...Out of My System

Its funny, as much as everybody don't like her, I can't shake her ass. Even went to the extremes of editing contact information, and avoiding all types of networking with her. Seen one of her folks out and about, ain't even speak. Not my place to.

Now in the "getting over phase", I met good women, evil bitches, and all in between. And just when shit gets relatively normal again...Slim pops back up. It'd be a different case if I was hitting her up and shit, but nah, aint been like that. Her and me ended on some SLIGHTLY bad terms. Basically I wasn't haven't the shit she put on the table, so I rolled out. Seen her again, and you could tell there was feelings there, but nobody wants to act on them. You'd think her being the elder of the two parties, she'd meet halfway. But its more so all or nothing, and shit must go her way. In my views and aspects, its 50-50. With the ex I was guilty of being a bastard and not acknowledging emotions, so I guess I'm a casualty of that Karma bitch...a year later.

So meantime I been reluctant to sign into Facebook as a result. Everybodys in love, summer blossoming and gossiping, and quite frankly, it messes with my conscious, and makes me think that I need love and companionship. I've been doing fine exactly where I'm at.

1. Dont know exactly what I want out of a female. Physically, emotionally, nothing. Seems like as I upgrade, shit stays the same version. Bitches with kids, women with issues, girls attempting to be women. Even spoke to a friend of mine, and she kicked some Beckham Thoughts to me: "Greg, the problem is you can't differentiate ladies from women". It's been three days, and that shit still burns in the membrane.
2. Bad terms: I never actually BURN bridges. If somebody has an issue with me, I let it ride and keep it 100. Somebody out there hates my guts, and has made it clear of this. Havoc, but where I'm at with mine is, the effort I could take retaliating, I could be doing more productive shit. This goes back to the whole "upgrades versus standby" situation as well. Sad to see females being so vindictive. But it is what it is.

Back to what I was saying, with this lady, girl, woman, chick..whatever... There is nothing there. But the petty every now and again acts she does kills me. For some reason I can't shake it even though I practice equanimity whenever she approaches. Her and my relationship is probably equivalent to that Martina and Gina thing. They hate each other, love either at the same time, and SOMEBODYS pride is going to outweigh the others. Hers more than mine. I find it intriguing a woman can conquer my thoughts, but lose the battle of emotional wits. Sometimes the quietest room makes the most noise. So when I tell her I care, and she has no words, her actions, well, go figure.

[As I'm typing this... that night I woke up in that other girl bed.. Well she just hit me up asking about my Google status and what it means. The status says "If women don't figure it out soon, I'm going to be an awful person". I'm not talking rocket science, am I? Didn't think so.]

So I tell her. "Basically, y'all don't like progress until you realize your feet are planted, and everyone else is in stride." That part made perfect sense to me, if you didn't get it, I apologize.

Short story shorter, I don't know and quite frankly don't care if she is reading but it will be said. It's been hell getting over you, so Im moving past you. You've been a roadblock since that day, and it's best if I don't even acknowledge you. I should've listened when you said "You weren't any good". But I didn't see it as a challenge, moreso saw a female in need of having a heart. But I guess even a Tin man can't be so abstruse. So I'm done. I love you, but the fuckery must cease.