I Dont Care If They Gave it in NAVIGATION, DONT GO THERE

Okay, retrograde is over, so hopefully life is treating you good, because its treating me swell. How you been? How your mama treating you? Thats good, wonderful... Making a short story shorter.. Onto the blog.

In the Past 30 days, I lost a female I had strong feelings for, gained a stalker, woke up in a bed that wasn't mine, went to PARK [I know, I know], Laughed at Lebron, broke a computer, an ipod, AND a cell phone, and planned a trip. Sounds amusing right? Great, because I'm not going to talk about NONE of that. I have motivation for other things.

Dear women who wear animal print anything. especially cougar like elderly women. STOP, I repeat STOP wearing leopard print leggings if you have some extra pounds on you. Sweetheart, KANGAROOS have pouches. Cheetahs don't. With that said the National Zoo is open SIX days a week. I suggest you get familiar.

Cruisinggggg along. You ever had sex so good that you woke up the next day trying to find the condom? Well I haven't. But I thought about it, and I'd like to have that. Sex so great that fuck... you might just go head and leave the condom on AFTER fucking. Just lay in your essence, wake up the next day and all the spermicide dry. [Paints a vivid picture don't it? Kodak Greggie. Oww.]

• If I text you about what your doing tonight...Be clear, you aren't the only person I've texted saying this. It wasn't a MASS text.. I may have reworded it somehow.. But don't think I'm DEPENDENT on you getting back to me. Give a guppy a worm, and it'll bite. This is my world, you are in it. However, I'll launch your ass out into the galaxy in an instant. Be clear.



• Pussy is just that.. pussy. I talk about it, great..wonderful. Fellas, stop priding it. Had a dude call me and say "man, I love her so much." Dude.. shes another mans girl. Which means shes ENTITLED to give you great pussy. But don't try your hand at handcuffing. It wont work.

SO.....I'm walking down the street the other day, and it dawned on me... I never look up. SO I started walking with my head looking forward... and might I say.. the World is an ugly fucking place. Have you ever just stepped back and LOOKED at shit..? ESPECIALLY in DC? I love my town.. I truly do.. BUT this place has some ugly sights. Its intriguing that HALF of the tourist that come here get shown the monument, the memorials, and even the CAPITOL.. but little do they know.. the hood is RIGHT behind it, two blocks over. Slumdogs forreal.

Anyway... a couple things that grind my gears:

1. Fat women who insist on being skinny but refuse to use weight: Listen here lover, 2pac was a rapper. 2 stomachs wont help you go platinum. You dig?



2. Skinny women wearing even skinnier clothes: Boo, I love you, I really do. You skinny women are so appealing. But I went to an all white [well beige since MOST people cant find all white clothing], and I swear I seen a group of 10 women that looked like they wrapped their whole body in band aids, put on some heels and said "fuck it".



3. Dudes who brag about their dick: Now granted, I'm every bit of 5'8' and a smile, so I KNOW when I see a female out and about, if I approach her, she gives me the look like "Oh, he cant handle me". With that said.. I don't even go and say "girl, I'll break your back". That ain't my focus. It just kills me when dudes say one thing about they shit, then a female goes back and contracts it. I stand TRUE to my "Moist Satin Sheets" story though. Pictures don't lie.

Moving right along. I've been motivated to become a better man thanks to retrograde, so I've made some slight changes, a few mishaps, and have come to the decision on where I want to be in life. I was striving to be a OB/GYN, but I'm afraid that looking at pussy all day will stunt my sexual growth. So.. I'll stick with this law life for a while.

SIDENOTE: It was me that wrote in your honesty box. You know who you are. Now.. you have no reason to guess.

Oh.. Umm yeah.. Mcdonalds.. you and I arent friends. Let me explain without being graphic. I took the meanest shit ever thanks to a Honey Mustard Snack Wrap. So as a result, no more of that shit for me. FIVE GUYS too. You summsofbeeches food is so greasy, you can grease Cassies naked scalp with that shit. No fuego.

Fellas... This is OUR corner. Have a few tips and pointers for you.

1. Its the summer. LIE to women. They seem to like being lied to. If they tell you they dont, its because they are mad they aint get to lie to you first.

LETS break down the term SUMMERTIME.

S- Sex. A lot of it.

U- Ultrabar [obviously where I'll be on many a nights. Even on international nights. I'm getting diverse out chere. Oww.]

M- Mothers. If shes single with kids.. first question you should ask is "Do you have a reliable babysitter. Fuck all that "I gotta make some calls."

M- See above.

E- Ectasy Pills: Dude asked me if I wanted to buy a couple of them at 24 a couple weeks back. Verbatim : "Bitchs do E out here son, gets em loose"...Well allllllright.

R- Relationships: People come home from school, and [new news to me], get back with their "at home boo". My boy hit me with this. "Yeah, youngin home from school, I'll bun her up til August." <---VITAL.

T- Tolerance- This heat and rain on and off shit... = LOW tolerance for it.

I- Independent Male Bashing Songs- Epiphany... Love Chrisette, but she has some of you women saying words you couldn't pronounce a month ago. Don't DARE say "I've had an Epiphany", then try to say "conversate". Dumb bitch, "I'll shoot you in your chest I'll WET CHA" *Steve Harvey Voice*

ME: If it aint bout that... fuck you. I think that should be printed on an Iron-on T-Shirt.

Fin. BITCH.