Dont play in the garden, and dont smell her flower....

Friday, October 10, 2008
Man, aint nothing worse than somebody lying about their sex. I've heard it all.

'My shit get like...faucet wet'.
'I've made dudes cum quick off the goods'

Or even dudes.

'I beat it up, had her snoring after I finished drilling it.'

Sure, some people do, but all in all, don't lie on your dick. Let me tell you about this fat chick I had intercourse with. Yeah... I fucked a big girl, what? Sue me. So... She was hyping it up to be something fierce. And me being under the urge, I'm like 'okay, well show me.’ And she did. Man, if I had more thumbs...I'd point them south. That's how bad it was. Now granted, I've had a couple of them nights where I do in for the kill early, but this one.... Had me stunned.

First off, missionary was not going to work. She did entirely too much moaning and talking. Don't tell me it’s my pussy. We aint dating! This just a knockoff sweetheart. Find a valentine for the leaky heart approach. So I'm on top (obviously), and she's doing the most. Moaning, squirming around, the whole shebangabang. (Not praising my dick, but she was OVER dramatic, I hate that shit). So I'm telling her calm down, she's messing up the groove. So we switch positions to doggystyle (word of the day...Doggystyle...oww).

I'm going from the back, and she tries some of the wildest shit I ever seen in my life. Tried to give me a reach around. If you don't know what a reach around is.... That's when you’re fucking and the girl or guy goes while penetrating, reaches around and tries to play with your ass.

PAUSE. I aint playing with your ass (LITERALLY), so don't dare play with mine. Making matters worse, she messed up my white Von Dutch Shirt. (I'll post a photo). She's like 'ooooh looooord pull out'... So I'm sitting there thinking 'this bitch fart, I swear I'm getting dressed and leaving, hard dick and all'. But whole time, I back up, she squirts, and drenches my shirt. Shit is NOT cool when you have to go home afterwards. Then she said the worse thing... 'Let me ride it'..... Excuse the shit out of me? Sweetheart I'm 148 pounds wet or dry. Unless you riding passenger from the rooftop, only thing you getting on top of is this mattress.

Don't try doing shit you cannot. Big women... Stop trying to put your legs behind your head. Skinny girl tricks aint for you. Same with them.... When we going from the back, stop trying to throw it back and looking back at it. Focus on the wall. I got this here. Hate that shit.

Dudes...please, please, please stop lying on your dick. These girls out here thinking they are knocking dudes out the park in the bedroom. Use whatever tactics you got to use. When you feel like you about to let loose, cough pull out, eat the pussy and put it back in. Or if you want to be less conspicuous, twirl it inside her (circles). That, or think about the worse possible outcome. Babies. Bet that will slow you down.

A female I know quickly put my ego to rest in the bedroom and told me something I'll take with me everywhere. She put it so plain, that it should be tattooed on my arm. 'Pussy aint going nowhere.' Basically she was saying 'take your time with it. So since she told me that in 11th grade... I no longer rush.

Meanwhile, I will say can't make love to everyone you do it to. Ladies and dudes both, if they are a one night stand, treat them as so. The most they get is 15 minutes. If they have no label, hit em with it, and pack em up. Cut that kissing on the neck leaving your mark on me. I'm dark skinned, it won't show sweety. That's why a lot of these dudes out here got kids. You went out your way to stay in the pussy two minutes longer than you were supposed to with that side joint..... Now you developed yourself a baby...or worse.... A stalker.

So me and a friend of mine get to talking yesterday, and she gave me a topic I thought needed to be discussed. 'The Call Back'. Lol. I won't disclose too much, but basically she got a random phone call from a dude.... Yes...a dude, telling her to stop messing with his dude. Lol. Laughable. Funniest shit I've heard in a while. Now dudes are calling, checking up and whatnot? Didn't we discuss going through peoples phones trying to find dirt and such?

First off though... Bi-sexual men? Ugh. But I digress. men though? What the fuck do you get out of fucking someone in the ass? Like does that turn you on or something? All the woman womb out on planet Earth and y'all are fucking each other? *Shawn Wayans from 'White Chicks' voice* NEVERRRR. An ass is a nasty place. Any man that even participates in anal anything needs their tongue stapled to the top of their jaw.

Because y'all out here now trying to fuck women in the ass. INSTEAD of the pussy. You ever thought about the logic behind that? Say she ate Chipotle that day. And you fuck her in the ass that night. You just poked not only a dirty asshole, but you fucking processed foods. Moral of that story is...she shits out of that. If leftovers don't wanna stay in there, why the fucks do you? That's just MY little two cents on the matter. But hey, I'm a Martyr.

Random thoughts-

--What ever happened to Jason Weaver (the older brother from 'Smart Guy'? Dude CRANKED that Chingy 'One Call Away'
--Vibrating condoms= Heaven. Yes indeed.
-- Redskins losing Sunday. Y'all beat all the high caliber teams, and then lose to the worse. Just like the Wizards.
-- What ever happened to Teedra Moses? Her cd was actually good.
--Blackberry Storm= YES.
--Halloween Coming up.