Trick Or Treating.. Getting me some coochie for the weekend.. OWW

Okay... Its Halloween...the tricks are treating. Wearing the tight body outfits for tonight.. and I'm so amped for it. The one time out of the year all the ugly women can dress up as they normally do, and still get a pass. Also.. the one day out of the year for men like me to say vulgar comments to all the naughty nurses and maids. Someone is getting the goods this weekend.. I promise you this. Fuck this celibacy shit.. Friend sent me a photo of her halloween costume.. And my lord my Jesus.. if we hadnt been friends for years.. I'd definetely put work to her abdomin. Oww Oww Owwwwww

Want to see my attire for the evening?



Bada BING! (my new shit.. dont steal my shit either). Stepping out getting blown tonight.. regardless. YE DIGGGGGG?

Anyway... Big girls... Word to the wise... Costumes that WONT fly for y'all tonight... French Maids... Cops... Strippers... or anything showing stretch marks in places there shouldnt be. If you have to apply three coats of cocoa butter to the back of your knees... Please... dont show them tonight... Understood? I love me a big girl... But please wear the attire made for you.. okay? When you seen a 260 pound French Maid in Paris? Dont worry.. I'll wait. But I will say what MAY look cute on a thick one tonight though...



Owww... Yes. Show that titty meat baby! Look like you just faught Manny from Ice Age in that costume big girl. Work it. Oww Oww Oww.


(this is a NO NO)

Niggas.. Especially if your going to be at Adams Morgan tonight... Please... The Scream, Jason, Texas Chainsaw mask are like real... 2002. Six years ago. You will NOT.. I repeat.. will NOT pull any bitches looking like you really just went to CVS thirty minutes before and bought a mask. A little more effort is needed. Besides... when did Michael Myers start wearing High Top Jordans and blue jeans? Egg-act-lee.

I actually want to go as T-Pain... but its not the same without the Vocalizer. I'm trying to walk around talking shit like "Yayaaaaaaheee Yayyyyyy." Now that I think about it... All I need is the Dreads, top hat, the vest, and the colorful shoes. Jaint would be tough... But I would burn these clothes the next day though. lol. Real talk.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/86a76df842/tpain-v-his-vocoder-from-tpain
(Click the link.. Its funny)


Anyway.. I gotta post the video of the dudes that be going around the city dressed like Jerome from Martin. COMEDY. Anybody DONT have plans for the night? Let me know.. We're making it a party for the night. Me and my compadres. (Angel... GET EM..). Cant wait to see Jasmine's outfit..Bada Bing! I gotta be drunk for this event. lol. I'm liable to pull me a white girl tonight. Bout to be baby Westley for the night. lol. White girls with trunks in the back, not the front... beware.. because I'm coming at you like facials in a porno.

I never told y'all how my week was did I? I really didnt do much.. But I spent some time with a friend of mine last night at one of the best movies I've seen in a LONG time. (Independent jaint).. Yes. Laughed the WHOLE time. lol. Hopefully they had as much fun as I did. *Fuego*

Oh.. I have the new T-Pain cd if anybody wants it... BEST cd I hear in a while. Y'all going to stop sleeping on that man too..

http://www.mediafire.com/?tvqmnjf20mm (enjoy)

So.. what is everybody else going to be for tonight? I'm curious as to see/hear. If you need approval of mine.. Feel free to email me your attire.. MrBanau@vzw.blackberry.net

I will evaluate accordingly.. Possitive feedback. All my plus sized ladies.. feel free to send too. Shake that jellayyyyyy!

Oh... Forgot to mention this too.. Lauren London may have a replacement... Yes.. I said it. I fell in love with Joe Buddens girlfriend after watching a video of her on worldstar... ass sitting right chere... make me wanna bite chere...Dominican jaint too.. Owww. Bout to start hanging out in Silver Spring & Wheaton more often. Get me one of her. So if your Dominican and your reading this... Tell your friends.. I'm on the hunt..

Caution: bad Bitch Alert:




Anyway.. I'm done.. Had my fun... I'll be back soon.

All I stuff I DIDNT get to on Monday... I guess..

I know people have been paying attention to politics and the videos I've posted the past couple days. Let me first say this. And its going to sound farfetched, and borderline racist. White people need to cut this hating ass shit out. Now granted...I'm still kind of mad some black peoples only reason for wanting Obama in office is because he's black. Meanwhile....what are five reasons to possibly want Mccain? Everything this man campaigns about is stated as a lie. People fail to realize one thing...He's a communist, a fasist, as well as an advocate for bisbanding religious and ethnical believes. I haven't been real vocal about this shit because its not my place to dictate who YOU will vote for. So let me tell you MY reasons to why I'm voting for Obama. First off..to get it out of the way. When I look down my family history in 20, 30 years, when my grandkids are asking me about voting, and if I voted for the first black president, I will not be letting down not only them, but the legacy that I proceed now. Secondly, Obama has had the most closesly watched, and fully structured campaign since I can actually remember Presidential campaigns. Regardless of the dirt trying to be placed in the path, he drives ove it without smugging his own tires. Even though as a senator for his state...I can say this. He looked out for other ones, and made allies with them. Something major as a Senator. Which shows he can communicae efficiently with allies in different country. becayse you see how Bush goes about his shit. Blow em up, or shoot em down. Tactics? Not much. So these are just a FEW reasonw why I say so. Everyday this week, and until the 4th, I'll give you particular reasons, good and bad..and you can set your bar higher or lower.

But...on another note...my weekend. Fantastic. Friday I went out with my twin (same bday), and a host of her friends (now mine). Who said you can't have fun at Hawk, right? Party all night. Drinks were nice (I promise you...I drunk Sprite all night...). I got a couple text messages during it, so if I said anything nasty or borderline offensive...apologies. Thanks Kiera for taking 48 hours to post the rest of the photos too....

I didn't get to see Saw V...but I heard the shit was horrible. How far can you take that movie though? Like Jigsaw died...The crazy white chick...dead. Meanwhile in all these new movies...Jigsaw knew all the new peoples names and all. Maybe I'm reading into it too much...but fuck that.Guess I need to call my bootleg man.

White people...its 51 degrees. A peacoat, flared dress pants and old navy flip flops...and a visor? WHERES THE FUCKING sun at? I thought I came out the house in some wacky shit...but damn. And the crazy thing is....we get a lot of out fashions from y'all and call it our own. So I have a question. Just need someone to answer it. Why don't my favorite white people ever get sick? Shit...if I leave the fan oscelating too close to me in the summer, I end up sneezing and coughing. But y'all... Man. Can were wifebeaters and shorts to shovel snow...sure you turn pig pussy pink...but no symptoms of illness at all. I'm kind of jealous about that. So feel free to elaborate on that please.

Black people...its OFFICALLY scarf season. Thank God. I didn't want to break out all my skarfs like everyone else was doing...rocking theirs with t shirts, no jackets. High five!

Anyway...Saturday...I went back out to the lounge....and I have to say this...I'm still disturbed at the thing I talked about in my status. Never in my days have I seen anyone pass and share a patron shot. Funniest part...they sipped it through a stirrer. Moral of this story: if you poor...drink water, or just stay in the house. Or get a drink in your budget. If malibu & pineapple is all you can afford...stop there. Don't ask for straight Henny. Hate that shit. I know people who go to Open Bar at these nightclubs and think spending 50,100 dollars to be TIPSY is cool. Then you have the people I hang around. Angel, Dee, Jaren, Jose (still a bitch ass nigga, but he categorizes), and whoever else...drinking prior to the club. I personally don't like tipping some bartenders. Unless I'm having a conversation with them, and make friends with them... Tip is minimum. What I need to tip you for when I could just come back there and make my own shit?

Random thought....Seen a pair of clit huggers (lesbians) kissing in route to work this morning. Man. Before I die...I'm going to have intercourse with a female who is a sworn box lover. Then again...I just may have had that in my life... Shhh.

Oh.. Sunday...Vs Steelers. IN there. Next game Vs. Dallas... IN there. Dee...pops said he gotem (Dallas)...how you going to act? Upper Suite Level...All you can eat. Owwwww

Oh yeah... I'm 4-3 in pool also. (Told you I'd tax that ass, came back won three games straight though. Oww. Rematch needs to happen soon.. Drinks on me. (They know who they are). Dont blame it on the beer this time... "you cant rewind THIS dvd" lmao.

Nov 5th may be the most interesting day to be black ever

PITTSBURGH (Oct. 24) - Pittsburgh police say a McCain campaign volunteer made up a story of being robbed, pinned to the ground and having the letter "B'' scratched on her face in a politically inspired attack.

Maurita Bryant, the assistant chief of the police department's investigations division, says 20-year-old Ashley Todd is being charged with making a false report to police.

Todd, of College Station, Texas, initially said a 6-foot-4 black man robbed her at knifepoint Wednesday night and then cut her cheek after seeing a McCain sticker on her car.

Earlier Friday, police said there were "inconsistencies" in her story and gave her a polygraph test.
Among other things, police said photos and bank card information from an automated teller machine where the college student claimed she was robbed do not show her using the machine at the time, police said.

Pittsburgh police spokeswoman Diane Richard wouldn't release the polygraph results, but said, "we're still looking at some inconsistencies" in the woman's story.
Police said the student, Ashley Todd, of College Station, Texas, who is white, told them she was attacked by a 6-foot-4 black man Wednesday night.

Among the differences in her accounts are whether she lost consciousness, whether she remembers handing over money and how the man assaulted her, police said.

The report of the attack Thursday prompted the Republican presidential candidate and his running mate, Sarah Palin, to call Todd expressing their concern. Barack Obama's campaign also issued a statement wishing Todd well and hoping the attacker would be swiftly brought to justice.
The Associated Press could not immediately locate Todd or her family.

Ethan Eilon, executive director of the College Republican National Committee, told reporters that Todd worked in New York for several months before moving to Pennsylvania two weeks ago to continue working for the group.

Eilon declined to comment on the investigation Friday or to help The Associated Press contact Todd. In a follow-up e-mail, Eilon said, "We think this girl has endured enough and that this is going to be something for her and her family to work through."

Richard, the police spokeswoman, said police have pictures of the victim and her injuries, but are not releasing them. She said they are "more or less" consistent with a picture that has surfaced on the Internet that show a woman with a black eye and a red backward "B'' that looks like a welt or scrape on her right cheek.

"It's not like her cheek was carved out," Richard said. "It's more like a scrape or a scratch."
In her initial account, Richard said, Todd attempted to use the ATM when the man approached her from behind, put a knife with a 4- to 5-inch blade to her throat and demanded money. She told police she handed the assailant $60 and walked away.

Todd told investigators that she suspected the man then noticed a John McCain sticker on her car, became angry and punched her in the back of the head, knocking her to the ground and telling her "you are going to be a Barack supporter," police said in a statement.

She said he continued to punch and kick her while threatening "to teach her a lesson for being a McCain supporter," police said. She said he then sat on her chest, pinned her hands down with his knees and scratched a backward letter "B'' into her face using what she believed to be a dull knife.
The woman told police she didn't seek medical attention, but instead went to a friend's apartment nearby and called police about 45 minutes later.

Police have reinterviewed Todd at least once since her initial statement, Richard said.
In the subsequent discussions with investigators, according to the police statement, Todd said she was accosted as she approached the bank and fled her attacker, fell to the ground and the assailant began beating and fondling her.

Police Cmdr. Larry Ross, who is in charge of the police precinct where the attack was first reported, said Todd's story has continued to change.

"I guess she elaborated more when she went down to the bureau headquarters. She added other things to it that we didn't have at first, that she didn't tell the initial officer," Ross said.

You know... It aint tricking if you got it... right? C'mon now

Okay, I don't know what the fuck it is about facebook that gives people a dose of superpowers, but let me go straight at it. First....niggas. When your browsing people friends lists and shit...check the name. I went to sleep at 115am. Woke up at 805 to 12 new invitations from dudes. That's the new hottness in the streets? Old caped crusader ass niggers. Yes! I have 3000+ friends. So if we have 217 mutual friends...so what. Stop trying to add me to 'steal' my friends. It won't help you get more bitches. Develop a strategy. You live in Ohio. What you going to possibly do talking to someone from UMES? Hmm...

Females, I will admit.. I was tricked yesterday. Randomly added someone thinking 'okay, she's normal, taking photos with her friends.'. Clicked add...so she accepted. But lord. Come to find out she was the one all the way in the BACK of the photo. The jaint that looked like Eeyore with heels on. So maybe that's my mistake in taking chances on it. Hmm..

Anyway...last thing I want in my life is a dirty ass friend. I'm sitting there with Ashley watching movies.. And I get a call from somebody. Jose. 'So...you ready for this weekend nigga! Where the bitches gon be at tonight?'

*Click*...Dial tone.

Fuck is this nigga malfunction? Better recognize me like I look familiar. *Obama shoulder dust off*

Women with kids. Do me...GREG a favor. Beat them. Not everyday...but just once a month. Remind them who gave birth to who. See a gangster ass 6-year old ake the sandwich out of his lunch box and toss it on the ground and say 'ugh mommy'. Some gangster shit to me. Almost dapped him up for a second. Funniest part was the reaction of the mother (who was black). 'Pick that shit up and put it in the fucking bag before I whip your ass. Bad ass motherfucker. JUST like your damn daddy.'

Why he gotta be like the daddy though? You got knocked up by him. Now he's the worse nigga on the planet. Like I have a second mind just to ask if the women on my friends list were in LOVE and just went Raw...or if the condom broke. (Music from the Nuva Ring commercial plays in the background). Friend of mine told me 'we always went unprotected, I trusted him, and we had lil man as a result'.

Maybe I'm partial to waiting until I'm 25 to have a child. But accidents happen I guess. Just my personal opinion that women needed more Cabbage Patch Kids as a child. A pet hamster or something. Kids are a lot of work. From what I see. And the last thing I want to be saying in my prime is 'well...I would go out tonight, but I need a babysitter.' YIKES.

....Okay. Everybody do me a favor. Move your head as far as you possibly can forward.....how it smell down there? Reason why I ask... Wash your ass. Its 9am. Why the fuck your private area smell like you been playing full court basketball in the rain? SOMEBODY on this bus dick or vagina smell like moth balls and mayonaise. Its not hard to wipe front to back. Its even easier to take a wash cloth to your anatomy. Takes one of my pet peeves (besides women with ugly feet).

Its supposed to rain all saturday... Have to come up with a plan. Anybody care to share.

OKAY... Now I have to say this....for Lil' Wayne to be Money Over Bitches...this nigga sure does fall in love with every box he sticks his dick in. She's just a random ass jaint too. Lol. Now granted even I would fuck her blindfolded on a warm day with a rubber & boots on. But still... Nigga invited her on tour and everything. Then had a baby by her. Haha. 'It aint tricking if you got it right?'.


I wonder what the kid going to come out looking like though. Seeing as Wayne looks like Whoopi Goldberg with a mustache, and she aint no Lauren london (wub)...The babay prolly will be gorgeous. I guess its true two ugly people make a cute baby. (Minus Dream and Nivea...crikies). Congratulations Wayne. You've officially made it cool for all rappers to impregnant their groupies. I idolize you.

...Random thoughts. I got a couple calls, texts, and messages regarding my notes on Sunday too. If you feel like I was categorizing you, and talking to you inparticular. I was. And I have no cut cards about it. Don't try to make plans with me THIS weekend. Its Morgan's homecoming. Go THADDAWAY this weekend. Thanks. People who give second chances consistantly deal with failures. I opt out of that.

....Its 2009. PLEASE..I beg you. PLEASE get a phone bill. 'I got 13 minutes left on my phone, I'mma call you sunday after 3.'. Lol. And a boost mobile is NOT a nextel. Know the difference.

...Beyonce... *smh... Thighs is on 100 in the video. But still... Fuck you.

...If you drink ANYTHING this weekend. Drink.... a truth Serum. Sheit will change your life. *head nod*

New sex positions for the year 2009. Feel free to read.

Figured new year is coming soon. And i'm sure you and your partner have been trying to do some new freaky things. So... Without further wait... Allow me to show you.. the 09 sex positions & names:


Now first off... I know you all know...

ex.
dirty sanchez:
sex act where one smears dookie under the nose of one's partner by application of the penis in the form of a mustache following anal.

tossing the salad:
anal oral sex


One that's new to me:

Strawberry ShortCake

When you bust off on a chicks face and punch her on the nose, making her bleed...


But this is the NEW shit.


Rusty Trombone:
The act of a girl eating out a guys ass and jerking him off at the same time.

Dangling Chandelier:
The act of a woman laying on her back, with her legs above her, and the guy on top balancing himself on top.

Cleveland Steamer:
The act of taking a dump on your partners chest / mouth [serram wrap is optional]

Candy Cane Kiss:
The act of eating out your partner after releasing your load inside of them while they are on their period.

Donkey Punch:
Inserting your penis inside your partners anus, and right before you orgasm, give them a swift punch in the back of the head, it will cause their anal cavity to tighten, and increase pleasure while you orgasm

The Houdini:
Penetrate your partner doggy style, before you orgasm, pull out and spit on their ass, once they turn around you orgasm in their face (also known as the "now you see me, now you dont)

Gonzo:
While your partner sleeps, you pull out your package, place your testicles over their eyes, and let your penis flop over their nose

Snow Mobile:
While you penetrate your partner while she's on all 4, pull her hands back from under her, and have her face smack the bed / floor / pillow, have someone take a picture, and it will look like you're riding a snowmobile.

Pink Sock
This is the result of excessive anal plundering; the intestines actually exit through the anus, forming a dangling mass, resembling a pink sock.

Ride The Bull

When you are pounding a chick in the ass, reach around and grab onto her titties and yell "I HAVE AIDS!", then try and stay on as long as you can.

Bucking Bronco:
While you're doing your partner doggy style; purposely say her best friends / sisters name. As she tries to push you off, try your best to stay on.

The Pirate
When you are about to nut, kick her dumd hard in the leg and bust in her eye. Thus the jumping on one leg and her cupping one eye

The White Dragon
thats when a girl is sucking your meat and your about to nut and you slam her head down onto your shit..and have the cum spray out of her nose

Tombstone Nut Buster- We all have watched wrestling one time or another. So you grab a shorty and turn her upside down then stand up so she sucks you off and her feet is in the air. Then when you about to bust a nut you just drop her on her head.

Mid Air BJ ( Plane Needed )- While you convincingly tell your parter there is nothing wrong with this. You get her to sign up for sky diving lessons and when you jump out the plane you get her to suck you off while floating back down to earth..

Birdie-Style- You start off in a doggy style position. Then from there you put her legs on your shoulders and then insert penis, then grab her by her arms and just pump away

the spider-man:-Cum on ur hand and sling it at her face in a web like fashion

eiffel tower - when two quys are hitting it from both ends and they hiqh five each other over her head looks like a mock eiffel tower

Eyes wide shut: Blowing your load on a chicks face [mainly on or around her eyes, which would cause partial blindness] smacking her hard as hell [face or ass], and run to hide in a corner with a camera [optional] and watch her try to find you.

The suicide bomber- While recieving a blowjob tell your girlfriend that she is the worst fuck ever, and that she dosent know how to please you.

ralph macchio sperm a chicks tits and rub it in with the head of your dick sayinq wax on wax off wax on wax off

auschwitz dutch oven a chick while qettinq head - qas em til they pass out

muff trumpet eat a chick out and blow real hard into her muff then press her stomach down and make her muff toot like a trumpet

Snowball- when a girl goes down on her guy and he cums in her mouth, then she goes back up and kisses the guy and dumps the load back into his mouth

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY WEEKEND. *You put YOURSELF out there*

Told myself I wouldn’t do this... But yeah... I lied. Let me start off right. If you one of them shiesty motherfuckers that aint answer calls or text all weekends, but decided to call Sunday thinking shit was sweet... I’m telling you now... Get lost. Pretty much stamping this and making it clear. I made a few calls to some folks seeing their agendas and whatnot. Weren’t too busy to change that facebook status... But too busy to answer? Fuego. New news for old fools though. ESPECIALLY the jaints that came in from out of town. lol. All week. "Oh yeah, we definitely have to get up". Told you in Fridays post. Sunday is football, and relaxation. Don’t come at me talking about can we still get up. Nope.

Oh... I realized certain someone I know personally just up and deleted and blocked me off this jaint though. Serious much sweetheart? I thought it was quite childish. You got mad because of what you seen on me and a mutual friend’s wall, so you went, reading our wall conversation. THEN... to top that off... you seen another female name and got hot about it? Come on shawty. We can all do better than that. Make matters worse... you tried to KEEP the one mutual friend I talk to on the regular as a friend so you can keep tabs on what I'm saying. Type shit is THAT? Facebook got you tight knot in the brain sweety. Anyway, hope is all well on your side. Regardless of the shiesty shit you pulled, you’re my friend end of the day. You’re free to unblock me whenever you see fit. Only children play games, and it’s been years since I heard a recess bell. You comprehend? Thumbs up.

Jose. That was some true bitch ass shit you did too son. I'm hot bout that. You SITTING with two females at the bar... and you mad cause I aint bring MORE? Fuck type nigga is you slim? You already basically tried to force fuck Morgan. But now you acting like a skirt because the spot wasn’t up to your standards? THEN... make matters worse... you have us drive to UMD to Thirsty Turtle, thinking me and Jessica were sitting in a long ass line? Lol. Got me fucked up like sex on the ceiling. I can’t even fuck with you no more slim. You’re another nigga cut off like unpaid light bills.

(Adrienne... thanks for taking time to go to the game too. Glad to actually see you for once. lol)

SIGH... What else.

Oh... that bitch ass bartender that was working at the spot across from ESPN Zone. I hope everything negative that could happen in a 24 hour span happen to you. First off... you don’t disrespect no female by throwing money back at her. She helping your fuck ass out. Talking bout "I don’t want that". You were close to getting a glass to the temple. Calling the feds won’t get you saved all the time slim. You probably can’t even see this... But yeah... Amy & Dee know what the situation is.

So... about this weekend... Howard Homecoming. First let’s start with the Fur stories I've heard. Dude friend of mine ended up calling me telling me how he fucked some chick from Fur. Come to find out... homegirl BOYFRIEND was at the spot the same night. Followed them HOME. Sat outside... yes... sat OUTSIDE while his girl got knocked up. When she strolls out... the nigga goes at who? My boy. Slim... Your broad... at clubs... Not only getting drunk... But LEFT her homegirls, to go home with someone else. Pretty much stamped that she aint in the right mindframe when it comes to terms of you. Charge it to the game. if shes a cheater.... he beat her, but you wanna keep her. Mistake you made: Not strangling her ass.

Another Fur incident. Broad in a purple skin tight dress, and silver heels. I wasnt even there and got the text message. *shaking my head*. You THAT drunk, calling UP steps, ass hanging out your apparel? Where was your entourage when you needed them? I WISH I could send the video in. But with my luck... your on my friends list... *sigh*

Slumber Party @ Republic. Literally SIX people came in pajamas though? lol. No further discussion....

Nigga hanging out at the Mcdonalds @ Howard------Come on... I'm coming from WORK... and all I hear is "well fuck you then bitch". Or "You can have whatevaaaaaa youuuuu likeeeee girlllll". Despiration is at an all time high before 2009. First off. It was 53 degrees out that spot Friday night. Not only are you NOT pulling any females... But you're freezing... while stunting. What female you think is taking you seriously posted sitting on the Washington Post Newspaper stand trying to talk to them? How about you take the Job Section out while you sit there, and at least TRY to get on your job though? Bet you'd get taken seriously.

The half dressed females walking the Howard Strip--------- It was cute as shit walking about in them skimpy outfits wasn’t it? How your feet feel? Better yet, how’s that cold? You know you’re anemic. Fuck you outside without a jacket for? The logic babe. The logic. I have some cough drops and cold medicine for your baby. Class this week is going to be a bitch.

Personal "balling" friend of mine... You spent 100.00 to get in love? Son. I HAVE to be you in another life. Sorry I couldn’t be there though. I’m on a budget. Hard out here for a pimp man. Recession got my pockets on decline. Heard there was a surplus of loose booty at Love Saturday though. I was personally out at the Caps game. (Thanks Dee & Amy)


Anyway... won’t make this longer than it already is... But basically if you got brand new over the weekend... or in general. Fuck everything you stand for. That’s how I'm going. Don’t know WHAT it is about the weekend, THIS past one that has people feeling like they can walk on hot coal and not get scorched. I'll continue tomorrow more than likely. Figured people were winding down, so I'd post tonight.

Oh… To the female that called me (You know who you are).. Why the fuck did you EVEN bother calling me? You spent all your money all weekend, then thinking I was paying for a movie with your happy go lucky ass? HA! Somebody must’ve misinformed you. You cant get a MATINEE out of me at this point. Your lucky I aint call Verizon and tell them I aint accepting calls from you. Yeah, be mad that I wrote this too. I’m on some brand new shit. Calling me talking about can you borrow $30.00 cause you only have $10.00 and you wanna get a ticket for Love. Stop living out of your means.

---And dont park in front of Nini's damn house no more either!

--Tracey...You+me= butt naked mud wrestling. You know you wouldn’t fight me. Your heart is softer than Charmin. Let me stop before I start. Just know that yeah... You and Jessica are my favorite Howard personalities. Never met y'all, but it'll happen. (Tell Jessica stop tripping off whatever the situation is too. She has me. Owwww).

Everybody has "options", question is, whos the "priority"? Hmm...

So, I was propositioned by a female to talk to her. Cool, whatever. Granted she's cool, and she stepped up. But wholetime, she has a dude that's in her life that she won't kill off. Obviously either they're fucking, dating, or for some reason dude can't take the hint that she's going to live her life. Granted, she asks how many women I'm talking to, and how many I'm seriously pursuing. And I tell her. So she's like 'Greg, you can't expect me to take you seriously when you talk to a bunch of females".

Beg my pardon, but I feel as me being single, and long as I aint sticking dick in any and everything, I'm doing a damn good job. Starting to think people are more so comfortable with thinking they are the only person.

Fuck that....she HAS a dude she won't stray from. Pause... Not only does she have a dude... But she likes females to. You can't sit there and keep homeboy, and expect me to buy a dream. You got me fucked up like sex on the ceiling. Ye dig? Especially since I know you out here mouf kissing the same sex, wholetime. So she gets in her feelings about it, saying she don't play second to none besides family. *Retarded Eye Movement* Lauren London come before you. My best friend comes before you.

What has people so damn confused these days though thinking they can play the odds game, yet they can be only be the only one? Let me get this clear and understand. I flirt with the best of them. So if you have a man, and you go and extend your hand, I'm going to have respect about it, because I know for a fact, I have the option of keeping my hand in different pots. But people on this facebook shit are real extra. I've noticed it with a few females on my friends list. Yes I talk about sex. The shit is great. I curse excessively, and I have a habit of moving on quick. But there are some women on here that try to challenge that.

Scenario: I'm on my blackberry yesterday, talking to a female I talk to on the regular, about the same subjects I talk to her about on the regular.

-- Sex
-- How her day was
-- Music I'm listening to
-- Weekend Ventures.

Granted the four topics we talking about all could be relative to sex... But in this conversation, it was brought up while speaking on weekend ventures. I asked her what she was getting into; she's saying she's hitting some parties for Howards Homecoming. Cool, whatever. So me, I'm like 'fuck it, you going, I'm going, makes it a match.". She comes out her trapper like 'well, long as you know I got a man, so aint no fucking."

'HOLD ON....Let me change my swaggggggg' (Soulja Boy Voice).

Had brakes pumping off the statement. This the same jaint that sent me late night imagery the day before. Not even on terms of fucking... But until I mention that I want to put dick inside you that night, don't assume. And if I was tripping hard enough, I would've been like 'so you going to try that full split on the dick trick' you were telling me bout?

But I'm not petty. Anyway... Another subject. Niggers...and bitches. Women, boys, men, girls, whatever you want to be called. Its Howards homecoming. But understand this.

IT’S 72 Hours long. Don't change your life regimen off no 'weekend with Diddy'. The man comes EVERY year. Meanwhile, I've seen personalities flip like shit in the past two weeks. Boy called me like 'Ay man, my youngin from NYU is coming up here this weekend.' I told him 'don't get hyped unless you partying with her. Because she won't call you or be bothered until Sunday. I know this from personal experience.'

He didn't understand, so I gave him the rundown. Homecoming is the one weekend out of the fall semester women can go out and act a fucking fool, and have no regrets. They know niggers are going to flock, but it’s not of there concern. So he was like 'well, this my main jaint though, imma spend time.' LIES. So he calls her off the humble like 'You want to spend some time Friday'. Of course she tells him she's hitting parties. He asked her about Saturday... Yet another excuse. So...only day left was Sunday. You know what slim tells him though? *tips off hat*

'Well, maybe Sunday'.

That's French for... 'I aint trying to diss you, but *neyo voice* 'Get up, get out aint thinking about you.

Now he calling me on some 'So where you heading for the weekend.’ I told him my moves. And he's coming too. I have no problem with it. Same time, back of my mind I'm like 'I know some females done that shit to me as well'. Hence why I wrote it.

--Otherwise, Sunday I have two club seats to the Redskins game. Y'all choked last week. *Cough* Cardinals.... But if you wanna go, putting it out there let me know. I'm also going to the Touchdown Club part, free drinks and food. Can't beat that. (Denise...tell em, I don't fake) no wolf tickets.

Angry Baby Mama Syndrome. (no.. not Lauren London).. Read........

Figured I'd go head and speak on htis subject. I been real inconsistent lately, dealing with personal shit. *sigh, whoosah*. But im back up. You ever had one of them bad weeks that consistently got bad, then you get one good thing that happened to you, and change the whole thing around? Well, I'm still waiting for that happen. But nevertheless, I have to keep the party going. Anyway a girl sent me a message regarding her boyfriend, baby father... whatever the case may be. Its a lot to read, but you graduated from 12th grade, so I'm sure an extended constructed response isnt too much to read. Trust me.. It took me 30 minutes to really form a response to this.

The Message I recieved:

OMG, I'm so fucking pissed right now. I need to vent. I want these evil thoughts out my head. Wish they were not there but I can't help it. My son's father is fucking ass. He got damn nerve to try to convince me to drop the damn child support by insinuating that we will get back together when he feels I show him enough fucking respect? After he broke up with me he took me to court five months later. But that was cause his fucking mother made him. Not because he wanted to because all he wanted to do was hit the club, and work on his fucking music going nowhere real fast. He didn't want to see his son. No that required to much work. His mother did want to see him though so she started getting on his ass. Then he blamed me for wasting 10,000 dollars on a lawyer? Shit, the only reason there is a child support order is because he fucking took me to court. Like I didn't also have to waste thousands of dollars on damn lawyer too. Oh, I forgot he questions paternity while going to court. Never questioned it before and he never had reason too. He goes 10 months claiming our son and then all of sudden he says oh I don't think its mine? He fucking signed the birth certificate I didn't force him to. He cut the umbilical cord. He wanted him to have his last name. And of course I let him it's his son and I didn't need a fucking DNA test to tell me that. And he asks me to pay the DNA test too. FUCK NO. I never cheated on him. I was 100% faithful. I disrespected him? Are you fucking kidding me? He was the one that cheated on me. While I was taking care of our new born son he's meeting bitches behind the fucking dumpster? Then he fucking lie about it? Like I don't know? Then when I confront him with proof he still lie through his teeth? And I didn't respect you? I spent hundreds of dollars on each one of his birthday. Took him to VA beach each birthday we were together even this last birthday when we weren't. Paid the hotel, paid the food, bought him clothes, paid the gas, everything.

I admit I am not perfect by a long shot but I tried everything to keep his ass happy. And he want to do me like this? Shit I was suppose to wait 6 weeks before having sex with him after having our son. I was cut down there then stitched up. We was having sex a week and a half after having my son. Cause he wanted it. And I did it cause I wanted to keep him satisfied. Can't say the sex was bad either. We had sex everywhere. And I do mean any and everywhere. It didn't matter where or what time. Shit, I'd leave work to meet up with him just cause. He didn't have to ask twice he got everything he wanted in bed. He never complained. Cause it was damn good. Now that I think about it that is probably only thing that went right in our relationship. I fucking went to college full time, worked part-time and took care of our newborn son every night and still studied and did my school work. But he couldn't come get our son because he was too tired to come to my house. Instead I fed our son, put him to bed, and did my work. I woke up during the middle of the night to feed him. He rolled his ass over and went back to sleep. And even when I spent the night at his house I still did all the work. And even then being as tired as I was I still made sure we had sex at least twice a night to keep him satisfied. Now he wants to say these prayers when he sends me text messages. He doesn't even go to church. He went to our sons baptism in April but before then he went ten years without stepping in a church. And he want to preach to me? Hes never even read the bible. How can you preach words you don't even follow.He thinks he is God's gift to women. He cheats on them. Has them believe they are the only one and he has like 5 of them at the same time. Telling them the same things.

Then fucking random bitches hit me up asking about him. Getting mad at me cause he got to pay me child support and he doesn't have money to take them out. He want to talk about respects. He is fucking 26 and still living at home with mama with no plans to leave. And no he doesn't have an excuse. He didn't go to college so he can't use that. He has no reason to still live there. Well maybe most people would stay home to if mommy paid the bills for them (using there $ of course not hers), made everything all right, cooked, clean, etc. Shit when his mother needed to pick up medicine from down the street from his house he couldn't take her because he was too busy working on his music. Her other two kids who still live home and also did not go to college (ages 23 and 25) didn't want to take her either and they all have cars. So she calls me and I drove the 10 miles from my house to pick her up and take cause none of her own kids would. Then I went back home. Thats 20 miles to get her medicine and her all her kids with cars were home but wouldn't take her.I got Kevin, to apply to Lincoln Tech because he wanted to be a mechanic. Then they tell him that he needs to take a math test. He didn't know fucking division and multiplication. He felt so bad he wouldn't get into the school because of that. I spent several nights teaching him the stuff u learn in elementary school so he can pass. And he did.

Then he drops out of school blames it on me being pregnant and tells his entire family that. He did not drop out for that. He dropped out because he was failing all his classes, could write a one page paper on electricity so he stopped going. I kept his secret though and let him say he dropped out because I was pregnant and not because he didn't want to tell his family he was about to flunk out. I helped his ass so much. SO MUCH and he says I didn't respect him? He tries to use things against me. Make it seem if I do what he wants that he will get back with me. I don't want him back. he is worth nothing to me any more. He was just a fucking sperm donor to me now. That's all he could do anyways. Then he gets mad that I refuse to drop the child supports. Calls me a gold digger. That's his son and its his responsibility too. So now hes mad because he has to pay $707.00 dollars a month and the government takes it out his check so he never sees it. So now he says I can't afford to pay my car or my phone. Fuck, that's not my problem anymore. He's not my man and I could careless if his mother kicked him out because he can't pay rent. Fuck him. Fuck all of his family. Here is the evil thinking again. I'm not going to write what I really want to say. It's wrong. I know it. I just can't get these thoughts out of my head. I don't want to physically hurt him and go to jail as much as I want to. I am not crazy. I got mu son to raise. I can honestly say I never hated somebody as much as I hate my son's father right now. I could go on but I would never end. Plus I'm tired. I just really needed to vent. Any advice or comments?? How do I get rid of the negative thoughts.

-------------------------------------------------------------

First off... you need to cut the angry woman syndrome out. If you were comfortable with the niggers issues from the beginning... dont go bashing homeboy now that y'all arent together anymore. DAMN.. thats a lot of shit to read. Christ. I thought I wrote autobiographies, but whoa nelly. If you feel you've done enough for this dude, then you should get him up off his shoulders and make him do for himself. Fuck... I cant even match this one here. But child support though? I dont believe in it. Remember that night you got knocked up? Why all of a a sudden, now that yall arent together, its important to go and go to court? Especially if hes trying to take the kids out and be a father?

Whats wrong with being 26 living at home? Would you rather have a dude thats struggling to pay his own rent with a job at Foot Locker? Or a dude that is saving up his income to buy what he WANTS, instead of a bachelor pad? Seems like reaching for the moon to me. Honestly this is more so a bitter rant and rave to me. Damn, im writing this while reading, and seems like the further I read.. the more shit I learn about him. YOU GOT PREGNANT by an aint shit nigger though? What were YOU thinking? You layed down that night knowing for a fact he was about as useful as a lambskin condom. 707.00 in child support? CHRIST! What the hell type pussy you got making someone pay a whole damn check? But seriously. I dont know how to really go and speak on this subject. This is something that has to be discussed. I have no kids, so I need both women, and dudes to reply...

Should've Put a Ring on it? This madness going to end now.

First off... if you havent seen the video....

http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhZMpPgowM87xDHDTQ

I repeat

http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhZMpPgowM87xDHDTQ


Swear it’s already getting worse than the Lil Wayne quotes. Seriously. Grown ass women out here chanting 'should’ve put a ring on it'. Now are you talking about a ring on your finger, or around your damn eye? I find it funny, because just like last week, females were chanting 'I'll buss your windows', now this Beyonce bitch comes along and for some reason, women are empowered. Don't give me that 'oh Greg you’re hating, it’s a good song'. Shawty is bitter. Your favorite rapper pissed me off enough talking about how many bitches he's fucked, or how much Kush he smokes. So this is no different. Real talk.

Any woman that has to tell a man she deserves a ring, aint doing a good enough job. The fucked up part about it, is a married woman is singing the song, telling y'all 'hey....I did it, so it’s acceptable to get a ring'. Beyonce has officially stabbed her career in the heart with record. You already took the Ciara route with the 'I want to be a boy' type songs... But then to continue these ranks for single women, trying to empower them? No fuego.

Now there's going to be women all over the globe seriously going to fashion boutiques, getting themselves a ring, and talking bout 'should’ve put a ring on it'. I'm kind of confused at the fact not only are you single, but you’re telling your ex... Or whoever they are...that they should’ve wifed you when they had a chance. Are you smoking cheeba or something?



Just when all was right in the world...one song flips it right back in the wrong. Men and women were getting along, families were starting, people popping out kids, and feeling good about life. Obama may win the whole nine. Then bam....Beyonce come out 'Go head girl! Get that ring'.


So now it’s going to be dudes thinking its cool to wife the first thing they see. And women are going to start getting platinum e-harmony member accounts, trying to get a ring. My question to you....what makes a woman worth a ring? Better yet, what makes a man decide to go and look for the ring? Remember Diana Ross, Aretha Franklin? These singers had pride in there music. They didn't have to re-remix there music for it to sell. Seems like Beyonce is trying to compete with Keyshia and Rihanna now that they've been caking off Beyonce's success.

It’s already hard to believe that Beyonce is only what, 27? I think that's impossible. Solange is like what, 23, 24. I'm 21, and when I was in middle school, beyonce was at LEAST 19, 20. That was 99. So she lying bout her age too? Possibly. But who you know stays the same age while everybody else getting older?

---'Can you pay my bills'? Because I'm an independent woman. BUT... I wanna 'cater to you'...Why? Cause I'm 'Dangerously in love' with you. Yet... 'Don't think your irreplaceable', in order to 'get me bodied', you gotta 'put a ring on it'. And just maybe she'll be your 'suga mama'.

Swear this woman is confused as hell. What's a woman’s worth anymore? Maybe I'm reading into it too much, and it may just be 'a song'. But as much as women contested songs such as 'Tip drill’ and Bet Uncut type songs....this is like 20 steps back. If women want to be held to a higher standard, they shouldn't have to 'tell' a man the things they should do for them. There are plenty of women out here now doing their job, keeping their man....and doing a damn good job.

So if you 'can find another me in a minute'....why should I even consider pursuit when there's more than one woman willing to compromise and keep her morals and standards.

In conclusion...Beyonce, coming from a grown, mature, gorgeous... Married woman such as you... You could do a whole lot better. Don't be like the women who were 'hot' before you. You see where their careers went. Prime Example: Mary J. Blige

Remember she was all breakup songs, all soap operish? Now I'm not saying go and switch up. But act your age. I expect this out of Keyshia. Fuck that, I expect this out of Blu Cantrell, Jasmine Sullivan, and anyone else that has done a song produced by Ne-yo. But your talent is being wasted. Slowly. You can do better. So in the words of Hov...

You lost one...one...one.

But.....




Diamonds and pearls.

Dont play in the garden, and dont smell her flower....

Man, aint nothing worse than somebody lying about their sex. I've heard it all.

'My shit get like...faucet wet'.
'I've made dudes cum quick off the goods'

Or even dudes.

'I beat it up, had her snoring after I finished drilling it.'

Sure, some people do, but all in all, don't lie on your dick. Let me tell you about this fat chick I had intercourse with. Yeah... I fucked a big girl, what? Sue me. So... She was hyping it up to be something fierce. And me being under the urge, I'm like 'okay, well show me.’ And she did. Man, if I had more thumbs...I'd point them south. That's how bad it was. Now granted, I've had a couple of them nights where I do in for the kill early, but this one.... Had me stunned.

First off, missionary was not going to work. She did entirely too much moaning and talking. Don't tell me it’s my pussy. We aint dating! This just a knockoff sweetheart. Find a valentine for the leaky heart approach. So I'm on top (obviously), and she's doing the most. Moaning, squirming around, the whole shebangabang. (Not praising my dick, but she was OVER dramatic, I hate that shit). So I'm telling her calm down, she's messing up the groove. So we switch positions to doggystyle (word of the day...Doggystyle...oww).

I'm going from the back, and she tries some of the wildest shit I ever seen in my life. Tried to give me a reach around. If you don't know what a reach around is.... That's when you’re fucking and the girl or guy goes while penetrating, reaches around and tries to play with your ass.

PAUSE. I aint playing with your ass (LITERALLY), so don't dare play with mine. Making matters worse, she messed up my white Von Dutch Shirt. (I'll post a photo). She's like 'ooooh looooord pull out'... So I'm sitting there thinking 'this bitch fart, I swear I'm getting dressed and leaving, hard dick and all'. But whole time, I back up, she squirts, and drenches my shirt. Shit is NOT cool when you have to go home afterwards. Then she said the worse thing... 'Let me ride it'..... Excuse the shit out of me? Sweetheart I'm 148 pounds wet or dry. Unless you riding passenger from the rooftop, only thing you getting on top of is this mattress.

Don't try doing shit you cannot. Big women... Stop trying to put your legs behind your head. Skinny girl tricks aint for you. Same with them.... When we going from the back, stop trying to throw it back and looking back at it. Focus on the wall. I got this here. Hate that shit.

Dudes...please, please, please stop lying on your dick. These girls out here thinking they are knocking dudes out the park in the bedroom. Use whatever tactics you got to use. When you feel like you about to let loose, cough pull out, eat the pussy and put it back in. Or if you want to be less conspicuous, twirl it inside her (circles). That, or think about the worse possible outcome. Babies. Bet that will slow you down.

A female I know quickly put my ego to rest in the bedroom and told me something I'll take with me everywhere. She put it so plain, that it should be tattooed on my arm. 'Pussy aint going nowhere.' Basically she was saying 'take your time with it. So since she told me that in 11th grade... I no longer rush.

Meanwhile, I will say this...you can't make love to everyone you do it to. Ladies and dudes both, if they are a one night stand, treat them as so. The most they get is 15 minutes. If they have no label, hit em with it, and pack em up. Cut that kissing on the neck leaving your mark on me. I'm dark skinned, it won't show sweety. That's why a lot of these dudes out here got kids. You went out your way to stay in the pussy two minutes longer than you were supposed to with that side joint..... Now you developed yourself a baby...or worse.... A stalker.

So me and a friend of mine get to talking yesterday, and she gave me a topic I thought needed to be discussed. 'The Call Back'. Lol. I won't disclose too much, but basically she got a random phone call from a dude.... Yes...a dude, telling her to stop messing with his dude. Lol. Laughable. Funniest shit I've heard in a while. Now dudes are calling, checking up and whatnot? Didn't we discuss going through peoples phones trying to find dirt and such?

First off though... Bi-sexual men? Ugh. But I digress. Wait...bi-sexual men though? What the fuck do you get out of fucking someone in the ass? Like does that turn you on or something? All the woman womb out on planet Earth and y'all are fucking each other? *Shawn Wayans from 'White Chicks' voice* NEVERRRR. An ass is a nasty place. Any man that even participates in anal anything needs their tongue stapled to the top of their jaw.



Because y'all out here now trying to fuck women in the ass. INSTEAD of the pussy. You ever thought about the logic behind that? Say she ate Chipotle that day. And you fuck her in the ass that night. You just poked not only a dirty asshole, but you fucking processed foods. Moral of that story is...she shits out of that. If leftovers don't wanna stay in there, why the fucks do you? That's just MY little two cents on the matter. But hey, I'm a Martyr.

Random thoughts-

--What ever happened to Jason Weaver (the older brother from 'Smart Guy'? Dude CRANKED that Chingy 'One Call Away'
--Vibrating condoms= Heaven. Yes indeed.
-- Redskins losing Sunday. Y'all beat all the high caliber teams, and then lose to the worse. Just like the Wizards.
-- What ever happened to Teedra Moses? Her cd was actually good.
--Blackberry Storm= YES.
--Halloween Coming up.



Vote.

I know who I am... But... who are you?

Okay, dont you hate when people always say "well we need to get to kjnow each other". Then ask you the most redundant fucking questions in the world? Simple dumb shit like "whats your favorite color?". Thats noway to get to know me. I have many people thinking these blogs are just my personality. Trust... you really do not know me. And I'm sure if you did, you'd realize I'm far from average. I've been blogging three weeks strong, and never actually opened up to let you know who I am as a person. So.. without further waiting.

Ahem... Welp, I generally refuse to try and describe myself in less than 10,000 words, but here goes. I enjoy random and useless acts. Im currently in college. Big deal, right. I break sunglasses quick, dont ask why. I usually forget where the remote is the next day, only to find out it was right in the bed with me. (hate that). Im not for sale, but feel free to donate money. I drive, but I dont have a car. Yeah.. Im a metro rider, sue me. I've never been able to whistle for some stranger reason, either. I dont like tomatoes on my burgers, but ill eat Ketchup. (sad case, right?) I fart, burp, sneeze,a nd shit, just like any other human being. Family Guy, CSI, and Martin may be the best shows known to man. I hate the Redskins for being inconsistent year after year, and i hate the Cowboys just because of being rivals to them. I try to see the best in people even when they show me their worst. I make a point to meet people and make them smile. So smile damnit, I aint playing. I make it a point to tell people the first thing that comes to mind, even if it offends them. And yes, I used to sniff glue and stick pennys and m&m's in my nose as a kid. I like fireworks. But I hate gunfire. Im pretty sure aliens and zombies exist. I've had conversations with a few. I'm rude when I wake up in the morning. I dont press snooze, i rip the plug out of the wall. (take that).

If I see a penny heads side up on the ground, I MUST pick it up. Not for good luck, but to keep my bad luck in check. At 21, I think i'm starting to go deaf, attributed to the fact that I MUST listen to my music at the highest decibal I can possibly get it. People that are PC piss me off, your never going to make everyone happy. Im the biggest smartass I know, I don't think it's possible for me to go 2 mins. w/o making a sarcastic remark. I have no patience. I appreciate people trying to help me, but get pissed off when I know I can do it faster... And better. I can't stand people that try to be SO fucking differant, because they think, though they say differantly, that it makes them cool. Someone once told me I was too smart to be a democrat, I told them to kiss my ass. I think Im an excellent dancer... When Im drunk or sober. I make up my own words. And add extras to alot of them.

People tell me Im very mature for someone my age. When I get around my family, I act like a 10 year old. True story. Besides drinking, shopping's my drug of choice. I have an addiction to fitted hats. I wouldnt go back to Africa if you paid me. I eat horribly greasy things, and maintain decent weight.Fast metabolism and excercise does the trick. I am an extremely random person, as if you could not already tell. Random is one of my favorite words. I have the innate ability to confuse the hell out of people and to be frank, I love that about myself. I am likely to name my children based on the fact that it sounds cool in the "name game". I have always wondered that if we really did evolve from monkeys, then why aren't there half monkey women walking around. I have always had the aspiration of moving out west and becoming a gynocologist to the stars. (Kim Kardashian... Oww). Sometimes I wear socks during sex, so i dont slip on the wet carpet. (ooh). Often times, my laundry schedule depends on my supply of clean underwear and socks. I have been known to throw away and buy new stuff rather than having to wash it (dishes and clothes included).

I am dyslexic (ha-ha, I spelled dyslexic right). I play tic-tac-toe by myself, and write my own name just to remind myself of...myself. I don't think there is much of anything that is better than sitting on a front porch during a thunderstorm chilling with your significant other. I am a firm believer in living life to its fullest and never settling for normal! I believe that you are only as happy as you choose to be, and I choose to be happy. With that being said I have almost begun to wonder if there will ever be a female who accepts me the way I am. I will not change for anyone and I don't expect anyone to change for me! There's so much more to me, but Im tired of hearing about myself.

Now, exactly who are you?

Hard Dick while dancing in the club; Orgasms for women.. Part One

Well, alrighty. Today isnt a "blog". its more so a question type approach from me to you. Topic is going to be about... Sex. Obviously. Its on my mind today, so Might as well go ahead and speak on it. Just some shit I need to know from both dudes and females.

Question #1

Ladies, what's the MOST amount of orgasms a man had "given" you in one sitting. And no, if you finish up, go get cleaned up, and go back at it again a half hour later that doesn't count. I'm talking one session.

Questions # 2: When dancing in a party/club or whatever do you:


• A.) Feel a dude's wood


• A1.) Mind it (perhaps even like it?)


• A2.) Stop dancing with a guy because of it


I've never heard chicks discuss this and I just wanted to know what ladies think about this, seeing as how it has to happen often.

Okay, let me go ahead and explain why I asked. I had a conversation the other day with a female friend of mine about dudes in the club. So I asked her does she get mad when dudes go and get stiff while dancing with her. Of course she said "she uses it as a tool to see how big the dude is.:. I found the shit to be funny because in all my years of partying and dancing, I've seen some shit happen. I remember a lights out house party I went to in the 10th grade like it was yesterday. This is when Sergios and all that were still in their "LAST" year of being trendy. Seen a female freaking the shit out this girl. Phat as all outdoors. And me being the nosey nigger, I'm sitting there looking like i'n supposed to be next in line. Granted the only lights that you could see were cell phones, and the radio the music was coming out of. So midway through watching them dance, I notice... this nigger pants down past his knees. I bust out laughing like "are they seriously fucking?", wholetime the girl still got her jeans on. So end of the party, lights come on, she walking around, and come to find out.... homeboy done nutted all on her jeans. And it didnt help that they were black either. lol. Wanna hear something worse? Found her on facebook a couple days ago. (So if your ready this... lls. Sorry. I'm sure you noticed it when you got home)
And I know in my early teenage years i used to be embarassed for gettin hard so easily ( i still do if she aint got no clothes on... Oww)... i used to think maybe im feenin to much or somethin... i would stop grinding so hard, or look up, or think of something else so that my dick could go down... and between dances i would move my dick over and other things.

few years ago i just thought to myself FUCK IT!... im at my prime... theres nothin wrong wit bein hard... first of all you're young... second of all its allllllll hormones baby! testosterone is a meaaaaaaaan mofucka. it shoulda be a good thing if you get up quick... i aint afraid to admit that.

with that bein said, im not hard for every dance... only if she reaally grindin and in my head i wanna do more then dance....


Nowadays, if you get me hard... Bless your soul, because you are doing a good job. I can dance (ask around) so you gotta put in work for me to rise.... lol... my have i grown up. She'd like it though. lol

Okay.. Answer these questions... this is part one of the post. I'll have part two after the meeting.

SO.. All us men aint shit now? Let me stand up and speak for us.

Okay.... This note is in reply to a friend of mine who wrote a note last night. Her note was very grimy. Found it quite funny, but I'll elaborate in my response.


HER INITIAL POST:

N-gags ain't sh-t. For real. I ain't bitter, no. I'm just not dumb. I got homegirl after homegirl hittin` my jack up tellin` me how dudes do `em greasy. I used to respect the game, but now in the close conclusion of 08, n-ggas is reckless and grimey. Now when I say n-ggas, I am not excluding whites, hispanics, asians, pacific islanders, american indians, or mutts. I mean ALL of you. If you got a stick and two balls attached down there, I'm talking about you. I'm just flat out disgusted with guys. I can't see myself ever getting into a relationship now. I couldn't see myself ever ALLOWING any guy to father MY child or to LOVE me. Especially with reps you guys are establishing for yourself now. I don't even want a son, cause I don't want him to end up like the n-ggas I know [of]. And I feel bad, cause at the same time, I'm conscious of the fact that not ALL n-ggas are like this, but sh-t. I'm trying to tell you, out of 50, there's 1 good one. I'm not even exaggerating. I went through my phone book and reached this conclusion. Guys have their reason for never settling down or getting married cause they're afraid of the exclusive commitment of ONE partner. And so, I refuse to wait around for n-ggas to someday potentially grow up to be MEN and aspire to raise a family just like their own mother and father have done. Now, this note is not targeted to anyone in particular I know, cause that would just be stupid to put up on facebook and I'm not worried about no boy right now. But, I just got through hearing another sob story from my sister. So, I just needed to vent. Feel free to comment. Guys [who I am friends with], I MAY or MAY NOT look at all of you like this, especially cause I'm not attracted to any of my guy friends like that, but I mean there's more guys I don't know then I do know, so I got to look at all as a whole. Plus I'm not JUDGING just putting my outlook out there, you don't have to agree with me, I'm not forcing you! Sorry to clump you with the rest of them.

Goodnight


Okay... My reply to this will be interesting, so I hope you’re ready. First of... you should never go and sub consciously say fuck all men because the ones that you pick arent shit. That’s like me saying fuck all women because of one girl’s mistakes. Sure I've thought it, but never made it something to be noticed. Sounds like someone is pretty bitter. The funny thing is... women have good men come in and out of their lives on the regular, yet feel more compelled to change the BAD ones that won’t leave them alone. Some women let their friend’s decisions and choice of men impact their decision on men being bad for them. I've even asked my lesbian friends, and even they can tell me men aren’t the problem. As stubborn and simple minded as we are, one thing we aren’t is "unable to commit". Men commit to women worthy of the commitment. If you are the type of female that goes around listening to the same friends that probably want to be in your position, instead of the man you lay under, you suffer the consequence of your actions. I hear more about women listening to their girlfriends thoughts on their man, than a dude's male friend’s opinions on their girls.





You need to balance out this shit. So let me do it for you. "ALL" of us, if we aint shit, all races, all creeds, all kinds, then you will have a miserable life. Because if you think that ditching men, to deal with a woman, who will possibly have the same issues and dilemmas as yourself is going to cure your illness... you need to get with the fucking program.

You don’t even want a son though? I need a dosage of the rocks that you snorting. Real talk. If you refuse to wait for a man to grow up, then meet him in growth. How are you going to ask for a man to balance his own maturity when you can’t even maintain your own? Just the response alone was biased I just read. So when a female makes a response such as the one above... I'm happy that the woman to man ratio is 26 to 1. Because one monkey don’t stop no show, real talk. If your conscious is telling you "all men aren’t like this"... then you should know for a fact that a good man can’t be found. Either you’re already with him, or you keep looking past him.

Let me repeat that, because I don’t think you caught that. If you think a good man can’t be found, either your are already with him, or you keep looking past him.

We aren’t the same. We aren’t transparent. What you need to do is take notes. Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. Write down everything you like in a man on the left side. Then, on the right, list everything you liked about your ex boyfriend. Now... with those results... if more than half of the items match up... WELP... you got it... Its YOU that need to do the changes and maybe try something new.

With that said, I agree to disagree with the paragraph you wrote. And if you feel all men aint shit, look at me. I'm prime example of a nice guy finishing last.

PS... Shoutout to that girl yesterday who said I was too funny to be serious. If you only knew sweetheart.

Her to me: Greg, WHATS THE DEAL DUDES HAVE WITH PHAT ASSES

Okay, I had a close friend of mind have a question about 'why are dudes intrigued by phat asses'. Personally I used to be that way, but I had to get over the shit. Bad experience. I'll explain....its kinda gross, so I'll wait until the end to explain. But all in all, a phat ass is just a mirage. We as dudes are inside a phat ass, and you can do no wrong when hitting it from the back. The wider the better. (That's why you see these wide hipped hispanic women pushing strollers in the city.) But its just the thought of having something plump to hold onto. Its a gift and a curse.


Owww!!!

I personally had to give up the thought of a phat ass because of the sight I saw. Swore it traumatized the shit out of me. Now, everyone loves a clean body right before sweating it out in the bedroom. I know I do. So she went and got all fresh, and I assumed once the shower water turned off, she was powdering up, putting sexywear on. So long story short, we going from the back, and I spread her cheeks apart (trademark, Oww)...and she must have used the bathroom before she left out because she had a fresh new ring of doo doo butter around the rim of her ass. You ever seen a tree fall straight down? Imagine how my dick felt. Swear it sounded like losing at Pacman. "Brr dun dun".



So yes, I will look at a phat ass, and I have a habit of walking past a woman while at work, and turning my head back to see if she looks just as good walking away. Its man ethics. I have just had my share of bad experiences.


So fellas, when a girl has a phat ass...watch that shit. I've caught myself saying 'I'd hit that' to some of the ugliest trout faced broads ever...all because of their prosterior. Like this one girl I went to school with. Forgot her name, but this is in middle school. Swore she was like 5'11 with an ass that I couldn't grab (which is hard coming from me). Man I swear it looked like she was smuggling Iraqi midgets in her jeans. But face was nothing to hit on, real talk. Remember Jamie Foxx's Wanda on In Living Color? Spitting image.

But ladies, you need to stop believing this mirage of big dicks either. I got friends of mine (dudes) that preach that 'put it down' shit. All loose rap to me after an incident that happened. So I introduced a friend of mine to this chick I know. I assumed they hit it off. So long story short, they fucked, and I guess she was looking for more, but he just wanted the action. So he's all in my ear like 'man fuck that shit, I blew her back out'. Meanwhile she's in my opposite ear like 'I was looking out the window the whole time.' Damn...so who's lying? My homeboy, or the girl I know.



Man reason I ask is because...y'all gotta stop this shit when y'all break up and start beefing, saying 'that's why I don't want you or your little dick'. Y'all are famous for that shit. You been fucking dude for a while now. Even tried to make a match with him. But soon as something wrong goes on, the insults fly. You weren't saying it when your legs were handcuffed to your ankles, were you? (I've done it, yes). Now all of a sudden its "fuck that man". Haha.

Dudes, you guilty as shit too. Tired of y'all acting like the pussy aint have you texting her from the club "oh baby I miss you, imma rub your feet when I get home". I see y'all. (Nobodies safe in post like this. Best of both worlds). So moral of this story is just shut up and fuck. Stop preaching to the choir. If you put it down, continuously put it down.

(Especially that nigga who keep adding me because you think me and your girl conversations on facebook wall are that serious). You nosey. She's content with you. I told her she need a man that's polite. She can't handle my demeanor. Sure you right. So quit requesting me.

Speaking of this facebook shit. To you all in these relationships. Congratulations. I'm glad you found your Fall Semester lover. But seriously...quit this lovey dovey shit. Inquire Below:

________________________________________________________________
945am- I'm in route to work, thinking about my baby boo. I wub you babbeeeeee.
1115am- I hate how much I need you babeeeee
150pm- fuck it. I told you its not like that. Why don't you believe me! Its you! Only you!
300pm- Fuck you then nigga.

(She changed her status)- 'Bonita Broad' is Complicated with Terry 'A Milli' Taylor'

742pm- get up get out! Aint thinking about you! Going out with the ladies tonight. And toasting to you anythign ass niggas!

1219am- I don't know WHY your still on my mind wen I know I can do much better!

202am- And he's still mines! We can get through anything long as we have faith!
__________________________________________________________________

If y'all are only going to be together for the semester (which is usually what happens because people show their true colors for the winter break).. Then keep your shit discreet. Your pissing us off with all of the loving shit. Single people hate this. And yes I'm hating. Fuck you.


What... thats it.. aint no punchlines.

SAFE SEX! Stop wearing a cape. You cant save everything..

Come on now...Its 2008, we all need to be real with each other. This shit is serious. STD and AIDS is a serious fucking issue, especially in our community. And even people I know are dealing with the shit. So I'll put this shit like this. If you have bodies... TELL your next sex partner. Stop fucking lying. That or get tested. How hard is it?



Yeah I know baby... I hate the way they think too.

I’m anemic, but I refuse to go untested. My doctor hates seeing me when I come in there every six months. "Greg, how many sex partners you have"... I tell her... She’s like "do you use protection", yes. "Well you have nothing to worry about"... Shitttt. Bitches aint even washing they pussy before and after getting dick. Walking around with musky nut scents on their vaginal region. Not a good look sweety. Hince why I don’t do club jaints. As much as I love to dance, and feel ass on my mid and lower region... If you got that shit... Leave me the fuck alone. I still say they should tattoo people's traits on them. So if you’re a liar.... you should have a big ass L on your forearm. If you’re a thief, you should have one finger cut off. Preferably a pinky so it’s noticeable. If you have the monkey, tattoo a banana on your neck or something. Seriously. Shit is getting out of hand. Makes me wonder what girls and people on facebook are walking around, pussy burning like skillets.


And my daughter doesn’t like that.

And dudes, I partially blame you fuckfarts. Because y'all knocking up all the GOOD women, TOO soon. Let them live their young lives. You got them sitting in the house on a Friday night taking care of your 42 chromosomes. I hate you. Like if Lauren London was to get pregnant... I swear.... I'd never have sex again. You pussy snatchers. It’s like the badder the bitch, the more problems. Either they have a twat with teeth (it'll bite ya BACK!), or they are pushing a stroller. Now... sure, there are plenty of women who would be like "i'm ready for kids". Fuck that. You’re lying. Your mother didn’t buy you enough Cabbage Patch Kids. Instead she bought you Barbies. With the ken dolls. And the shit began from there. I remember the first time I saw one of MY parents having sex. Most traumatic experience of my life. I guess that’s why I'm so fucked up to this day.

Moral of this story is... STOP going raw. Dudes stop wifing every bitch you see. Yes she got an ass and an iight face. But does that mean you should knock her up, NO. Oh... And stop believing that shit about sex partners. ASK how many people they've slept with. Dudes... if a girl told you shes only had 3 sex partners, and shes anywhere between 21 and 28, the chick is lying. Women don’t stop fucking on an odd number. Don’t believe it. Multiply that times three... and you get an accurate number. It’s nothing to be ashamed about ladies. If you getting dick, it’s not OUR problem. Of course your ass is going to Planned Parenthood for a blood test, but still, you gotta charge it to the game. Meanwhile, stop faking like you only had three dicks in your 23, 24 years of living. If you look good, you deserve more than that. You'd be better off saying that you’re a virgin than saying "oh nah, I only had three guys, and they all were my boyfriends".

Come on... Fuck I look like, boo boo the fool?


That’s right!

Dudes... I won’t say this to y'all again either. Condoms. Please Lord Jesus... condoms. If the magnum doesn’t fit you... you must give up. No homo, but I and my boys were having a discussion about this shit. Nigga had the nerve to say

"Man I wasn’t all the way right (hard) when I was hitting youngin, and all she had was magnums. I'm not a magnum nigga but I played it off. I just tucked the condom."

lmao. If you don’t know what "tucking" is... that’s when you go and basically "double" the condom. Like layer it so it fits. I've never been guilty of it... but I swear... funniest shit I've ever heard in my life. I have to start my "quotes" section on here. Because I have some lines and things that have been said in my lifetime that could scare any "normal" person. So ladies. Ask your man if he ever "tucked" his condoms before. You'll be surprised.

Random thought of the day. Subway is a cold cut sandwich. You may or may not lose weight. So please... stop going in there... ordering the fattest fucking sub... then getting a diet anything. Fuck is your malfunction? That’s like running on a treadmill while eating a cheeseburger. You’re going nowhere, fast. Fat ass woman. I mean FAT ass, woman.... walks in line before me. I’m sitting there looking down at my blackberry and shit, and I heard her say her order. "Can I have an Italian Herbs and cheese... with lettuce, salt pepper, oil and vinegar, onions, mustard, mayo, and double turkey.”

Birch canue.. You are BIG. Then had the nerve to say "can you cut it in fours?" Fuck for? Joint going down your esophagus soon as you pay for it any damn way. UGH man. I hate that shit.

My pet peeve of the day: People arguing over a Nextel.

Nobody wants to hear your fucking conversation. They invented Bluetooth, AND cell phones for private conversation. I don’t want to hear about you just leaving the court district, and Antonio not able to get the money to the building. You want your business known? Work for wall street. It didn’t make it no better that she was an average hood joint. Braided up, dark skin, frail skinny joint. Prime example... Niggers... wear a rubber. I know... that pussy is tight and moist... but 18 years is a long time. That’s 6,570 days.


Six hundred, five thousand, seventy DAYS. Not hours. And you were only in the pussy 23 minutes. I had mathematics... but that shit dont add up. So strap up. You know?


PS... Tamika... we still beefing... you aint tell me Lauren londaon was in town.

On a lighter note... This one bomb ass tattoo.

Fat women with Egos, Part Dos. (Not EGGOS either).. Thonged girl.

*Sigh*... So she deleted me. And blocked me.



I know baby... bitch move.. bitch move

You MAD though sweety? Whats wrong? Told you dont play with my lover like that. First off.. Lets get on you for a minute though. You talking about Lauren London hair. BEEEEEEEEYTCH.. You look like you have 3000 strands of pubic hair in your head. lol. You MUST have a big ass ego sweety.

Baybee you need to slowwwwwwww down. How you take pride in looking like Biz Markie's love child though? *bee bopping voice* Brr a ha ha.. a ha ha.. *r wit r wit owwwwww*


Needless to say this bitch got more sideburns than a little bit. Aint shaved in weeks. Out here looking like a lumberjack. No disrespect.. but come on now sweety. You call yourself a dime though? In what currency? Monopoly Money? Now I'm not saying I pull Lauren Londons all the time.. But ghesh.. Ever part of your life is useless. I hope you get breast cancer and croak in your sleep. I cant stop looking at them two photos of you though. But question... Why the fuck is your underwear tag on the OUTSIDE of your panties though darling? You get two wears out of one pair though? Never knew they made reversible thongs though. New to me. Pussy probably smell like dry onions and Clorox. And that dont mix sweety... At all.

How you feel bout that Mike?



I wonder if that was you that sent that first message a couple months ago too. I'm kind of happy you didnt show up at the bar that day if it was. Because aint no drink made on this hemisphere that would make me sit and have a full fledge conversation with you. Squatting in that photo.. you look like you smell like the after effects of full court basketball. What female YOU know tattoos a babyphat symbol on their thigh though? Phat what? Bitch, your one inhalation away from diabetes.

Now there is a difference between having self-esteem and over-confidence....no one says you can't feel good about yourself...just understand reality....your on the bottom of the totem pole....a last resort(for other dudes, not myself)....one of those "dont tell your boys you fucked her", type of things...Now, as with everything in life, there are exceptions...and I'm sure most of you whale-resembling females will respond with saying that you ARE an exception...ok fine, whatever helps you eat less haagen-dasz ice cream...but just understand what I said. And by now, some of you might be thinking "He's saying that because a fat chick turned him down"....NEGATIVE, never in my life have I even ATTEMPTED to speak or make a sexual gesture to a fat chick...I have a motto.. "ass so phat that you can see it from the front". But thats an ASS. This broad ugly from the neck up, and hideous from the shoulders down.

Man.. Fuck you. Fuck your today tomorrow and the next day. Your mama aint shit, your daddy aint shit, your dog shits on your carpet. and still aint shit. Your cell phones photos come out looking like shit. Your just garbage. Matter fact... you are the opposite of Oww. Bitch you are *NappyRoots voice* "AwwNaww". Go play in traffic somewhere. your a disgrace to mankind. So what you got to say about Lauren London again?

You better check yourself before you reccity reck yourself.

*drops microphone and does the George Jefferson walk off the stage*

The Facebook Honesty Box Bandit is BACK... Part Dos

Hello! Welcome back. I'll make this brief because its friday, and my weekends are precious.
"haven't spoken about you lately since your little blogs have some substance lately...mostly about me simply love it!!! oh and didn't know you felt so strongly about my opinions... love that too..oh and about that drink lol pretty sure we don't go to the same bars or drink the same drinks"


First off... BITCH...You betta recogize me like I look familiar...

See this is the type of bitch I hate. Personally. Now I usually wouldnt do this... bickering with a bitch type thing. But fuck it. Why not. This is yet, the SECOND time this birch canue done tested my patience. I have fairwarned her mother that the next time I see her, I'm spitting directly in her face. And I have perfect aim, so I dont miss. So... Lets get to it.

Mrs. Facebook Honesty Box chick.


Fuck is your malfunction, toots? Obviously I dont know who the fuck you are, but personally, you have no life. Hince you read my blogs expecting something to be said about an anonymous person. But fuck it, hell, why not. I knew something was wrong when I fucked your mother last night. While on top of her, I kept smelling a whiff of canned tuna, so I hopped off her like... "the fuck!? Why your house smell like clam chowder?" And she assured me.. "Oh no, thats just my daughter. See, sometimes she goes 3, maybe 4 days without bathing."


Thats how you rocking baby? Not showering, gettign rid of those bodily odors? Come on... *in my TI voice* "Now why you gotta go and do that love, huh?" I already asked you to come drinking with me, and you denied it. So your back to this honestly box shit. So.. Since we're having a heart to heart.. let me tell you how I feel... honestly.

Honestly, I think you are the dumbest bitch in America. Honestly, your father was a retard for slipping in moist pussy and coming out with you. You should be a stain on a bedsheet right now. Your life is a chalk line. A mystery, a nothing. What type of bitch... pause. What type of.. fuck I cant even think of what to call you. What type of YOU... goes on honesty boxes? You have a crush on me? You seen me sitting on the toilet in my profile photo and just thought about my balls dangling from your porcelin mouth or something? Because you just talking shit, just like that photo, honestly.

Honestly, I hope everything that can possibly happen bad without killing you, happens. I hope you get a yeast infection and it irritates your skin to the point where they have to amputate your legs off. I hope you run in an AIDS marathon and run right into the disease. I hope you get raped by a baby panda bear. I hope you move move to Alaska with Palin. (Well... not the last one, thats kind of harsh. I wouldnt wish that on you).

But real talk... Stay out of my honestly box. This my SECOND time telling you this. Aint no need for a next time. Besides that. I'll close this with a quote from your mother.
Say Ahhh.....

Great. Now tell me how my dick taste. So keep my name out your mouth.

Yaoww. Good evening.

Like a pair of drawls with holes, I balls out.

Alright, I had some personal shit to attend to yesterday, so I apologize. So we're back. How are you? I’m feeling good, feeling great. Feeling great, feeling good, how are you?

Before I get into it.. I want this watch. I dont care how I get it, but I want it.




First off. My molar on my lower left side is coming is, so my gums are stretching. Worse feeling in the world. Now I like pain, but I don’t want to lose my molars. I'm going to call the dentist and set up an appointment to see if I have to get them pulled or not. Only thing is I don’t wanna end up sounding like Gucci Mane. [Yahhhhhhh]. Wait... Its October 1st already? Damn. (Happy Birthday Lauren & CeCelia. I don’t normally do shoutouts, but fuck it).

Let’s jump right into it. I had a problem with an Ethiopian woman this morning. One thing I hate to see is a bitch with an attitude in the morning. Especially a D-List type bitch. Now, I am NOT Ethiopian, so I don’t know, but I've been told that they hold themselves to a higher class than blacks, and they don’t accept us. If that’s the case, let me be the first to say fuck you. This aint directed at ANYONE, besides the ones I mentioned. So if you have feelings regarding it, aint my fault. SO.... I’m getting on at my stop, and there are a few seats available, but I see one that’s closer. And of course, she's sitting there. So she has her bag in the seat. I say nicely "can I sit here". She huffs, and is like "what?" BITCH... I mean... BIRCH CANUE, you heard me, can I sit here. Don’t "what" me. Fuck is YOUR malfunction? I aint the one. So she just slides it over enough for ONE of my asscheeks to sit in the seat. I look at her and say "so, we're playing games?", and sit on the bag. Fuck you think this is. My name is Greg, not gump. I slap bitches. Fuck that, I partays.

So she slides the bag from up under me, and gets on the phone and obviously cursing me to the person on the phone. So I go right back at it. I'm talking to the dude across from us who was laughing at my approach from earlier. I'm like "this bitch must not understand, I will pull out every piece of urethrian hair that bitch got." He busts out laughing. So she mumbles under her breath "nigger"... WOWWWWWWWWWWWW





The whole bus paused; obviously they heard the shit too. At this point, I'm on the border line of slapping this bitch with a closed fist. How you going to call ME a nigger, whole time your legs closed, and you still smell like fish meat?

But ANYWAY... You know what grinds my gears?

When people fuck words up ...it makes me wish that all of the bad things in life would happen to them, and only them.

Feel free to add words that you hate to see fucked up

Mine :

bish - the FUCK is that? Fuck does that mean?

ANY WORD THAT ENDS WITH SZSZSZSZSZSZSZSZSZSZZ

niqqa ...when the fuck did the letters "G" and "Q" sound the same?

lols/lolz ...what the fuck is plural about laughing out loud ...and you're the only one typing it?

tYpiinq lyk3 dii$ ...what the fuck kind of keyboard do you have?

Hey bitches/niggas ...why the fuck did you go to school when you're not going to utilize the words and shit you've learned?



Anyway...fuck that and you.

Because some rappers do the shit too. Nigger Fab had me spelling Fabolous like is name instead of how it’s really spelled. I was fucked up for years. Getting back English papers like "incorrect word"
Anyway....alright, so im at work right now and each day my irritation grows more and more... the reason for this is because i think i have the worst luck when it comes to using the restrooms here.. Check it out... it seems like every time i go in there to take a piss there is someone in there taking a MASSIVE shit! No matter how many times a day I go or at what time I go, there seems to ALWAYS be someone in there blowing up the stalls.. First of all, I definitely don’t want to smell someone's shit when im going in there to either wash my hands or take a piss... second, its never a quiet shit either... its always the noisy kind where the dude is grunting and you can hear the turds splashing into the toilet bowl below him! ..Normally you wouldn't think much of it but when you start to realize that it happens EVERYDAY, EVERY TIME you go in there, then there's a problem... why do i get the misfortune of hearing and smelling the wastes of others? ..Is this like payback for something I did in my past? Man, im tired of the SHIT, literally... the next time that happens imma be sure to fuck with the person while they are on the toilet losing a few pounds... im going to fuck with them to throw off their focus.. im knocking on the stall door, im pouring water on the toilet paper while they're taking a shit, im messing with the handles... "Excuse me, you ok in there?"... "Need some extra tissue?"... "Asshole on fire?” ..."got the runs?" lol that should cause for some entertainment on my end... just a little payback for torturing me with that horrendous odor...

So today, went to the restroom to take a piss and guess what? YES! A dude was in there taking a shit... i made it a personal vendetta of mine to fuck with the next person that i walked in on taking a shit... so with the empty Gatorade bottle i had, i filled it up with water... i went into the stall next to the one dude was shitting in and poured water all over the toilet paper.. Dude started yelling and shit... it was hilarious... he couldn’t do anything either because he was in mid-shit. Aaahhh man... i love my job.