Last Night @ Ultrabar: Bartenders are bastids. You heard me, bastids.

Woke up off a non existent hangover. Picture that. Well....not exactly but fuck it. let me explain why Greg will NO longer drink...at clubs.

Bartenders are some bitches. Especially rookies or jaints that think people won't tip them.

- I get to the bar and say "fuck it...ts happy hour...three dollar drinks...I buy five." one for me...four for some friends I went to school with.. $15.
- when my boy arrives get me and him a midori, his boys the specials....$22
- get one last drink for me and my boy...pussy juice. $20

Final Tab= $68.00

Lesson Learned: Fuck a bar, liquor store.

Mind you I'm supposed to be self absorbed...but I'm generous with it though. Fuck it. ONE day somebody gon be nice. I know plenty people I've got drinks for. No prollem...forward. I see a light skinned girl. We stare each other down majority of the night. Tried to figure out who she was because she was with a female that dressed like a nigga. I wouldn't go and call her gay just yet because all honesty if you took away the baggy sweater...I'm sure the titties sit upright. Cool. Needless to say we stared back and forward but at speak. I wasn't approaching to hear that she's with her girlfriend. Prides a bitch...and I be fucking her.

So I see a friend. I speak, state my name and shit, wow! She's beautiful too. Won't fake...I looked at her body too (sorry Paris) but after my glances I stopped she and I both agreed it was wack around the time. I personally waited on someone to dance so I could groove and break being uncomfortable. Then I see liquid leggings.

Everybody know liquid leggings by now and how I feel about them. So I see her but aint really want to speak...so I just look..she looks back...then I see her phone...blackberry storm. Bam.

Me: your jaint running slow?
Her: yeah what about yours? (shows
her phone)
[extra nonsense leading to exchange of Pins and numbers]...

We in the same area for the rest of the night so we talking on and off. She asked why I wasn't dancing. I personally aint want to say that she was one of few that looked damn good so I just said I was scoping and talking shit from afar. So she gets in front of me and dances. Two thumbs. I'm praying she don tell her girlfriends what DID happen though. Ill tell yall since you asked though. Granted I adjusted myself prior to the dance..and sat it so it would lay on my thigh. Just incase the alcohol fucked with me and I had a hard on...which happened. I wasn't embarrassed...It sat on her back. No harm no foul.

So...I see two beautiful face-ded light skinned woman. Now normally light skinned don't strike me but they looked familiar. Like I saw them off Facebook. So I decided I'd do what is done to me twice already tonight...ask who they are. So I walk up to the tallest one I guess because the one a tad bit shorter was lost in the crowd.

Me: excuse me..what's your name?
Her: name given.. What's up?
Me:
confused, isn't your name like Barbie something?
Her: nah that's my cousin
(points to her) I'm perfection on facebook.
Me: okay I'm greg *pause
...walks away.

Wasn't much else to say...felt like an ass speaking and saying the wrong name. Forgive me love. But you and your entourage get the award for best looking. And Barbie...umm yeah...my friend agree...yeah. Perfection too. Your parents blessed yall. Your kids kids will have good qualities as long as they don't fuck nobody three shades darker than me. I'm dark enough.

Marcus, happy birthday and all that good shit, nice meeting you. Was a party once all the shrek jaints found the dark corridor to hide in.

White folks...HOW do yall get in the club with vans with dirty ass laces? Yall got it great. (look at picture)



Yes the camera phone was out. I came prepared...yall came looking jive ugh..I'm almost hurt a tad at the sight of this.

- Marcus...your thick brown skin friend with the white dress...wondrous. Don't worry...I took a shot so you know who I'm talking bout. Didn't take a picture of her face of course...but you catch that drift....



Okay...the white people are coming...I gotta go be corporate...forgive me. Fin.