"One Night Stand"

The artistic integrity

Used to think I loved too hard. Now.. I've concluded the women I cared for are too wound up on the compliments they get, that they cant decipher a guy being genuine about theirs. Understood though. 2009 will bring havoc to a lot of that. Also came to the conclusion.. I care less about myself than I do for others. I'm a thinker. How can you blame me. Granted. Whenever I go on my rants.. seems like they come out of the woodworks, confessing their feelings and whatnot. Something relative to the way guys are when they see the same girl they never payed attention too wearing a short skimpy dress. New year... Wont be happening. I can pretty much promise you. I'm playing for keeps from this point on.

Came to the conclusion that I'm a control freak. I'm not saying all must go my way.. but they might as well have a PERCENTAGE of my input into the plan. With that said, I've pretty much consumed the fact that a relationship is NOT in my cards for the near future. Instead of me going out searching, I should actually bench myself and watch the game rather than put too many minutes on the clock. It's come to the point that as bad as I want one, the thought of being locked down actually gives me an asthma attack. The last relationship I was in proved that. But after that fact, the women that I've pursued.. showed no work ethic, lack of drive, and determination for something solid. While I was playing the field, so were they, and there was no compromising from both parties. Its always been something missing, be it they are educated and lacking common sense, or they were basically attention whores. Option two would probably be the majority. I know you'd probably say "well shit, you write a lot, know a lot of people, blah blah.". I should. Think about it this way. If I didnt speak on particular things... who would? Most of the blogs and notes I read are from females complaining about the mistakes they've made in men. So when they see the mistakes I've made in women.. it should click like "well damn.. maybe there should be a compromise". But there never is. Ever.

A girl told me 85% of the male species has failed to surprise her. Sounds pretty much decent. I couldnt put mine into a percentage because in 2008.. I honestly talked to more women than I care to name, and possibly try to number. Maybe that was the reason I never found any solid ones. [It truly is.]

I'll be 22 in a short period of time. Even at the young age I am. I've concluded a lot...

• As each day comes and goes, I realize that life is getting shorter. Had plenty of thoughts like "today could be my last". So I've come to terms that I should live it that way.
• Dating a person, or talking to a person older than you dont really mean jack shit in all actuality. Just means they have more experience making bullshit excuses and have actually mastered the art of procrastination.
• If pussy came with a price tag, I would buy stock in the manufacturing company. One business that even though you may lose interest, you still gain the most from diversifying your options.

Also.. with age comes the change of the views and the things my ears hear. I've been listening to a lot of mellow tracks, and actually come to the conclusion of this... The end of the songs end up being.. someone being played a fool. Tierra made me listen to a track by Jazmine Sullivan [dont remember the name specifically]. But basically she was talking about how she is usually the one freaking and leaving them. [pause.. found the song.]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7LhMapu08I

Lyrics started off like such..

"Usually in the one that's in control and
I'll meet 'em, freak 'em, leave 'em, move onto the next man...
He aint my man"


Funny shit, because if the sexes were changed, and like John Legend or someone sung this song.. I pretty much would say thats how we are in a nutshell. As much as we love doing the shit described in the song...

We end up the same way. [sad, right?]

-Lost for words for the moment. I'm done.