Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Okay, I had a close friend of mind have a question about 'why are dudes intrigued by phat asses'. Personally I used to be that way, but I had to get over the shit. Bad experience. I'll explain....its kinda gross, so I'll wait until the end to explain. But all in all, a phat ass is just a mirage. We as dudes are inside a phat ass, and you can do no wrong when hitting it from the back. The wider the better. (That's why you see these wide hipped hispanic women pushing strollers in the city.) But its just the thought of having something plump to hold onto. Its a gift and a curse.


I personally had to give up the thought of a phat ass because of the sight I saw. Swore it traumatized the shit out of me. Now, everyone loves a clean body right before sweating it out in the bedroom. I know I do. So she went and got all fresh, and I assumed once the shower water turned off, she was powdering up, putting sexywear on. So long story short, we going from the back, and I spread her cheeks apart (trademark, Oww)...and she must have used the bathroom before she left out because she had a fresh new ring of doo doo butter around the rim of her ass. You ever seen a tree fall straight down? Imagine how my dick felt. Swear it sounded like losing at Pacman. "Brr dun dun".

So yes, I will look at a phat ass, and I have a habit of walking past a woman while at work, and turning my head back to see if she looks just as good walking away. Its man ethics. I have just had my share of bad experiences.

So fellas, when a girl has a phat ass...watch that shit. I've caught myself saying 'I'd hit that' to some of the ugliest trout faced broads ever...all because of their prosterior. Like this one girl I went to school with. Forgot her name, but this is in middle school. Swore she was like 5'11 with an ass that I couldn't grab (which is hard coming from me). Man I swear it looked like she was smuggling Iraqi midgets in her jeans. But face was nothing to hit on, real talk. Remember Jamie Foxx's Wanda on In Living Color? Spitting image.

But ladies, you need to stop believing this mirage of big dicks either. I got friends of mine (dudes) that preach that 'put it down' shit. All loose rap to me after an incident that happened. So I introduced a friend of mine to this chick I know. I assumed they hit it off. So long story short, they fucked, and I guess she was looking for more, but he just wanted the action. So he's all in my ear like 'man fuck that shit, I blew her back out'. Meanwhile she's in my opposite ear like 'I was looking out the window the whole time.' Damn...so who's lying? My homeboy, or the girl I know.

Man reason I ask is because...y'all gotta stop this shit when y'all break up and start beefing, saying 'that's why I don't want you or your little dick'. Y'all are famous for that shit. You been fucking dude for a while now. Even tried to make a match with him. But soon as something wrong goes on, the insults fly. You weren't saying it when your legs were handcuffed to your ankles, were you? (I've done it, yes). Now all of a sudden its "fuck that man". Haha.

Dudes, you guilty as shit too. Tired of y'all acting like the pussy aint have you texting her from the club "oh baby I miss you, imma rub your feet when I get home". I see y'all. (Nobodies safe in post like this. Best of both worlds). So moral of this story is just shut up and fuck. Stop preaching to the choir. If you put it down, continuously put it down.

(Especially that nigga who keep adding me because you think me and your girl conversations on facebook wall are that serious). You nosey. She's content with you. I told her she need a man that's polite. She can't handle my demeanor. Sure you right. So quit requesting me.

Speaking of this facebook shit. To you all in these relationships. Congratulations. I'm glad you found your Fall Semester lover. But seriously...quit this lovey dovey shit. Inquire Below:

945am- I'm in route to work, thinking about my baby boo. I wub you babbeeeeee.
1115am- I hate how much I need you babeeeee
150pm- fuck it. I told you its not like that. Why don't you believe me! Its you! Only you!
300pm- Fuck you then nigga.

(She changed her status)- 'Bonita Broad' is Complicated with Terry 'A Milli' Taylor'

742pm- get up get out! Aint thinking about you! Going out with the ladies tonight. And toasting to you anythign ass niggas!

1219am- I don't know WHY your still on my mind wen I know I can do much better!

202am- And he's still mines! We can get through anything long as we have faith!

If y'all are only going to be together for the semester (which is usually what happens because people show their true colors for the winter break).. Then keep your shit discreet. Your pissing us off with all of the loving shit. Single people hate this. And yes I'm hating. Fuck you.

What... thats it.. aint no punchlines.