"I hate going in the bathroom to no toilet tissue on the roll"

Friday, January 9, 2009
First... Lets talk about the extent a man has to go through to buy a box of condoms. Because the shit is TRAGIC. I dont know exactly how you women buy your condoms, but mine are grade A. I dont go to clinics and steal the dish. [I knew a girl who did that. Funny stuff. I have before too, until I realized they were.. umm.. tight.] .

Digress. So.. I'm walking through CVS, looking the condoms. Dude asked me if I need help finding something. Conversation went as so.

Clerk: Hey sir, you looking for something in particular?
Me: Protection
Clerk: Ha. Like sunblock? Or the other type?
Me: Yeah, that type.
Clerk: Two aisles over. Smart move. Gotta be careful these days.
Me: Trust me. I fuck too much not to know.

So, I get over to the aisle, and what do I see? A condom vending machine. Now.. Baron can vouch for me. Darren too. I was a cheap ass back in high school, and I used to just go and open the box, roughhouse the rubbers, and walk out. But technology has gotten advance, and now they have a contraption where you have to go and push in and pull to get a three pack. This is where my conscience reels me in. Which is does often.

conscience: "Greg.. you are going to do it more than three times."

In unison, i listen. Now mind you I was being cheap since I dont get paid until next week, and funds are limited for the moment. {wont stop me buying drinks.. but hey}.

I look down, grab an economy pack of twisted pleasures. Great stuff. Ultra ribbed is too, but after an adventure with twisted pleasures in a dim lit basement, I pretty much have changed for 2009 the way I protect my head. Go to the counter... nobody is in line, so I move up. Surprisingly, instead of getting an ugly old woman, I get the sexy brown skin female with the powder blue polo and the eye shadow. She grabs the box, looks at me, and says:

CVS chick: Someones getting lucky soon...
Greg: Nah. I have no kids, and I plan on keeping it that way.
CVS chick: Dont be ashamed I have to buy them too. The economy pack has 30 in it though.
Greg: Touche'. I do a lot of fucking. What can I say.
CVS chick: I know your girlfriend is patiently waiting on you.
Greg: Well when do you get off?

Needless to say, that made the bulk of my day.

[Written last night]

Digress. I'm sitting here listening to John Legends "once again". I'm in no particular mood or fashion...just pretty much scatterbrained. I finally got to cleaning out my voicemail. Verizon notified me it was getting full. I had 47. With visual voice mail it holds more. So I just deleted them all really.

- people don't leave many messages of substance.
- majority of people play text tag instead of dialing out.

Had a conversation with a random guy last night on the metro. This is more so a regular occurence , and not foreign for me to do. So we get on the topic of...independence. Basically it was about how so many people pretend they are happy with themselves, knowing deep down they need societies norms. Moreso..intimacy.

I'm scared of that word as I told him. I have this complex where I want something..ill hunt it..chase it, and receive recipbrical outcomes. Soon as I get it, I'm bored. Mission accomplished. Reason why is pretty much...

- I've given portions of my heart out so much that I can't form a pulse.
- aint enough decent love songs anymore. And I'm a grown ass man. Chris brown songs can't really express my "moods" when it comes to those terms.
- I'm still paying the final debt bill to Karma. Thought it was dead and done in 2008, but I was fooled. Fair? Not. Neither is the lotto. But motherfuckers continue to play.

Pet peeve of mine that I just realized was a pet peeve. I hate ANY other underwear on a female outside of boyshorts. its the truth. No fiction. Like thongs were cute and made us stare in high school.. But some women need to invest in "ass holsters" [boyshorts]. Because they do exactly what they should. They help elevate that thing. If you have a phat ass.. keep it in boyshorts. If you have no ass, you need to start fucking in the ass, doing crunches, and jogging. Stiffen it, then lift it.

Also. [sexual pet peeve brought to my attention]. And I'll quote it.

"i hate when bitches seen one or two pornos and think spitting on my dick is somethin i like"
yeah.. I can agree. Leave some shit to the porn stars please. The last time I had oral pleasures she was nice using the right amount. Yet and still... its kinda a sticky situation when you still have your pants on, when you take them and your boxers off.. and your nutsack region got all that shit down there [gross I know.. but I've said worse]

Uhh.. happy birthday Ky!

2 for 1 tonight. Part two of M.S.S Saga. Coming monday.