Make Me... Over? [The 2009 "Pay it Forward" method]

Monday, December 22, 2008
Disclaimer [courtesy of Netta]: If you know me, you will probably end up in my blog. I will do you this one courtesy: You can pick your own Psuedonym. I will honor what you pick, so long as it makes sense and isn't anything extreme like "baby mama". Lauren holds that claim.

Came to the conclusion I'm a bastard. Yes, my father was there, still is. But I'm a bastard I'm pretty much a mean person. I promise its a defense mechanism to ween out the negatives out of my arms reach. So far its worked within reason. Then I started to think about all the good people I've possibly lost as a result. They say shit happens for a reason, but fuck type logic is that? Thats like telling me "you want your cake and eat it to." Would you grab a plate and not eat it? Who comes up with these metaphors? Dont know...

Erin hit me up. Said I need to start being nicer and I should consider the "pay it forward" method.
  • Im an optimist.
  • With a low tolerance for buffoonery.
  • Short attention span.
Needless to say trying this hopefully is "supposed" to work. This "nice" Greg should pay off.. because I'm personally tired of that bitch Karma staring me in the face. My conscious is telling me if I ever have a daughter, that should be her name. If a rapper named Ludacris can do it, why cant I. Used to think it was for the bullshit I put the "exes" through. Because I was a bastard. I fucked another female before. I did. I'm guilty. It wasnt great, by far. But thats beyond the point. I still dont even know what I cheated for. So... I had a conversation with my dick. Yes. A conversation. Went something like this:

Me: Why the fuck do you get me in trouble so much?
Dick: [inaudible]
Me: So you have nothing to say? Cool. We gotta do better. We're starting to settle. And your 50% of the problem. You have to stop jumping up at every opportunity.
Dick: [inaudible]
Me: This how its gon go. I'm going to start neglecting you favors in 2009. I'm the brains of this operation.

Okay.. that was the gist of the conversation, being as though it was one sided. The moral of that story is.. I have to stop going at the inparticulars that arent worthy of nothing but a nut. And I've been guilty of telling some that they are beyond bedroom material. And its a curse. Because it's given some women the luxury of hearing it from so many men, it went from being a compliment.. to second nature things they "deserve". Its not the case. So in my quest of honesty. I'm going to start saying "I'm sexually attracted to you". Cut the middle man out. It may hurt some feelings. But I rather have less women going out in public with dirty drawls thinking their shit dont stink. So the buck stops there.

Secondly. Shit about me. I hate facial hair. Gets in the way. In more ways than one. And my fucking hair grows back to quick. I got a haircut last friday. Its coming back already. I've learned tonot shave because I refuse to have bumps. But I know Tony gets tired of me walking in on him in the Barbershop like "trim my beard". Because I refuse to do it myself. Thats what they are there for.

Next... The club on Friday. lol. Lord. Interesting. I'll get into details in a minute. Cliffnotes for some.

  • Nice seeing all my high school alum there. Purdy ladies. And my compadres, cool cool. Latoya, Erica, Jasmine, Shana [Miss M.I.A].. Deon I owe you a drink. Remind me. John too. Dave.. you werent drunk. I promise you. Erica & Toya.. whoever the blonde girl that was with y'all.. tell her I apologize for grazing up on her ass. I wasnt paying attention. I have no control of my elbows.
  • For dc to be beefing with Baltimore so hard... Its interesting how many niggers [yes.. niggers] party to Bmore Club Music in Love. [Oh yes... wait a minute mister post man.]
  • A nigga thought he was balling in the club. Tossed money in the air. You thought I wasnt going to pick it up? Got me fucked up like sex on the ceiling. I've been eating dollar menu on dudes expense since Saturday morning. Whoever you are... thank you guy. Your great. Fucking dummy.
  • I bought a female drinks. So not me. Why did I do it? She was beside me talking. Plus two is better than one. Only if she knew the drink was free because the bartender knows me through facebook as well. You lose.
  • They tried to get me to party to Beyonce. Picture that.
  • No seriously... They tried to get me to party to Beyonce.... picture that.
But wait... theres more.....

Hoops...bad bitch. My whole body got bullshit. Lauren got comp. Whole time though. I would slit a hole in a rubber and reproduce with her. Twice. Met Nikki [hoopz], stamp. I hate calling celebrities their pet names and shit. Think it kind of got her attention I called her by her first name. Which bumped me up to see her. Granted...other dudes were timid. Just staring. Fuck that. I came for a reason. So yeah. Fuck that. Ask Morgan. I glided to the front of the crowd.. with my determined look in my eye. Seen her on stage. Goddess. I pointed at her, winked, and waved. They can vouch for me. She did it back. BAM! We got action. I made my move.

I moved closer. I told the bodyguard.. "im going to snap some with her". He told me "you can try if you like". In the words of Beyonce... "you must not know bout me.." Now at first... the task was hard. The Blackberry wanted to bullshit on taking photos. So I had to be forced to get Mica to give me Morgans' camera. [A gift I need for Christmas by the way]. I went back... and this little frail ass dark skinned chick tried to cockblock by standing in front of Hoopz. Ut oh bitch... you tried it. I aint no sucker. I tapped her little dark skinned ass, she tried to igg me. NOT going to fly round these parts. So i kindly grabbed at Hoopz hand.. and asked for the imagry. She obliged. BAM... in there. She comes down again mind you [first time was with the blackberry] and commist to start taking photos for me. Yes! But then... the goons out lurking. Out the woodworks.. dudes are looking like "THIS nigga got a photo with Hoopz.. watch me getem. So I end up snapping photos FOR people. One dude on his iphone, couple dudes from High School, a chick, and one other guy... dont know who the fuck he was, but aye..

Got a few photos in. Beautiful woman. Minus the demeanor. Granted...she's known for flava of love. So she has fans for being 'the quiet shy girl on flava flavs show'. Cool. Whatever. But after a while she got this little arrogance after taking photos and shit. I saw her picking and choosing dudes to tale photos with. Sheisty. They are your fans. Aint like you are Beyonce. Nor are you an actress. Your claim to fame was vh1...the retirement home for once important celebs. Moving RIGHT.... along.

Then..."black". Candice Cabriela. She was the more humble out of the two. I apologize Candace for getting your attention by grabbing your thigh. Its the only thing I could reach from where I was standing. But I believe I told you that. Bare with me. Now...usually I'm a sucer for a beautiful woman...but you struck me as nice. You nicely got down on the floor and took the photo with me. I truly respect you for that. You didn't have to. You didn't look as scared as Hoopz did when she saw all the other people getting attention. Deelishious...I saw you baby. Gorgeous. And whoever did your hair.. Needs to help some of these scallies out. Seriously. I couldn't get a picture because nigga in the red was cuffin you all night. Ugh mo. Raven Symone. I'm sad I didn't see you....but at least I was in your presence. I've loved your rotund self since you did that cd that never sold when you were like 14. And your worth 93 million dollars. Ghesh.

But fuck that.. Some things I HAVE to speak on..

--Random niggas throwing money In the air at Yes...I took advantage of your mediocracy and picked it up. Money don't fall off trees...but it damn sure landed in my pockets. Gained 14 dollars. Felt great. Thanks in advance for my lunch. Guess april 1st is everyday for some fools...

--Female Club attire. You are getting hit on for a reason. You going to Howard dont matter when you have to pull down your skirt everytime you raise your arm. "You may not be a skeezer.. but you damn sure are a teaser". <---I'm copywritting that quote.

--Plus sized women. I love you. Love you dearly. Swear I do. Your just so healthy. But like be conscious of people like me. I have a camera phone. And I will take a photo. Not to embarass you. But to let you know we are watching. I honestly thought this girl had a BEAUTIFUL face.. her attire just killed it. She wouldve done great with some tight jeans and a nice shirt and some heels. Somethings you see your petite friends do... you cannot. They bought their skirt at Forever 21. Thats the name for the store sweety. Not the sizes of the clothes. They have specialty stores for that. Big N Tall. Thanks.

--Dudes. Its LOVE. On a Friday. Church aint for another 48 hours. Three Piece suits? Better let... 35-40 year old men buying VIP booths and "hauling" young phat ass girls to come drink with them to look cool? Fuck it.... Nevermind. Do you. I'm trying to be nice. Maybe later.

Taking a note from Connie's book..but fuck it. Had to elaborate on it myself... Facebook is social networking. Yes. Females. Every guy doesn't want you for your profile photo. Its 33 degrees outside. Why do you still have that club photo up from Memorial Day weekend? Thirsty. Then get mad when your not taking seriously? Its December...and your still trying to bait dudes. Then when you hook the line you don't reel in. Fuck is your malfunction? Random - where the correct underwear in the club too. Aint nothing worse than black spandex and them big ass underwear with the thick ass elastic waistline. Ugh girl...your underwear got dick holes in em.

Dudes. As well...its cold outside. V necks? Seriously? Sad the measures yall taking to be cute for these individuals with the slit in the middle. Seen a dude standing at the bus stop today near Howard...cold as shit. Insisted on wearing a members only jacket. Its hard to spit game when you have the flu homie. - three cds I've heard in 2008.

Wanna know a song that I bet you didn't know was on my ipod? -------> New Edition - Hit Me Off


Okay...I'm done.