It's Easier to make her a Baby Moms than it is to make her a Wife"

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The topic was brought up about "Living Single". Some say its settling for less, some say you settle for second place. But I feel like you should'nt. Short blog. Lets run it.

Have some of you come to the realization that you may NOT get married. You may NOT find that lifetime partner to share errything with with? Shit sounds sad as fuck but it's a reality not many are willing to accept. Yes, its cool to be under 25, living the Party Life, but at the end if it, How does this reality make you feel? Like how does the thought of growing up with nobody to call your own strike you?

Granted, I'm twenty two now, and a lot of women have started the process already, have a child or two [in some cases more], and I've come to conclude its easier to find a baby mother than it is to find a WIFE. Reaching 25, us men go through our 1/4 life crisis around this age where we wont settle, meanwhile sometimes not want to settle down. Hence why so many single mothers are around.

Marriage is like a lifelong goal of being rich and famous. Everybody wants that picket fence, that golden retriever, the pool in the back yard. But everybody wont get that shit. Why?

  • Many people are selfish as fuck

  • Even more rather push at blackjack when they have 19 and should fold

  • Some find marriage as a social standard.

I do agree with Interim, as her and I talked about this situation, and how she doesn't want kids, nor does she want to get married. I can deal with one, but both, no. You can live with your 39 cats if you want. At LEAST a child should suffice. I'm not calling her lonely for the future, but some people rather take over your life forever, and not deal with the labels and documents and the "quarrels" that come with a marriage.

As a woman pur it, and I quote: There is also a reality when men want that lifelong partner, and the feeling isn't mutual with their lady. Men can be old and alone too

This is true. No need to argue.

My man said the shit perfectly: Who wants to be 50 with a BUN?

Not saying your life is DOOMED if you are single, not saying that at all, meanwhile I can't see a life spent with you and your money being nearly as fulfilling as having someone to share it with. That or just being a "man or woman of preference". Pam Grier gets a pass for being single and 60, but how many people YOU know want to die next to an empty plot? I know I dont.

Before the debates start: The success of the marriages ain't the topic of the blog. Like....that's a whole other can of worms because fact is.....divorce shouldn't eem be an option if you got married for the RIGHT reasons. Many have been married, or plan on getting married for reasons like:

  • They see it fitting since they've been together with the person for so long its the ONLY option to keep them to self.

  • In the best interest of the family household.

But NOT to be happy.

Key quote: "Its sad when DIVORCE scares people from MARRIAGE"

Just want to get views and opinions about this topic. Feel free to speak your mind. [if any of y'all READ for the CONTENT, or just the LAUGHS...Clearly this aint a blog of humor.



  • ell bee.

    i've definitely had this conversation with people before, and it's definitely a thought i've had...i often question why i'm thinking about it at 22 when there are so many other things i need to get together in my life, but why not think about it? as you said, who the hell wants to be 60 with a bun or a boyfriend? what kinda shit is that?

    it really actually bothers me to think that i won't have someone to spend the rest of my days with. i want to have that mutual partnership, friendship, intimacy, love, happiness, etc etc etc that comes with marriage, but you are right...the idea of divorce does scare people from marriage. it crosses my mind sometimes simply because i'm a child of divorce, but i'm determined to not let that happen to me. i'm determined to get married for the right reasons and not let anything, anyone, or any situation come between me and whoever my future husband might be.

    and it's refreshing to hear a 22 year old young man actually talk about marriage without shuddering at the thought.

  • mstrecie

    WOW...this blog touched so close to home it is ridiculous. I am 23 with one child, who doesn't see marriage in her future. Most men are repelled by the fact that I am a single mother and that I come as an instant made family. I had hopes of marriage....then I had my child and your vision changes and when it is corrected again, the picture you had before you has completely changed. What you thought was there, was the total opposite.

    It frightens me sometimes to think that I may not have the chance to experience what my parents have and that I may a female whose obituary won't contain anything about a husband, but I don't stress it. I used to be crazed with the idea of marriage, I had to be, not so much. And I am still struggling to see if that is a bad thing or a good one.

    Great blog!

  • once you are dead...will you really care that the plot is empty next to you? of course not.

    society norms force people to feel the need to get married. the pressure of looking "alone" while your friends are married with 5 kids is too much for some people to handle.

    as i've said before, marriage is just like a college diploma. most of us went to college, came out and didn't learn shit; but we are validated as doing something good with our life b/c we have our diploma that SAYS we learned something. same as a marriage license. it's just a validation from society that says that you have "graduated" into the realm of real adulthood...with children and bills and a husband/wife. it's really just a way to make people a statistic.

    i have nothing against marriage. i have plenty of friends that are engaged or already married and i'm proud they made such a big step. to each their own. i just think that people shouldn't look down upon those who don't value this piece of paper...that some of us don't need it to define how much we love someone.


    I feel each and every person that commented. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I've always lived in the fantasy world where I thought once I hit a certain age I would find the man of my dreams and live with him happily ever after. That dream is slowly fading now. I want the happiness that my parents and other family members have but a lot of young adults do not seem to see the value in settling down. I had discussions with several different people in the past few weeks and a lot of them said that at 22 or 23 a relationship shouldn't even be on anyone's minds. I guess this kind of mentality is why 44% percent of black women over the age of 40 are still single and by the looks of my generation the statistic is about to get a lot higher. My dream has faded some but I'm still trying to keep it alive.

  • Untouched Jewel

    I would say this about myself: at one point in time the thought of being married was a wonderful thing to me. Now since ninjas ain't got no kind of act-right about themselves, I guess my hopes of being the good woman who gets wifed up is definitely out the window. I'm not gonna stoop myself down to desperation to find someone who will love me and my children for who we are. If I get married, great. If I don't, that's just one less headache I have to put up with on a daily basis.