"Mmh, are you about to cum baby"

Tuesday, March 31, 2009
"I'll fuck you fast, I'll fuck you slow, I"ll fuck you til you tell all the other bitches you know."- Bohagon

Fellas, this is for y'all. I'm done giving out our information to the women, it's time for you all to listen. Right to the point.

  • Fuck her like you hate her. They like that shit. 9 times out of ten their parents didn't give them ass whippings when they were younger, so they werent disaplined as a youth. This now is your job.

Don't ask them if they are about to cum. That aint none of your concern. Focus on three things.

  1. How to make her squirt. All women are capable, and the longer you strive for the goal, the better. You wont be the first man to make her cum, and an orgasm may be striving too high. Especially if she's not your girl. Giving a woman that's not yours an orgasm is pretty much stamping she ain't going no where. We will get to that later. Make her leak.
  2. Prolonging your nut. Yes, its possible. My method is whenever my chest gets tight, I start chanting Will Smith's "Men In Black" song in my head. Reason why, is because its the only song I know will fuck up ANY situation. Its not cool, and will possibly make you penetration better. Especially when you get to the the part when he's like "Now everybody just freeze". This is KEY!
  3. What she will tell her girlfriends. Don't believe all of that "I dont discuss my sex life". I know women, and I know one thing that is important. They need to feel like they have the greatest dick on Earth. They wont tell their BAD and sexy friends, but they WILL tell that friend that none of her male friends fuck with, or that girl that nobody finds attractive. Because she knows that friend will go back and tell the masses.

These three things will make the sex that much greater to the point the next time you sleep with her, by time you take off her socks [depending on the woman, she may need traction... or just conceal the fact she aint had her feet done in weeks], she will cum. Point blank period.

Things NOT to do:

  1. Don't tell her how good it is. Yes, she is going to ask. She will moan "do you like it". Focus. She will wonder why you aint answer. Its a trap. Because soon after she'll put the poosie death grip on you and break your dick like a kit kat in a fat mans pocket. When she asks, stroke harder. She should'nt be talking no damn way.
  2. Don't ask for a round two right away. I'm working on this. I'm personally tired of women giving me the shocked face because I've came and am ready again before she can clean off. Give her a break. She needs it. Meantime go down on her, they seem to like french kissing down there... [Dont be a Menace voice* MESSAGE!]
  3. Kiss her after the deed. Dont give a damn if y'all been together for years. Go tot he bathroom, brush your teeth. She dont want to taste her own pussy. No matter if she think she taste good. She'll probably serve you right if you go brush your teeth, and come back to get it in again.

Tis All



  • ladebelle

    first off, i should never be laffing this hard sitting at my desk.

    secondly, i'm standing and applausing and demanding an encore as i type my number to tweet it to you...lol... jk

    but seriously, i HATE when a dude asks if i'm about to come. uh, i was till you scared the cum away with your question. AND that shit is a major turnoff. i mean, i don't wanna have to stroke your ego while i'm tryna get you to stroke my pussy the right way... just focus and everything will cum correctly.


    i'm happy someone finally understands...

  • Sunshyne

    ^yes girl, dont be askin me no questions!

    if u doin ur job u already know the answer, I think some of yall do that on purpose cuz u know we cant talk though lol

  • simone_dior

    lmao@ the men in black.. this joint just made my night. heedamnlarious