Boundaries are for Squares. Open up your Inner Circle.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

So, I was reading a blog on my favorite buddy's blog: "The Boundaries Blog"

Feel free to read that blog, because I have a reply to it. Fellas, I try to have y'all back, but at the sake of argument, some shit is fact, some is fiction. So our cards will be pulled. Read on"

First lets break down what "Talking to is".. in retrospect. A Mans version, and a WOMANS version of what she THINKS are his reasons. Granted if someone TELLS you they are trying to get to know you, its stationary they are attracted to you. What people, both male and female forget to realize is we have ENOUGH friends. At this point in MANY of our lifes, we know who we CAN and CANNOT consider to be a friend. I personally feel the term friend is thrown around to blanket the fact that we don't want the person to play any other role in our lifes.

Example: He trys to talk to you, you tell him you see him as a friend. He follows suit and allows you to see him as a friend, in return for a broken heart and a second best label.

Outcome: He will STILL continue to like you, regardless of the men you being attracted to coming in and out of your life. Legitamately, he wanted to get to know you for the woman he saw, not the woman you could become. <--Think women need to re-read that.

What SHE thinks about Getting to know YOU: 1) Exchanging numbers 2) Go out here or there once a week or every two 3) Light convo, likes an dislikes 4) Still figuring out what role they will play

What HE thinks about Getting to know YOU:

  • Exchanging contacts

  • Explaining his reasons for chosing you/liking you

  • Taking you out to prove he's worthy of your time.

  • Basic questions every man has asked you, that you're probably tired of re-itterating.

  • Suming up what role hes applicable for.

What SHE thinks about Talking to you: 1) Talk to them DAILY or try too 2) Your spare time is OUR time!!!3) We're in LIKE next transition maybe L@??! 4) Where do we stand what's OUR we have one? Could he be THE 1?

What HE thinks about Talking to you:

  • He assumes talking to you means he is exclusive. He knows men are in and out of your life, but hes at a postion high enough he can't be replaced. [usually the vital point where dudes get comfortable and fuck up with inconsistency]

  • Talk periodically on a DAILY basis. Dont call and talk for hours because you should know enough to form an idea of their personality.

  • Knows your +'s and -'s.

  • "Here We Stand" complex. Wanting for, but the feeling may not be residual.

I personally think its FUNNY when a woman thinks the reason a man talks to them is because of the things he stands to gain from talking to them. I talked to a girl that swore up and down that I wanted sex from her at all points of the day. So what she would do is dangle it in my face, meanwhile having me handcuffed so I couldnt grab it. I'm not sure if she was fucking someone else, personally didn't care, but I got to the point where me "getting to know her" was going nowhere but to the "friendship" bin. As a resource, I continues "getting to know" other women, and played the odds. To her dismay, she felt as if she was the only one could play that game, yet I was supposed to stick to her and just her..because she wasn't clear on what she wanted to become.

The thing some women do not understand, most men genuwinely want to get to know you for the minor things collectively to become something major. Its a 50/50 thing.

[Pardon me.. My co-worker came in acting as if I was supposed to help her. I'm blogging. Go thaddaway].... Moving right along. Ahem.

Women instantly get intimidated with the term "I'm trying to talk to you". When a man says these words, his intentions to her are crystal clear: hes trying to bun her, hes trying to fuck, or he's trying to be a mix of both.

So when a guy uses his own safety net as says "I'm trying to get to know you" it has more of a cushion for a woman, because she can take the ability to twist his words and twist them for her benefit. Which is decent because you should try to have the upper hand. Cool. So when he does show the LEAST amount of interest in whats between your thighs... Fellas, expect to hear "I thought you wanted to get to know me"

This is simply her way of saying "You can get to know me without spreading my legs". Wholetime she could be having sex with someone else that doesn't even know what classes she took this semester. [even IF that that was one of your "getting to know" question]

Men: When you tell a woman why you want her, tell her everything up front. If you met her, liked her attire and how it fit her, tell her. Shes heard shes pretty before. If she can't handle you being real with her and saying "Look, I like how you look physically, I dont know how smart you are, but in time I'm going to learn." She will take that better than you telling her "you like her because she seems like shes intriguing". 12 times out of ten she KNOWS that her body is vicious, and wore that attire to get the attention that you gave. Just so happens you SPOKE on it.

Women: When a man is honest to you. Accept or decline from the get go. Tell him "look, I'm not attracted to you, you seem like an individual worth knowing, but I have no intentions of showing you the same courtesy". Period. Its basic psychology. If you tell a person what they NEED to hear the first time, they cant be mad at the fact you went out of your way to show no interest. This also works when you decide you are going to show them even the SLIGHTEST signs of flirtation. Keep shit platonic from get go. ALL the overnight visitations, the undivided attentiveness.. makes men believe there is interest there. Show none, of make it clear from the 0:01 second you meet. Problem solved.

MEN: (again..Since women have pussies and hardly deal with rejection as much): Dont dwell off the fact you cant have her. And don't go out of your way to show that you can do better. Make a woman worth your time happy. Its better to continue "getting to know the woman your talking to", then re-reading the DATING INSTRUCTION MANUAL and starting from scratch in repetition.

Tis' All.


  • Queen Of Hearts

    Ok this can be perceived as a Male version of the Rules and females are just being allowed to tune in. That was a lot to digest in one sitting so I'll take it little by little. What happens in the case of role reversal? Oh there is a window of opportunity and for whatever reason the man/woman misses it? Where is the clause for that? As well, this is all well and good if both parties are following protocol, but what happens when you mix in a good bit of dishonesty a little bit of grandstanding or throwing sex in way to early?? Hmmmmm what you say is valid but every situation is subject sensitive. And as we all know some people are just more comfortable going through something before they start asking or answering the hard questions...

  • that one

    So this was a lot to read and a good amount to digest, but I can definitely say I agree with this. I feel that a lot of females also feel that their vagina is just so top of the line that there is no way that any guy is actually trying to get to know them, however I also know of some guys that are so stuck on stupid they swear every female is trying to be exclusive with them when the female genuinely has no interest outside of friendship, however I feel that to an extent it's more a blow to a girls ego when a guy says, no foreal, I don't want to have sex with you.

    On another note, I appreciate the bit about being upfront from day one and not confusing people about what you feel, but I feel like you only addressed this as females flirting with guys, what about guys flirting with girls when they have no interest? I feel like in many ways that can be more detrimental especially if the act actually occurs.

    Overall this was a good post, def should send this out to a couple of my female friends who need advice on their sorry love lives. lol. =)

  • Tupieta

    Interesting read.

    It all boils down to what you said in the end. People spend to much time with "rules" in dating. I try to stay as open and honest as possible. Some dont agree with my way of doing it. I just hate wasting my time. I'm open about what i want and my expectations. If you dont meet them I will tell you. I expect the same. Rejection doesnt phase me b/c honestly I've dealt with it before. I'd rather go through the rejection than to waste time with someone who knew they werent attracted to me in the first place.