You make my penis smile.

Monday, July 27, 2009

I have an ego. Not one of them Beyonce joints either. A sexual joint. When I meet a woman now, the inner man asks first off three questions:

  • Can she support herself without a man?
  • Can she fuck?
  • Whats her flaw.

And it just so happens that the flaw could be...she's fucking everybody, to support herself. Now, I aint saying she's a golddigger, but she damn sure knows what she got is going to get her what she desires. Case in point. A pretty face will ask you "can you buy my a drink" at a bar, even though you just met her. Yeah, you're attractive, but that aint gfot shit to do with what you got going on.

Dont know what I meant by the last paragraph, so in order to not talk in circles, I'm going to attempt to write in moderation and stay on topic. Todays topic has to be sex. You know the best feeling in the world? Have on call sex. Like y'all don't necessarily have to be dating, y'all feeling each other, but the sex is that great that you get a text like "I miss the dick". Shit is wonderful. Now I remember when I used to talk to like 5, 6 females at a time, I would send out a text message every Friday, promptly at 5:15 like "What you doing tonight". I knew sending it round this time meant: All guestlist were close, so she wasnt going to be doing that; She'd cancel them plans she already had.

But I had to stop doing that. Mainly because females are the new niggas. Received a text message from a girl I aint seen since the Inaugeration. Text message simply read

Its been a while. I was bunned up, but its the summer. I'm single and fuckstrated. What's up.

Let me step back three steps and go back to when she was in a relationship.

Simply put....She had a man. She was in love like shit. SO me being a bastard, I was trying to get inside of her just for the sake of her being someones elses property. Vindictive yes, but when I was with my ex, she would blow up my phone with text and calls. Figured it was payback. Sue me.

Slim was one of those dickteasers. Like she was a flirt on the low low [especially Facebook..where I met her..*tisk*.] Basiclaly she'd put up nasty quotes and quizzes, make lil notions on your profile and shit.. But then an hour or so later, Facebook status with be "Can't wait to see my baby...etc etc"

And I got tired of getting her ready and geared up for that nigga. So I started throwing her shade. My thing is.. if it aint me you fucking, you wasting oxygen. She got mad, but fuck it, you got a man, fuck you in my face for?

Short story even shorter. Its almost August. And the following must commence by August 1st, 2010. [next year]

  1. Fucking on the National Mall. Dont matter what time. I'll handle the indecent exposure charge.
  2. Head in daytime in a mall parking lot. Shit just sounds good.
  3. Fuck in a moonbounce. Shit sounds good.
  4. And this:

Amy Smart Funny Crank 2 Sex Scene - Click here for funny video clips