was perfect. I can only try right? So that I do.

Moving forwards, I've been doing more reading of peoples blogs than actually making my own. And its always interesting to hear what other people have on their minds, because I tend to have plenty on my own. I even went out and spent $40.00 to get Documents to Go on my Blackberry so I'd have all of the blogs ideas and thigns I want to write about in one location and be able to edit it and everything from one source. Then just post it on here. I wish Blackberries just got a damn Blogger app. That'd be the life. Especially since Wordpress has one.

I've also been considering a new layout. Hopefully Jeanetta has some time on her hands to do it for me because I do not know how to do it. Speaking of Jeanetta, she made me realize two things in her latest blog over on

#1: I don't like wasting my time, and I dont enjoy meandering in pointless, drawn out situations.


#2: I don't like to keep friends with old sex partners. I need change like Obama, and keeping you around under the label of friendship is a hinrance of my overall goals.

Prime example being Interim. Loved her to death. Time spent was great. Sex was something to marvel, and her personality just grabbed me. We tried the 90 day thing, but couldnt make it 45. So as a result I've implemented the same rule Netta has. Three Months.

Basically in three months of fucking, talking, hanging out, talking, people should know exactly where they want to be with a person. If not "be" [because you know people don't commit anymore. That word can make roaches scatter], it gives you a consensus of where you two should be, either together or apart. It's not that much of rocket science if you think about it.

"The three month rule is mutually beneficial. I believe strongly in cutting off things before we get to the point of no return. The point of no return is that fine line. One side is us, happy with good type relations betwixt us. On the other side is me pissed and arson"

Can you honestly go against that word? I cant. Committment, or the thought of it is weird for people. And even at 22, I know what it means. Comitting to someone don't mean forever unless you make it. But being 22 doesnt mean "hey, I'm still young, I have plenty of time". [I personally hate that quote]. At 22, I've had more women in and out of my life than a Victoria Secret on Semi-Annual Saturday. Any man that enjoys doing this forever is a fool. Ginuwine was a bachelor, but now he has a plethora of rugrats. So anybody acting like being a player forever is good is a fucking fool.

But basically after the three months, when you buckle down and you tell your partner "look, it's been a while, shit needs to progress". Dont misconstrue partner with somebody you sporactically see and spend time with on occasion. I have had a few of them. Girls who as long as you dont "publically" act like they arent the only girl...they are cool with that. I've had a girl tell me "I talk to too many". So what I did was told her less, and gave her less evidence. Even though nothing changed, things changed for her. But it was COOL for her to pubically make a proclamation for singlehood, and the occasional "I need a man". Thats just the way of the world. But on my side of the street you'll get ticketed for Jaywalking.

Women do get mad when men go after and and everything at arms reach, but can't be mad because they never "wanted to put a ring on it" as Beyonce would say [I've always wanted to say that. That deserves a video]

Moving North, As Netta says, --> "Bitch... you done bamboozled yourself. You were headed distinctly down a path that you liked and were comfortable with and the next thing you know, he pulls an okeydoke. Now you wandering down a shitty dirt road, shoeless and squinting cuz you think you see a light at the end of this shit. Don't be simple. Them ain't lights hoe. Thems is fireflies and ain’t nothin ahead of you but more bullshit.

Bamboozlement = Bullshit and Bullshit eventually = the possibility of arson... "

The 3 month rule saves lives

Thats it...Ninety.

What More Can I say?

Monday, August 3, 2009 0 comments

The truth is I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't.

If I was more complacent and I let things slide, my life would be easier, but you all wouldn't be as entertained. My misery is your pleasure.

Are you not entertained?

50 Mistakes We Men Make In the Bedroom

Thursday, July 30, 2009 4 comments

Fifty Mistakes Men Make When Having Sex

Just in case you thought the route to sexual bliss was straightforward, here's a list of things to avoid. They're all pretty much guaranteed passion killers for a woman - and if your check list contains more than ten of these, you've got some serious work to do on your sexual etiquette!

1 Going straight for the naughty bits

You've got to be sensitive to the fact that a woman is more likely to be irritated than aroused when a man dives for her breasts and vulva after a few minutes' perfunctory kissing. While you might get to feel the goods, you're not going to be invited back.

2 Not knowing how to kiss sensitively

Passionate or sensitive, firm or gentle, good kissing is an art form which lubricates the wheels of sex and gets everyone in the mood for more intimacy. Learn how to kiss, and do it well. That doesn't mean sticking your tongue in her mouth and wiggling it around like you're trying to floss her teeth.

3 Being too rough when you touch her erogenous zones

Men like a firmer touch than women, especially when it comes to our penises. So if you touch her clitoris with as much force as you apply to your penis when you masturbate, she's most likely to howl with pain - and then kick you out of bed. Remember: the clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis, in a much smaller area. Treat it with respect. It's the only organ in the human body that has no function other than to provide pleasure.

4 Not stroking and caressing her

A woman's second biggest sex organ is her skin. (The first is her mind.) You can make your touch on any part of her body into a sexy caress, but you have to focus on what you're doing and put some sexual energy into your fingers while you caress her. That means not thinking about the baseball game while you're giving her a sensuous massage.

5 Locking onto her nipples like a suckling child

Yes, we know it's fun for you. To her it just feels like she's got a teething infant hanging off her breast. Lick and kiss around her whole breast before you go for the nipple, then flick your tongue gently across the nipple and around the areolae. If she likes what you're doing, you'll know by her moans of pleasure.

6 Biting on her earlobe because you think it's sexy

She may not agree with you. In which case it will just be irritating for her, not a prelude to her turning into the sex goddess you thought you were summoning up.

7 Leaving a hickey on her neck like a teenage badge of honor

If you're over sixteen, this is a no-no. If you need to know why, you're obviously under sixteen.

8 Not shaving before sex

When you're in the throes of passion, having your beard stubble brushing back and forth across her face isn't so sexy, but at least it'll produce a red rash she can remember you by.

9 Not washing your pits and bits before you have sex

If there's one thing that turns women off, it's a lover whose personal hygiene isn't up to scratch. Even though men have a higher smell threshold than women, keeping yourself clean - especially in the more intimate corners of your anatomy (like under your foreskin) - is not just a matter of courtesy, it's a ticket back to the bedroom.

10 Forgetting she has a sensuous body waiting to be stroked

Pretty much the same point we already made up above, but worth remembering: touch doesn't just have to be in the bedroom, a prelude to sex. In fact, if you touch her a lot in a loving way during the day, she'll be ready to melt into your arms by bedtime.

11 Trying to get your fingers in her underwear before she's ready

This is the mark of a gauche teenage lover who wants to get to fourth base just so he feels more accomplished as a lover. Take your time, let things evolve naturally, and apply a little sensuous touch on the fabric covering her vulva before you dive under the elastic. The hint of what's to come is often more erotic than diving straight in there.

12 Dropping the condom on the floor

Must we say why this isn't the most popular move post sex? Dispose of the condom tidily in a tissue - put it in the bin rather than down the toilet, or it's likely to float there for some time to come as a reminder of your sexual encounter.

13 Going straight for the clitoris during oral sex or masturbation

Like we said above, most women just find this irritating - and, if you press too hard, bloody uncomfortable too. Your first caresses should be on her labia, the lips of her vulva, then as she gets more aroused, you can work nearer the clitoris itself. But even when she's aroused a soft touch along the sides of her clitoris may be more acceptable for her than any pressure on the head of her clitoris.

14 Breaking off just as she's getting to the point where she wants you to keep going at all costs

Women often get so lost in their sexual arousal that they forget to give feedback. In reality, the fact that she's lying there quietly may actually mean she loves what you're doing; if so, you should feel her pressing her vulva against your mouth or fingers, or shifting like she wants more touch, rather than giving you a sense that she'd rather be out shopping.

15 Undressing her clumsily

Listen up guys: you don't have to be able to take her bra off with one hand, behind her back, while kissing her. In fact, in my experience, it's better if you don't try. She probably puts it on by fastening it first and pulling it over her head anyway. Let her take off the garments you don't understand, and whenever you do lend a helping hand, undress her gently and sensuously rather than pulling at her clothes like you're ripping the paper off a birthday present.

16 Undressing yourself inelegantly - which includes taking your socks off after your underwear

Nothing is more comical (or pathetic) to a woman than a man in his socks and pants. Except possibly a naked man wearing socks. If you don't understand why, just accept that it is so.

17 Expecting her to shave for you

You might like the baby smooth look around her vulva, but she's more likely to see this as a prickly route to itchy stubble. Ask her nicely if you'd like her to go smooth. If she says "no", accept that graciously.

18 Sticking a finger up her vagina before she's ready, willing and able

In general, women do like to be penetrated just as much as men like to penetrate, which, considering how much men like to stick things up there, is just as well. However, she'll only want you to do this when the time is right - i.e. when she's aroused enough to enjoy it. If you're giving her clitoris attention, there'll be a point where she might like to have a finger or two inside her. If so, be gentle, and start with one finger on her G-spot. Make sure she enjoys this before you put another one up there. Two fingers on her G-spot is probably as much as she will want. And be just as firm with your touch as she finds pleasurable. If you don't know what the G-spot is, then do some Google-ing before you get into bed.

19 Entering her without asking her first

What is it with men and these dark, wet places? Just keep in mind that she decides how far sex goes, and if she doesn't want to enjoy intercourse then don't press the point. This applies especially to any strategy that involves nudging your penis into position and then pressing forward without her consent, verbal or otherwise! Having said that, you don't always need to ask "May I enter you?" though it can be a romantic and sexy thing to do if you're looking deep into her eyes. Needless to say, that's most likely to happen in the man on top position, which, by the way, remains everyone's most popular position for sex.

20 Pecking away around her vagina with your penis if you can't find the way in

This is, by all accounts, many women's least desired sexual moment. If for any reason you can't get in, don't pretend you're in control and keep trying. Simply ask her to guide you in with her hand. That way you'll save a lot of embarrassment, not to mention time.

20 Pumping away without regard for her pleasure

When you've achieved your most desired objective, and your penis is inside her, you'll want to show a certain consideration for her pleasure. She may want hard and fast thrusting, but it's best to start slow and shallow. While you're making love, she'll most appreciate your efforts if you're masculine and strong - which is to say, if you act like you know what you're doing, you're considerate and gentle at first, and work up to firm and strong thrusts if she likes them.

21 Expecting her to make love bottom up

Yes, we all enjoy rear entry. But she may be more self-conscious of her butt, she may feel like a sex object, and she may not like the rather impersonal nature of this position. If you really want to do it, and you explain to her why you like it so much (i.e. "It's incredibly exciting to see your gorgeous bottom as we make love", rather than "I get so turned on fucking from behind") she'll probably co-operate from time to time, even if it's only on your birthday and hers.

22 Thrusting too hard

If you happen to be well-endowed, or she has a short vagina, and you thrust too hard, you may end up banging her cervix. This can make her shriek, though sadly not with sexual pleasure.

22 Coming before she's got excited or begun to enjoy sex

There aren't many men who can last long enough to really satisfy a woman who enjoys vaginal intercourse and G-spot stimulation. If you can't be bothered learning how to be a long lasting lover, then at least have the decency to keep going for a few minutes so she gets some pleasure. This isn't hard, and there are plenty of ways you can learn to extend intercourse and not come so quickly. Do some research on Google for "end premature ejaculation" . See also number 26.

23 Not coming at all - or losing your erection when you put the condom on

If you're one of that rarer breed of men who has trouble coming during intercourse, may we respectfully suggest you see a sexual therapist? You can then deal with this problem, learn to come more quickly, and avoid giving her a numb vagina and an intimate knowledge of the exact shade of color you painted your bedroom ceiling. If you're one of the many men who lose their erection when the condom comes out of its foil wrapper and onto the head of your penis, it's back to Google for a search on, surprisingly enough, "losing erection when putting on a condom".

24 Asking her how it was for her

This is not the mark of a confident lover, so if you really want some feedback, phrase it thus: "Did you prefer it when I did X or Y?"

25 Not going down on her when she wants oral pleasure

Since oral sex on a woman is so pleasurable for most men, this seems unlikely. But if it's a question of the smell or taste being a bit much for you, try taking a shower or bath together before sex. If you just want her to fellate you and you simply can't be bothered to reciprocate with cunnilingus, then reading these tips isn't going to help you much anyway.

26 Failing to give her pleasure if you come quickly

Remember the motto: "Women come first!" As a man, you're probably going to lose interest in sex once you've ejaculated - at least for a while. In which case, make sure she comes through oral sex or masturbation before you enter her. That way, she gets her pleasure and so do you. (With the added bonus that it doesn't matter so much if you shoot quite quickly.) Just to enter her, thrust a few times, come, roll over and forget about her is the mark of a boorish lover, and you wouldn't want to be one of those, now would you?

27 Trying to force her head towards your cock

Let's face it: she's either willing to give your oral sex or she's not. Trying to persuade her to get her lips around your glans by edging her head towards your groin is a bit crass, to say the least. If she doesn't seem to be heading that way as things hot up, just ask her: "There's something you could do that'd give me so much pleasure.... ."

28 Trying to force her head further down on her cock when she's giving you oral

Yes, once again we know it feels good, but you have to be considerate about it. She's not likely to be a deep throat expert, and there's no reason why she should be, since most of the pleasure of oral sex comes from the action of her tongue on your glans. Keep your hands away from her head unless it's to gently stroke her hair, and you won't feel the temptation to encourage her to go deeper.

29 Holding her head when she goes down on you

Pretty similar to number 28, but this time, holding her head and moving it up and down on your penis is the no-no. If you think that's acceptable sexual etiquette you've been watching too many of the wrong kind of films.

30 Coming in her mouth without asking her if it's OK

The taste of semen is very much an acquired taste; unfortunately it's one that few woman ever acquire. If she doesn't like it, ask her to keep going until the last minute, then tell her when you're going to come so she can move back and finish the job with a well-lubed hand. You'll get just as much pleasure, and she won't have to gag or spit your semen out. By the way, accidentally forgetting to tell her you're going to come is not permitted.

31 Thinking that a porno movie has anything to do with real life

Porn is not good for men's egos. Real life isn't like that, OK?

32 Switching on a hard core porn film without asking whether that's OK with her

Even if you find it arousing, she's not likely to, for the simple reason that much of the porn available today is fairly abusive to women. Ask her first, and if you want to share the erotic thrill of watching people have sex, get hold of some romantic sex movies that will appeal to her emotions as well as her sex drive.

33 Apologizing for the size of your penis

Just in case you ever feel inclined to apologize for not matching up to the guys in the wrong kind of movies, just remember: 98% of women would rather have a sensitive lover than one with a big penis. If you're with one of the other two percent, you need to find a new lover.

34 Answering honestly when she asks you what your last lover was like

Guys, when a woman asks you if her butt is too big, do you tell her the truth? Enough said. Your current lover is always the most gorgeous, sexy and desirable woman around. Even if she doesn't really believe it, that's what she wants to hear.

35 Asking her if she'd mind if her girlfriend joined you

Threesomes can be exciting, but they usually just cause jealousy and upset when one partner unexpectedly finds they don't want their partner making out with another person. Needless to say, this usually happens to the woman. So be sure, be very sure, you know what you're doing before you try this one.

36 Making her do all the work

Changing positions is all very well, but asking her to ride you each time you have sex seems a bit one sided. Vary the positions, have fun, and take equal shares of the work. Don't just settle for one favorite position and flog it to death.

37 Trying to slip it in the back door by "accident"

Anal sex is something that a lot fewer couples have tried than you'd believe from what you read on the internet or see in porn. It's something you might like to try, but you both have to want to do it. She's not likely to respond with warmth if you keep pretending you're poking her anus by accident. And she won't believe you if you tell her you just didn't want to ask for directions, even if that's how you are when you're driving around lost, looking for somewhere.

38 Photographing or videoing your lovemaking

Unfortunately, as many jilted lovers can testify, taking pictures while you enjoy sex is putting power in the hands of the person who has the pictures. A good compromise is to link your video camera direct to your TV without recording the images. That way you can have the erotic thrill of seeing yourself during sex without having to worry about seeing yourself having sex on the internet in a few years' time.

39 Getting into the same old same old routine every time you have sex

Above almost everything else (except possibly being deeply in love), ringing the changes when you make love is the thing that will keep your sex life fresh and passionate. You'll be surprised just how exciting it can be when you try a new position. This is simply because every position puts a different pressure on the penis and vagina, or gives you a new perspective of your partner's body, or perhaps allows you to see entering your partner's body, and so on. Exactly which sex position feels most pleasurable will depend on the shape and size and shape of your penis and her vagina.

40 Not romancing her

Women love romance. Men put up with it, or do it to get sex. True or false? Probably true, but the romantic "chase" is deeply rewarding for most men (i.e. seducing and winning a woman makes us feel deeply fulfilled), and romance is an essential part of that process. If you're able to continue being romantic once you're an established couple, then you set yourself head and shoulders above the rest of your fellow men, and you stand that much greater chance of getting regular, passionate sex.

41 Slapping her buttocks without checking if she's into a little dominance play

No mater how exciting you may find the idea, don't land a heavy slap on her butt without trying a few lighter ones first and seeing how she reacts. If you do, you may get a slap in the face. Or a kick in the balls.

42 Trying to do sex by the book (or the film)

Don't copy the moves you see in porn films. They lack a certain something. Consideration for the woman, that would be.

43 Playing with her anus before she's excited enough to appreciate it

When you're masturbating her clitoris, and you have a finger inside her vagina, you may find that she responds well to a little anal play. If you have the position right, you can use your little finger to tickle gently at her anus as your forefinger plays with her G-spot. This may well add to her excitement - especially if she's on the verge of orgasm. If you try this before she's really excited and has stopped caring what's happening to her, you might just turn her off completely, so it might not be a bad idea to check it out with her in advance.

44 Deafening her by shouting in her ear when you come

An easy mistake to make, especially if you like to have sex in the man on top position lying close to your partner, and you like to let the world know when you come. Unfortunately she won't let you do it a second time, so bury your face in the pillow or something if you're prone to uncontrollable vocal ejaculations as well as physical ones.

45 Talking dirty without checking if she likes it

Generally a little consensual dirty talk between adults adds to the excitement. The first time your partner tells you to f*** her hot wet c*** you'll see what I mean. If that hasn't happened yet, and you'd like it to, encourage her to talk dirty to you when you're making love, and see what pops out of her mouth. You might be surprised. Remember legend has it that the quiet ones are often the most surprising in bed!

46 Lying on top of her without supporting your weight on your arms

Always remember: a gentleman takes his weight on his arms. Or elbows, or knees, or something.

47 Ejaculating on her without asking permission

Coming between her breasts or on her vulva or bottom can be incredibly exciting, but it's nice to ask her first. She may see it less a mark of your ejaculatory prowess or manhood than a mess to clear up.

48 Not controlling your ejaculation

Like we said before, a good lover makes the effort to make sure his partner is satisfied before he is.

49 Not spending some time with her in your arms after sex

A man who gets up after he's done the business and sets about his daily routine is probably top of most women's sexual dislikes. For her, this is a special time when a woman feels very close to her partner. She takes much longer to come down from sex than a man does, she wants to know she's loved and special, and she wants to feel adored by the man to whom she has just given her most precious asset. The very least you can do is to spend a half hour or so cuddling her while you relax after making love, even if you're not going to spend the night with her.

50 Not cleaning up after sex

And since sex inevitably involves a certain amount of fluids, keep the tissues handy for afterwards. If you feel like being chivalrous, offer her a warm towel to clean herself, especially if you aren't using condoms

The Sixteen [16] Commandments of Man.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 1 comments

I. Never say ‘I Love You’ first

Women want to feel like they have to overcome obstacles to win a man’s heart. They crave the challenge of capturing the interest of a man who has other women competing for his attention, and eventually prevailing over his grudging reluctance to award his committed exclusivity. The man who gives his emotional world away too easily robs women of the satisfaction of earning his love. Though you may be in love with her, don’t say it before she has said it. Show compassionate restraint for her need to struggle toward yin fulfillment. Inspire her to take the leap for you, and she’ll return the favor a thousandfold.

II. Make her jealous

Flirt with other women in front of her. Do not dissuade other women from flirting with you. Women will never admit this but jealousy excites them. The thought of you turning on another woman will arouse her sexually. No girl wants a man that no other woman wants. The partner who harnesses the gale storm of jealousy controls the direction of the relationship.

III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority

Forget all those romantic cliches of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “your everything”. She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.

IV. Don’t play by her rules

If you allow a woman to make the rules she will resent you with a seething contempt even a rapist cannot inspire. The strongest woman and the most strident feminist wants to be led by, and to submit to, a more powerful man. Polarity is the core of a healthy loving relationship. She does not want the prerogative to walk all over you with her capricious demands and mercurial moods. Her emotions are a hurricane, her soul a saboteur. Think of yourself as a bulwark against her tempest. When she grasps for a pillar to steady herself against the whipping winds or yearns for an authority figure to foil her worst instincts, it is you who has to be there… strong, solid, unshakeable and immovable.

V. Adhere to the golden ratio

Give your woman 2/3 of everything she gives you. For every three calls or texts, give her two back. Three declarations of love earn two in return. Three gifts; two nights out. Give her two displays of affection and stop until she has answered with three more. When she speaks, you reply with fewer words. When she emotes, you emote less. The idea behind the golden ratio is twofold — it establishes your greater value by making her chase you, and it demonstrates that you have the self-restraint to avoid getting swept up in her personal dramas. Refraining from reciprocating everything she does for you in equal measure instills in her the proper attitude of belief in your higher status. In her deepest loins it is what she truly wants.

VI. Keep her guessing

True to their inscrutable natures, women ask questions they don’t really want direct answers to. Woe be the man who plays it straight — his fate is the suffering of the beta. Evade, tease, obfuscate. She thrives when she has to imagine what you’re thinking about her, and withers when she knows exactly how you feel. A woman may want financial and family security, but she does not want passion security. In the same manner, when she has displeased you, punish swiftly, but when she has done you right, reward slowly. Reward her good behavior intermittently and unpredictably and she will never tire of working hard to please you.

VII. Always keep two in the kitty

Never allow yourself to be a “kept man”. A man with options is a man without need. It builds confidence and encourages boldness with women if there is another woman, a safety net, to catch you in case you slip and risk a breakup, divorce, or a lost prospect, leading to loneliness and a grinding dry spell. A woman knows once she has slept with a man she has abdicated a measure of her power; when she has fallen in love with him she has surrendered nearly all of it. But love is ephemeral and with time she may rediscover her power and threaten to leave you. It is her final trump card. Withdrawing all her love and all her body in an instant will rend your soul if you are faced with contemplating the empty abyss alone. Knowing there is another you can turn to for affection will fortify your will and satisfy your manhood.

VIII. Say you’re sorry only when absolutely necessary

Do not say you’re sorry for every wrong thing you do. It is a posture of submission that no man should reflexively adopt, no matter how alpha he is. Apologizing increases the demand for more apologies. She will come to expect your contrition, like a cat expects its meal at a set time each day. And then your value will lower in her eyes. Instead, if you have done something wrong, you should acknowledge your guilt in a glancing way without resorting to the actual words “I’m sorry.” Pull the Bill Clinton maneuver and say “Mistakes were made” or tell her you “feel bad” about what you did. You are granted two freebie “I’m sorry”s for the life of your relationship; use them wisely.

IX. Connect with her emotions

Set yourself apart from other men and connect with a woman’s emotional landscape. Her mind is an alien world that requires deft navigation to reach your rendevous. Frolic in the surf of emotions rather than the arid desert of logic. Be playful. Employ all your senses. Describe in lush detail scenarios to set her heart afire. Give your feelings freedom to roam. ROAM. Yes, that is a good word. You’re not on a linear path with her. You are ROAMING all over, taking her on an adventure. In this world, there is no need to finish thoughts or draw conclusions. There is only need to EXPERIENCE. You’re grabbing her hand and running with her down an infinite, labyrinthine alleyway with no end, laughing and letting your fingers glide on the cobblestone walls along the way.

X. Ignore her beauty

The man who trains his mind to subdue the reward centers of his brain when reflecting upon a beautiful female face will magically transform his interactions with women. His apprehension and self-consciousness will melt away, paving the path for more honest and self-possessed interactions with the objects of his desire. This is one reason why the greatest lotharios drown in more love than they can handle — through positive experiences with so many beautiful women they lose their awe of beauty and, in turn, their powerlessness under its spell. It will help you acquire the right frame of mind to stop using the words hot, cute, gorgeous, or beautiful to describe girls who turn you on. Instead, say to yourself “she’s interesting” or “she might be worth getting to know”. Never compliment a girl on her looks, especially not a girl you aren’t fucking. Turn off that part of your brain that wants to put them on pedestals. Further advanced training to reach this state of unawed Zen transcendence is to sleep with many MANY attractive women (try to avoid sleeping with a lot of ugly women if you don’t want to regress). Soon, a Jedi lover you will be.

XI. Be irrationally self-confident

No matter what your station in life, stride through the world without apology or excuse. It does not matter if objectively you are not the best man a woman can get; what matters is that you think and act like you are. Women have a dog’s instinct for uncovering weakness in men; don’t make it easy for them. Self-confidence, warranted or not, triggers submissive emotional responses in women. Irrational self-confidence will get you more coochie than rational defeatism.

XII. Maximize your strengths, minimize your weaknesses

In the betterment of ourselves as men we attract women into our orbit. To accomplish this gravitational pull as painlessly and efficiently as possible, you must identify your natural talents and shortcomings and parcel your efforts accordingly. If you are a gifted jokester, don’t waste time and energy trying to raise your status in philosophical debate. If you write well but dance poorly, don’t kill yourself trying to expand your manly influence on the dancefloor. Your goal should be to attract women effortlessly, so play to your strengths no matter what they are; there is a groupie for every male endeavor. Except World of Warcraft.

XIII. Err on the side of too much boldness, rather than too little

Touching a woman inappropriately on the first date will get you further with her than not touching her at all. Don’t let a woman’s faux indignation at your boldness sway you; they secretly love it when a man aggressively pursues what he wants and makes his sexual intentions known. You don’t have to be an asshole, but if you have no choice, being an inconsiderate asshole beats being a polite beta, every time.

XIV. **** her good

Fuck her like it’s your last fuck. And hers. Fuck her so good, so hard, so wantonly, so profligately that she is left a quivering, sparking mass of shaking flesh and sex fluids. Drain her of everything, then drain her some more. Kiss her all over, make love to her all night, and hold her close in the morning. Own her body, own her gratitude, own her love. If you don’t know how, learn to give her squirting orgasms.

XV. Maintain your state control

You are an oak tree. You will not be manipulated by crying, yelling, lying, head games, sexual withdrawal, jealousy ploys, pity plays, fuck tests, hot/cold/hot/cold, disappearing acts, or guilt trips. She will rain and thunder all around you and you will shelter her until her storm passes. She will not drag you into her chaos or uproot you. When you have mastery over yourself, you will have mastery over her.

XVI. Never be afraid to lose her

You must not fear. Fear is the love-killer. Fear is the ego-triumph that brings abject loneliness. You will face your fear. You will permit it to pass over and through you. And when your ego-fear is gone you will turn and face your lover, and only your heart will remain. You will walk away from her when she has violated your integrity, and you will let her walk when her heart is closed to you. She who can destroy you, controls you. Don’t give her that power over yourself. Love yourself before you love her.